A Letter to my pregnant Bestie

Hi Everyone,

So I have just found out that one of my best friends is having her first baby!  Excited doesn’t even come close – I’m thrilled for her. And as soon as I heard her wonderful news I knew exactly what I wanted to do…. I wanted to write her a letter, and share it with you all. Enjoy…….

To my gorgeous little Bex,

I cannot believe that it’s been 21 years since we met, as little short arsed geeks in that terrifying first year at our all girls school. We bonded over our mutual immaturity and I vividly remember us going through the dictionary’s we had been given when we started and finding all the swear words and literally cried with laughter at them!

I'll drink

And now we’re actual grown ups; home owners, married, and now Mummy’s. I cannot even begin to tell you how happy I was when you told me you were pregnant. You are so made for this Bex.

It’s hard to put into words what you’re about to experience; this amazing journey. In a way it’s two journeys; pregnancy and then when the baby actually arrives, but really it is all motherhood and it’s the best feeling in the world.

Now I don’t claim to be an expert, I just write about this stuff from my own experience. But I wanted to offer some guidance as you embark on this crazy ride called Mummyhood….:

Pregnancy is the best excuse in the world for so much; own it! No you cannot get up and make your own cup of tea; not only are you pregnant and needing to rest but you’re still trying to get over the shock of no wine for 9 months… so yes hubby you will have to get up and make you a cuppa…… and unload the dishwasher….. and nip to Tescos because if you don’t have a bowl of wheetos/a grapefruit/ a Mars bar ice cream (yes I did crave all these things) then you’re going to quite spectacularly lose your hormonal shit!

Be prepared – random strangers are going to start smiling at you. Don’t be creeped out; it’s cute. As your bump grows, so will the smiles. Personally I drew the line at random strangers attempting to stroke my bump, but I give off that “stay away” vibe (inner bitch) so I didn’t encounter it too much. The smiles and lovely comments from strangers are sweet; you feel super proud of yourself and your bump and it cheers you up a huge amount when you’re having a day when you feel like a walrus.

Brace yourself; you’re about to get a shitload of advice. No not from me (unless you ask for it). I’m talking unwanted advice. You will get pissed off; you will get those subtle AKA not subtle judgemental looks from people for the most random of things. I had an old lady tell me off when I went to Costa when I was pregnant; she said it was damaging to the baby to have caffeine (FYI you are allowed about a cup of coffee/tea a day but just switch to decaf if you’re worried – I did cause the whole thing confused me and I wanted to save my caffeine quota for the copious amounts of chocolate I knew I’d devour). Anyway she backed off when I informed her I was actually drinking a hazelnut hot chocolate, and when she clocked the size of me and the fact that if she pissed me off anymore I’d probably sit on her which would have been some what damaging!!  When you get this sort of “advice” nod along, be polite and just silently repeat to yourself f**k off; they’ll never know what you’re thinking 😉

new boobs

You are also going to get advice from people you do know. Namely, your Mum and your Mother in Law. They are no doubt falling over themselves with excitement about the baby. The one thing you have to remember is everything they say to you is out of love, and their experience. In some ways it will be adorable, valuable and gratefully received. In other ways, it will irritate you so much you will contemplate moving to Australia to escape it. You will hear things along the lines of “well I did that when I was pregnant with you and you turned out fine”. Gently remind them that nowadays there are certain guidelines and advice thanks to the miracle of advanced medical practise and research and you will do what YOU feel is right for YOU.  They will drive you bananas at times, but they will also be the ones at the end of the phone comforting you as you cry your eyes because you are just too hot (yes this did happen and God bless my Mum for not laughing as I sobbed to her about how warm I was). Try not to lose it with them. And don’t move to Australia; they have poisonous spiders and scary shit there!

People will spoil you; gifts, cuddles, and not having to lift a finger Own it! It’s awesome!

You’ll hit the 4 month mark and get a raging horn on – bang away, don’t believe any horror stories about it hurting the baby. Orgasm = Endorphins = Happy Baby = Happy Mummy. Winner.

If anyone even remotely comments negatively about your weight, or decides to ask or even advise you how you plan to lose the weight after your baby, tell them , as politely as you can, to f**k off. I ate shit loads whilst pregnant and my Mum, with the best of intentions, had said a few times I needed to watch it as I would find it hard to lose. I love her but I did tell her very honestly what I thought of this advice and that the only thing I’d be watching was when Cadbury Buttons went back on to the two for one offer at Tesco. People can be insensitive but they don’t mean to be sometimes. And if they are being a bitch, well, I know you; you’ve got that covered and take no crap!

Hormones…. they’re fun. One minute you’ll be crying at the latest Inside Soap Awards (I told you this was all written from experience) the next you will go bat shit crazy at Hubs because he has LEFT HIS BLOODY DIRTY SOCKS ON THE FLOOR AGAIN RATHER THAN PUTTING THEM IN THE LAUNDRY BIN (seriously guys, it’s not hard is it)! Your man will have days where he can’t do right for doing wrong and will wonder where his lovely normal wife has gone. If you get any such smart arsed comments remind him you’re the one growing a human that you will have to squeeze out a very small place with a huge loss of dignity and to shut up and get you another magnum. As my hubby did, they learn pretty quickly messing with a pregnant lady isn’t advisable and they are good as gold for most of the pregnancy.

You will cry at everything. Do NOT watch the Lion King. Or Bambi. Or Marley and Me…. in fact never watch that; you need therapy afterwards.

Don’t compare yourself to other Mums. There is way too much unnecessary competitions between mothers as it is. Don’t put extra pressure on yourself.

Don’t spend too much money on the more high end baby clothes. I know, they are so cute you can’t resist but I’m telling you, these kids can produce so much poo and puke it’s actually mind boggling. One time, I didn’t get a fresh nappy on Josh quick and he poo’d with some sort of weird human super force and it sprayed me, the carpet, the new rug and anything else that I of course couldn’t get the stain out of.

Your tits are about to get all kinds of awesome; this is what we waited for since year 8 Bex. It’s like having a boob job; bloody brilliant. This is why my boobs where out the whole summer of 2015!

You don’t need to buy Fairy Non Bio every time – it costs the earth. Sainsburys own non bio is ace and smells lush. Because Bex, you have no idea how much laundry you’re about to start doing.

Labour hurts. Take the drugs.

Join NCT. Yes it’s expensive and there is every chance you’ll have a hippy as your teacher like I did, but you will make an invaluable group of  friends who will go through this journey with you. I love my NCT Girls (apart from the one who made her baby go nappy free and shit over the toilet at 10 weeks, I don’t care for her much. Inner bitch again, sorry).

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Babe, I’m not going to lie to you, the first month the baby is here, it is hard. It’s amazing, wonderful, life changing. But oh my god it is hard. You will be tired, you will be hormonal (yes still), and you will want to punch hubby. If it helps just do it, he’ll probably understand……

Seriously, don’t try and be superwoman that first month. Let people help; let your Mum and Mother in Law cook for you and clean your house and get your shopping.  Don’t be pressured into things; if you want a day of no visitors then you say so. Don’t try and clean the house. Have a few days of just the three of you, cuddle the baby all day and bond; you will spend hours looking at the baby in absolute astonishment thinking my God we made this. And it’s amazing; it’s the most rewarding feeling

Most of all please know I’m here for you. All your friends are, and lets face it you have tonnes. But I wanted to take this moment to say I am here for you, any time, any embarrassing questions, any advice, any reason to cry, I’m here. I love you so much and I am so excited for you to experience this amazing feeling of being a Mummy. xxx

One last thing….don’t worry,  you probably won’t poo yourself in labour (I didn’t – woo hoo) but maybe keep Craig up by your head.. just in case .

LOVES YOU

xxx

Cuddle Fairy
The Secret Diary of Agent Spitback
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46 Comments

  1. April 17, 2016 / 6:55 am

    How lovely! What a great piece for your friend and well, for anyone that’s just found out they are going to be a first time parent really! Especially don’t compare yourself to other mums, it’s hard but it’s just pointless. And I made the mistake of watching Marley and Me…I don’t know why I did it! 🙁 #KCACOLS

    • April 17, 2016 / 7:07 am

      Thanks for commenting chick. My friend did love it which is good. Oh no – it’s heartbreaking isn’t it! xx #KCACOLS

  2. April 17, 2016 / 7:04 am

    Such a lovely post! I would have loved for someone to write something like this for me when I was expecting my first baby. #KCACOLS

    • April 17, 2016 / 7:06 am

      Ah thanks chick, that’s what I thought too which is why I wrote it 🙂 xx #kcacols

  3. April 17, 2016 / 7:37 am

    Ah so lovely isn’t it? When you know the joy they’re about to experience! Fab post lovely xo

  4. April 17, 2016 / 8:55 am

    Aww this is so lovely. I would have loved someone to write something like this for me when I was pregnant with my first. Now expecting my second, you have reminded me of all the fun that’s about to come! What a lovely friend you are, love the photos of you both xx #kcacols

  5. April 17, 2016 / 10:17 am

    Oh this is funny and lovely at the same time. I think you end the letter on just the right note – wise words 😉 #KCACOLS

  6. April 18, 2016 / 8:25 am

    I love this letter so much, I kind of just teared up ( I think I’m STILL hormonal 4 months later)! I am excited for your friend and I think it’s so sweet you get to be there for her during this amazing time in her life. : ) I think you wrote a fab letter that is really helpful. #bigpinklink

    • April 18, 2016 / 8:31 am

      Ahh honey thank you so much, this has made my day xx #bigpinklink

  7. Sara Handy Herbs
    April 18, 2016 / 12:32 pm

    What a lovely idea to write this letter. How special that you are still such close friends. This was lovely to read and I am sure she was thrilled to read it and found it useful too. I think all new mums would appreciate such a letter 🙂 #KCACOLS

    • April 19, 2016 / 6:39 am

      Ah thank you – she did love it and I really hope others will too xx #KCACOLS

  8. April 18, 2016 / 2:50 pm

    This is so lovely and funny! I hope she gets to read it because I think she would really appreciate it. I know I would. Couldn’t stop laughing at the ‘poo’ bit. It was one of my worse fears but thankfully never happened to me either 😉

    #bigpinklink

    • April 19, 2016 / 6:39 am

      Ha ha I know – it’s a major fear!!She did read it and thankfully she loved it xx #bigpinklink

  9. April 18, 2016 / 7:35 pm

    What a lovely thing to do for your friend! Funny and honest and beautiful. You are lucky to have each other and to share the highs and lows of motherhood with one another. Great work. 🙂 #bigpinklink

    • April 19, 2016 / 6:37 am

      Ah thank you honey for your lovely comment xx #bigpinklink

  10. April 19, 2016 / 5:33 am

    Aaah, this is just too lovely… It’s brought a little tear to my eye!! How lucky your friend is, to have a friend like you! I’m sure she appreciated and adored this! I was a little horrified that someone felt they could comment on your choice of drink in Costa-so rude and unnecessary!! I drank the odd Costa actual coffee while I was pregnant! I would also have to shy away from someone who held their child over a toilet at 10 weeks-honestly, some people…!! I do wish that I’d had people telling me I didn’t have to lift a finger though, I totally missed out on this!! It was still business as usual in our house-I worked full time, and did all the cooking, cleaning and everything else, right up until I gave birth! I even cooked dinner the day I got back from hospital!!! Sorry, I did chuckle that you phoned your mum to cry about being too hot…!!!!! Hormones are terrible things!
    Such great advice here-your friend has absolutely nothing to worry about, with a fabulous friend like you to look out for her! Thanks so much for sharing with #bigpinklink!

    • April 19, 2016 / 6:36 am

      Ah thank you for such a lovely comment honey!! I know; some people are infuriating offering such unwanted advice! And it’s been proven you can have a coffee if you want so why must they interfere! I am so glad you enjoyed this post 🙂 Your comment made my day xx #bigpinklink

  11. April 19, 2016 / 9:28 am

    How lovely to have someone who has just gone through it to offer REAL advice, not just ‘eat ginger for the morning sickness’ and ‘sleep while you can’. Thanks for linking to #chucklemums!

  12. April 19, 2016 / 9:40 am

    great Post. Great to have friends that are there for each other while you go through such massive changes in life. Becoming a mum is massive and I have become an advocate of telling people the real shit of what goes down when you’re pregnant. There are so many things none tells you about. I hope Bex has a wonderful journey to motherhood. Tell her there are creams to sort out the haemorrhoids……;)

  13. April 19, 2016 / 12:41 pm

    Aw this is so lovely. I hope I can write a letter to a good friend soon who is going through fertility. I love this part about pooing in labour – I thought I’d escaped this as didn’t with my first but totally did with the second! So embarrassing but it meant the end was near so in a way I was sort of pleased to be shitting myself 😉 #chucklemums

  14. April 19, 2016 / 6:06 pm

    MADE HER BABY GO NAPPY FREE?! Sounds like a post in itself!! Thanks for linking up with #chucklemums

  15. April 20, 2016 / 8:17 am

    How exciting! I love those cards – brilliant words on the front! #KCACOLS

  16. April 20, 2016 / 11:02 am

    Love this. So kind and yet to the point. And so true! I also got told off in a coffee shop once for drinking (decaf) coffee. I was having a bad day, so I told the person to sod off. Hormones… right? RIGHT?! #bloggerclubuk

  17. April 20, 2016 / 6:38 pm

    What a great letter – I wish I had a friend who could have shared all that info with me the first time round! Loved the bit about Marley and Me, no one should ever watch that film ha ha #bloggerclubUK

    • April 21, 2016 / 6:22 am

      Ha ha I know it’s so upsetting! Thanks for commenting xx

  18. April 20, 2016 / 6:53 pm

    Great letter – good for any new mum! And the pictures are lovely, you two look like you love each other very much. #KCACOLS

  19. mackenzieglanville
    April 21, 2016 / 7:37 am

    I watched Marley and Me whilst pregnant, what was I thinking????? great post honey xx #passthesauce

  20. agentspitback
    April 21, 2016 / 12:04 pm

    “Move to Australia” — that made me LAUGH out very loudly. Love the letter and your friend is very lucky to have you by her side. This is a beautiful, moving and funny letter which speaks volume of the bond you both share. I was lucky to have such good support when I was pregnant and it made all the difference in the world. “Pregnancy is the best excuse in the world for so much; own it!” — you should trademark this great line – love it. Thanks for sharing with #PasstheSauce

    • April 21, 2016 / 5:02 pm

      Ahh your comment has made my day 💖 thank you Hun xx

  21. April 22, 2016 / 3:31 pm

    This is lovely. It’s great when your best friends have baby’s too. Thanks for linking up to #justanotherlinky xx

    • April 23, 2016 / 7:26 am

      Ah I am so glad you enjoyed it xx #justanotherlinky

  22. April 23, 2016 / 4:00 pm

    I love this letter!! It has everything that your friend needs to about what is coming for her in the following months!! It is honest, it is funny and it is just so lovely!! Your friend is a lucky one to have you as a friend! You will know be able to share so many stories together!! Thanks so much for sharing this at #KCACOLS. As always is a pleasure to have you here. I hop to see you again tomorrow, 🙂 xx

  23. April 24, 2016 / 4:50 pm

    What a lovely post to your friend. Love the part about getting a horn-on lmao! But so true. And I always refused visitors in the hospital because well I just didn’t want them there. Great post and thank you for linking with #momsterslink. Hope you will join me again every Thurs-Sun!

    • April 24, 2016 / 7:25 pm

      Ha ha i’m so glad you enjoyed it. I will be there xx

  24. April 25, 2016 / 3:50 pm

    Awww what a lovely letter, I was nodding along with all the tips and advice! It’s very special when someone close to you goes through it as well. Thank you for joining us at #BloggerClubUK hope to see you again next week x

    • April 25, 2016 / 3:55 pm

      Thank you lovely I’ll certainly be there #bloggerclubuk

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