Blogmas Day 12 – Mummy Meltdown

Hi Guys,

So as I write this I am literally having a Mummy Meltdown. I’ve had a good cry, and decided to blog in the hope it will release a bit of my stress and, frankly, despair.

So we’ve just got back from a weekend away. Don’t get me wrong, we had a lovely festive time, but for some reason it has completely disrupted Josh. He cried most of the way home yesterday, before finally falling asleep and then he was in a much better mood in the afternoon. But then last night he woke up at 2am crying his eyes out, and did the same at 5. Both times I gave in and fed him, for which I now feel like a total failure because I was meant to be weaning him off the boob! But he was so inconsolable, and I was so tired, what was I supposed to do! He was even crying when he got up this morning which isn’t like him; he normally wakes up and babbles to himself.

Then all day today he’s cried, whinged, been clingy one second then pushing me away the next second. It is so fucking hard when he’s like this – when any baby is like this. I am at a loss for what to do; he won’t sleep, he won’t eat, he doesn’t have a temperature. As a mother I feel like I spend most of my time searching for answers with no luck. I hate seeing my usually happy little boy so sad and having no idea what is wrong.

Being a Mum doesn’t get any easier

**Update** So I had to abandon this post earlier as Josh woke after a mere 13 minutes of sleep, straight into meltdown mode and it took me about another hour to settle him. Thankfully I managed to get him to eat some dinner and we had a bath together which seemed to calm him.

I’ve literally fucking hated today. I feel like I’ve tried so hard to do everything I can to calm Josh, comfort him, please him and even in the midst of a meltdown he has sometimes not even wanted me; he’s begged to be picked up, I’ve picked him up, then he’s struggled and pulled away from me. I know it’s because he is out of sorts and that he just doesn’t know what he wants, but it hurts me when I can’t make him happy. It makes me feel like I’m failing because I’m not instantly able to make it all better. I know that sounds ridiculous, and I know deep down I’m not failing, but in that moment when they’ve cried all day, and you’ve done everything you can think of, and done your best, you just feel defeated. I’ve found today really hard, and it took me back to the early days  of motherhood when you haven’t got a clue what to do half the time. I think I feel down because a year down the line I thought I’d know exactly what it might be bothering my son, but still I am learning , guessing, figuring it out as I go along.  I’ve had a day of beating myself up for not having the answers and for cracking and breastfeeding him when I was meant to be weaning him off the boob. I hate feeling like a shit Mum. I know I’m not a shit Mum. I know most of us have days where we feel like we are completely shit, lost, losing the plot, but in reality we are bloody fantastic, dedicated and loving Mums. But we’re tired, we only have so much patience, we sadly don’t have all the answers, and we can only do our best.

I’ll get there; I’ll get through today, I’ll get through whatever it is that’s upsetting him at the moment, I’ll get through it all. And that’s what you have to remind yourself sometimes. But sometimes it’s so hard to have that positive mentality when you’re having a shit storm of a day.

Being a Mum teaches you that you have strength you didn’t even know you had. And if any of us Mums can get through these awful days where you feel you can’t do anything right, then we deserve a medal! We have to remind ourselves we’re actually doing pretty bloody well sometimes!

I really wanted todays post to be about our weekend in London and full of happy photos and laughter, but my blog has always been about reality, and this has been my reality today. I’m sorry it’s not a cheery post, but I will use tomorrows Blogmas post to tell you all about our weekend away and (PLEASE GOD) I am sure we will have a better day tomorrow.

Love

Fx

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21 Comments

  1. December 13, 2016 / 9:10 am

    Aww, sending you a massive hug! I feel like you’ve summarised every day of my life right now. We are all doing the best we can and you’re amazing! #DreamTeam
    Our Cherry Tree recently posted…Eden’s Elf SchoolMy Profile

  2. December 13, 2016 / 2:04 pm

    Aaaw I’m sorry to hear this. Sometimes it is so, so hard being a mum. I wouldn’t worry that you don’t feel like you’re a pro mum yet. I write a letter to my daughters every year for their birthday (they’ll get them when they turn 18), and I distinctly remember writing in my 2yo’s letter that I still felt like I was making it all up as I went along. I thought I’d have it sorted by then, but I didn’t. Over that year, though, I really started to find my confidence. It takes time (and it doesn’t help that their needs change all the time too). You’ll get there. Try not to put so much pressure on yourself. #DreamTeam
    Lucy At Home recently posted…Lucy At Home Does THE CHRISTMAS TAGMy Profile

  3. December 14, 2016 / 7:49 am

    Oh sweetheart this is so hard – being a mum is all the emotions isn’t it? Every single damn one! Sending coffee, wine, chocolate, cake, valium – all of it with a massive virtual hug my lovely. You’re doing amazing. The hardest thing when they are so little is that they can’t tell you what hurts – give in to everything – routine the lot and sit on the sofa with a duvet and your boy – everything else can wait – we will ignore the fact that Christmas is next week – that can wait too my lovely xx #BloggerClubUK

    • beautybabyandme
      December 14, 2016 / 8:12 am

      Thank you so much for this lovely comment it has made me feel so comforted xxxx

  4. December 14, 2016 / 10:40 am

    Im sorry to hear you are having a hard time, those days really suck! Keep reminding yourself that you’re not a bad mum at all, you are a brilliant mum and days like this just happen. #BloggerClubUK
    Emma recently posted…Welcome to the world…My Profile

    • beautybabyandme
      December 15, 2016 / 10:37 am

      Thank you so much honey xxx

  5. December 14, 2016 / 11:36 am

    Oh bless you. I have days like this too. I think we all do. I hate it when they are clingy and want to be picked up then fight off you the next moment! I find travelling messes my daughters routine up a bit too. I’m sure he’ll be back to normal soon. Much love xx

  6. December 14, 2016 / 11:42 am

    Oh god, I’ve been there! It’s awful when they’re like this and literally nothing pleases them. The pick up/put down battle is the worst and really stresses me out. I once just laid on the floor of the lounge in defeat whilst Alfie cried and eventually he came and laid next to me and we had a cuddle – it was a completely random but lovely moment after a day of tears and tantrums. Also hear ya on the giving in and feeding dilema! I said I’d wean him off the boob at night before I went back to work, but it was just so much easier to feed him and send him back to sleep than try and settle him without it – it actually saved my sanity most of the time and now we have stopped feeding completely I miss having that one thing that will calm him down (most of the time!). Hang in there mama, you’re doing a fab job #BloggerClubUK

    • beautybabyandme
      December 15, 2016 / 10:36 am

      Thank you so much for your lovely comment honey xx

  7. December 14, 2016 / 11:49 am

    So sorry that you had such a bad day. We all have them hun. I hope that tomorrow is better for you. Love the quote it is spot on! #dreamTeam

  8. December 14, 2016 / 6:59 pm

    If it makes you feel any better 90% of my posts aren’t cheery because I tend to write when I’m having a hard time and at the moment I’m having a hard time every day. My son is under assessment for autism and I am really struggling with him. It’s so hard when you just don’t know what they want and they don’t seem to know either. No point to this comment really, I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone.

    #bloggerclubuk

    • beautybabyandme
      December 15, 2016 / 10:35 am

      This is such a lovely comment and there is every point to it because it’s such a comfort to know it’s not just me xxx

  9. December 14, 2016 / 7:57 pm

    Aw bless you Fi, every mum has days like these. My son was a nightmare…rather often really. Some children are completely thrown when their routine is disrupted, I’m sure he’ll settle down again in a couple of days. In the meantime, try and make time for a little ‘you’ time; a hot bath and glass of wine. Hugs and soldier on…tomorrow is another day. xx (PS No-one can actually be Mary Poppins in real life anyway) #BloggerClubUK

    • beautybabyandme
      December 15, 2016 / 10:34 am

      Thank you so much lovely things did get better thank god xx

  10. December 15, 2016 / 9:21 am

    Those days are shitters aren’t they. well done for getting through and I hope writing it down vented some of the frustration you were feeling. We all feel like crappy mums at times and should remind ourselves we are not…this bit will pass…hope the week improved #coolmumclub xx

    • beautybabyandme
      December 15, 2016 / 10:34 am

      Thank you lovely – it certainly did xx

  11. December 17, 2016 / 12:07 am

    This sounds like a few of my days in the past few months. We kept getting hit with coughs and colds and teething so every time my youngest was sleeping better and only having one boob feed a day, I would think ah next week she won’t want/need any and I can stop, then another bought of illness or teething would send her off again and although I love bf, like you say if you have it in mind that you are stopping, to then ‘give in’ feels like a failure, but in reality it really isn’t and feeding up to any age is a massive thing to congratulate yourself on! You rock! and soon they will wean and it will be easy because it will be the right time for both of you. I REALLY HATE the cry to be picked up but then fight you and wriggle to go down, the repeat behaviour though! That just makes you crack doesn’t it! But you are not alone! Like I say I could have pretty much written this word for word a number of times in the past month, but it will get better! x

  12. December 18, 2016 / 4:01 pm

    Sorry to read that you had such a rubbish day. It’s funny how even if its an odd day here or there that everything goes down the pan, it always feels like the end of the world. I am having one of these days myself today! Thank you for sharing with the #DreamTeam. I always love how your posts radiate honesty. xxx
    Annette, 3 Little Buttons recently posted…#HappyLittleButtons Advent Round UpMy Profile

  13. December 19, 2016 / 12:30 pm

    Ya we have all had these days as moms!! It’s tough when they are little & can’t say what the problem is – it’s a guessing game then. And I know what you mean about starting off a good day then losing patience & everything goes wrong then. You are right though you are a great mom, keep up the good work. Thanks for joining us at #BloggerClubUK hope to see you back in the New Year x
    Becky, Cuddle Fairy recently posted…Breastfeeding with MAM ProductsMy Profile

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