Here we are. The end of 2017. And what a year it’s been.
I feel like this year has been a bit of a roller-coaster. There’s been highs and lows but certainly more highs!
We’ve had a lovely Christmas mostly fuelled by a vast amount of chocolate, board games and trying to pep up my tired pregnancy appearance with the use of many a sparkly Dior eyeshaow! But it’s been a time to rest, relax and recoup (as much as Josh will allow at least…. that’s another story though)!
As I type this I am clad in cat pyjamas (I’m not even joking, but they are so comfortable and given my whale like appearance these days they are a necessity) at 2 in the afternoon watching the Happy Valley boxset and feeling a bit cack. I’ve been sick the whole way through my pregnancy so this is nothing new to me. It’s a bit dark and grey outside today, it’ll be dark within two hours and it’s that limbo time of year between Christmas and New Year when you don’t know your arse from your elbow let alone what day it is!
Yet I always fall into that cliche camp at this time of year that has a tinge of excitement and opportunity for what the new year has to come.
For me, it’ll be about being a Mummy for the second time!
Ah the joy! The fear! The excitement. I am at that stage of pregnancy where I can’t so much as look at a puppy without crying and where I am constantly starving but my stomach is squashed up so high into my ribs that two Malteasar celebrations have the ability to fill me up! Nesting has kicked in with levels increasing every day – I am sat here with the Christmas tree twinkling in the corner of my eye, and I am itching to take it down! I feel like the house needs to be in order, organised and ready for the baby. Because of course the baby is really going to care about whether the Christmas tree is up or if the freezer is defrosted….
Looking back on 2017 I feel like I have two great achievements; raising Josh and basically keeping him alive, and growing his little brother or sister when it seemed like the very prospect was a lost cause.
It blows my mind to think how much Josh has changed in the last year. This time last year he wasn’t even walking, although he was giving it a damn good go, and now, well he still doesn’t walk….. he runs! Everywhere! The kid is like a little energy bomb, and I’ve had to learn how to run very fast after him because given my current elephant like state, it would seem my toddler can outrun me!
One of the most amazing things is seeing his personality develop. I’ve written about many of the things he’s tested me with over the last 12 months and I’ve had concerns about things such as his speech and encouraging his interaction with kids his age. But overall, especially following a very reassuring two year check with his Health Visitor, he’s been the best little sidekick I could hope for. He absolutely cracks me up, on a daily basis, and is such a cheeky little thing. Generally he’s full of smiles (although the terrible twos have turned up absolutely on cue and are just as hideous as I’d imagined – look out for a blog post on it soon) and is a very happy little boy.
I’ve written about my separation anxiety and since letting him go for a sleepover at Granny’s last month, I am feeling much more comfortable about leaving Josh for a night now and then which is good because I think with baby number two imminently arriving I am going to need all the help I can get.
Which leads me to the arrival of baby number two! The baby I thought I wasn’t going to ever get. It’s been a bit of a long journey getting here. I’ve written about miscarriage and loss on the blog more than once and although I know it’s a raw subject, something people hate to hear about or contemplate, I do feel it’s important. The tag line to my blog is “An honest account of motherhood”, and that’s what I always am on here. And it was a tough journey getting here but then by miracle of miracles it happened. And here I am, close to full term, a date on the calendar for my Cesarean Section, and full of gratitude.
Yes I am marginally terrified at how on earth I am going to deal with two kids under the age of three, but one of the things I love most about being a blogger is being part of this community in which we support each other, reassure each other, and you have many a moment where you realise yes you can do this! Every time I have a wobble and wonder how I’ll cope I remind myself that A) women have been doing this since forever – of course I’ll cope and B) I will cope because I’m me! I don’t give myself enough credit for what I can handle. I don’t think any of us Mums do.
The excitement is real though. We’ve not found out what we’re having and I cannot wait to find out. I am a bit nervous about my C Section but I am also reassured that so many people have told me of their elective section experiences and how relaxed they can be. I am hoping that this time, with it being the second time around, I’ll know a little bit more of what to expect. I know I’ll be shattered, I know I’ve got to establish feeding again, and I’ll know to try and be a bit kinder to myself. I beat myself up so much when Josh was first born and kept doubting myself and I shouldn’t have because I was doing a better job than I gave myself credit for.
So yeah, the main focus for the new year will be Baby Baby Baby! Good job that’s what I blog about.
As always a lot has been learnt this year:
- Listen to your body. Mine is now telling me to relax and that’s exactly what I am doing, cat pyjamas and all!
- It is entirely possible to survive pregnancy sickness with a toddler, even if it does mean allowing them to play cars up and down your back whilst you’re heaving!
- Have faith. After having another miscarriage I thought I had none left. But I did and I always will have.
- Be kind. Its amazing how a few words from someone can give you strength. Sprinkle it around everywhere – you’ve no idea what a difference it might make to someones day.
- Always trust your instincts. You’re the Mama you know best.
- Don’t judge others. Please don’t. I never realised until I had Josh, just how judgemental people can be. Now I recognise many a judgemental look from others; I’ve had them for breastfeeding, for how I’ve dealt with Josh when he’s challenged himself to a screaming contest in the supermarket, and most sadly from other Mums in baby and toddler classes. I don’t think people even mean to do it, but people do judge, or stare, or have an opinion on how you handle things, be it pregnancy or motherhood. Don’t judge someone for using their phone to pacify their child for five minutes at the dinner table – they may be well be doing it so they keep the kid quiet and don’t disrupt YOUR dinner. Please take a moment to put yourself in someone elses shoes before judging.
Finally, resolutions. I don’t make them!! I am all about New Years Goals not Resolutions. So what goals do I have for 2018…
- Be the best mother I can be to both my children.
- Survive being a Mummy of two
That’s it! Those are the priorities. Yes of course there are loads more; finish that book I’m writing, continue to grow this here blog, work out how the bloody hell to grow Instagram given their frankly stupid new anthropology making it near on impossible, make enough of a success of myself to buy that Mulberry Bayswater. But in comparison to my actual goals, they are a drop in the ocean. If I can make it through those newborn days with Joshy Bear in tow I know I will be winning at life!
Wish me luck kids! Happy New Year my loves and thank you for sticking with me. Here’s to the next chapter.