Can I Just Say…..

There are so many things we seem to be unable to say now-a-days. Or do. Or express.

This week has been testing on many levels; for example I’ve had the day from hell today with a baby who has refused to nap and even now as I determinedly sit here and try to blog now I can still hear him whinging at 7.30pm! I was on countdown to bedtime this afternoon; one of the many things I’ve been advised as a mother that I shouldn’t admit to.

There is a constant fear of offending or irritating someone. For a start I know how lucky I am to be at home with Josh every day. I am grateful for being a stay at home Mum even though it is, dare I say FUCKING HARD WORK!!!!!!!!! And if you don’t agree, by all means be my guest and give it a go for a day then tell me it’s easy! But today, with a baby who wouldn’t nap and who has no realisation that if he just had a sleep he’d feel so much better and Mummy wouldn’t lose her shit, I was counting down to bed time just so I’d have this time – time to shower, time to eat, time to work, and yes time to have a much needed glass of wine!!!!! Time for me. Does that make me selfish? Apparently so according to some. Apparently admitting to feeling this way deems it necessary for others to tell me I don’t know how lucky I’ve got it. Guilt creeps in, I think about my girlfriends who are back at work; do they resent me because I’ve uttered those words. Don’t we feel enough guilt as it is without putting more upon ourselves.

I’ve experienced a fair amount of negativity recently. Posting a picture of yourself in your bikini results in people telling you that you really shouldn’t post these things as you’ll upset women who aren’t the same size as you; women will resent you, not identify with you. Posting a meme saying that I’m as much of a real woman as a woman who’s a size 12; apparently no I’m not and I should shut the fuck up. Posting selfies is self indulgent. Posting coupley stuff is sickly. If you write about how hard it is being a stay at home Mum you’re told you’ve no idea how lucky you’ve got it. If you write about how hard it is going to work when you’d rather be at home you get told you’re selfish for leaving your child all day.

Seriously – we can’t fucking win!

It drives me mental. I love blogging because this is my space to write and, thankfully, I know several of you enjoy reading my musings, vents and thoughts. We are all entitled to our own opinions. There is no need to be intentionally offensive or controversial. But if you have something to say that is constructive, thought provoking, or something that others may relate to positively then speak up.

To the pregnant woman on Facebook posting constant bump updates – I love seeing how excited you are about becoming a Mum. Share that excitement; it’s amazing. You’re not boring me – it’s beautiful.

To the Mum posting daily pictures of your baby – it makes my heart happy to see how proud and loving of your baby you are. Continue to be proud of being a Mama. Shout that shit from the rooftops honey! You waited 9 months to do this!

To the couple constantly positing “sappy shit” about each other online; thank you for being a reminder to the next generation that happy marriages do exist and it’s not all drama like EastEnders.

To the girl posting selfies; thank you for showing others that it’s ok to feel beautiful now and then! A bit of self confidence is very sexy.

Can we stop being annoyed by anything and everything and instead start boosting each other. I feel like that really is the essence of Beauty Baby and Me and I hope that’s something that is becoming apparent with my writing.

In the world of motherhood there is a lot of tearing each other down. Case in point I got asked this week by a friend why I was putting Josh into nursery for one morning a week when I’m a Stay at Home. I corrected them and said I actually WORK at home as a PA, as well as being with Josh. I was met with a  somewhat patronising smile – she may as well have said “Yeah, cause being at home all day is a real “job”! I knew immediately what she was thinking. I wasn’t expecting her to then question my intelligence; saying I’d end up braindead if I was just a stay at home Mum all day. At this point I made my excuses and started chatting to another friend cause I wasn’t up for this shit. Having recently read a blog post that seemed to echo these sentiments it got me thinking and I have to stand up for us SAHMs and say I don’t think I’m any less intellectually stimulated than I was when I was working in an office; I spend my day juggling A LOT of plates.

But as I’ve said, I bit my tongue. I let it go and decided to vent to you lucky people instead. But this is one of those classic situations where I should have used my smart mouth to its advantage! I wish I’d said to her I’d never judge or mock her for being a working Mum, a career girl. I’d never doubt her ability as a parent just because she’s not at home all day. But it was ok for her to sow that seed of doubt in my mind. She’s my friend and she should support me as much as I support her.

It made me think of a brilliant point my friend Charlie made in her fantastic blog post; people have no qualms about saying to a slender person “Oh you’re so skinny, you want to put on some weight”. This is apparently acceptable. Yet no one would ever be rude enough to say “Oh you’re filling out there, get yourself a diet”! If you did you’d be pretty mean, so why is it ok for someone to say something of such a similar stance to someone slim.

Double standards drive me nuts. I feel it about so many things. For example the old classic, breastfeeding v bottle feeding. There is a huge amount of social support for those who bottle feed; people accept it and don’t judge (and nor should they) when they see someone bottle feeding. Yet when it comes to breastfeeding there seems to be a real stigma that women are pressured into it and therefore it seems to have an almost negative association. I remember having people say to me “why are you still breastfeeding, give yourself a break and give him a bottle”. I didn’t – that was my choice and anyone who reads this blog knows how strongly I felt about breastfeeding for as long as possible. But can you imagine if the tables had been turned and I’d been bottle feeding and had someone say to me “why don’t you stop using the bottle and get that baby on the boob”. There’d have been uproar; “how dare they judge you, how dare they tell you what to do”.

Everyone is different, everyone has different opinions. Thank goodness as the world would be very boring if we all felt and thought the same. But it’s the way people deliver them that can be crucial. Some people are cutting, passive aggressive and judgemental. I read things sometimes that I am astonished by. I don’t know if people write these things for effect, in the hope of rousing debates and ruffling feathers, or if they think it’s OK to be judgemental and at times, hurtful. To mock others, other Mums, other writers, other women is not ok. Yes say what you want to say but delivery is everything.

I am all for us having opinions. That was the point of this post – we should be able to say what we want to say. But it’s that age old womanly thing of “It’s not what you said, it’s the way you say it”. Valid, true and important. Have an opinion – be a strong woman and stand up for yourself and stand by what you believe in. But do consider others feelings. Be supportive. Build each other up.

We’re never going to run the world if we’re too busy tearing each other down.

Have a voice. Be kind. Do Beyoncé proud!

Love

Fx

Share:

26 Comments

  1. February 6, 2017 / 7:19 am

    Fi you are literally the kindest person I know. You are so right though, there is way too much judging and opinionated people around. I’m totally with you on admitting the kids wear me out. I’m not ashamed to admit I curse under my breath and will bedtime to hurry up. I’m human for god’s sake and I’m sure even Mary Poppins called the kids wankers behind their backs at times. Thanks for joining #marvmondays as always xxx
    Fran Back With A Bump recently posted…Marvellous MondaysMy Profile

    • beautybabyandme
      February 7, 2017 / 8:13 am

      Fran you have no idea how much this comment meant to me <3 xxxx

  2. February 6, 2017 / 8:40 am

    I saw your bikini picture and thought it was beautiful. I’m voluptuous, ahem, OK round and not at any point did I feel as if you shouldn’t have posted it. Power to you mama!!!! Ignore those who felt the need to express their negative opinions. Bore off! You are fabulous and an inspiration! #MarvMondays

    • beautybabyandme
      February 7, 2017 / 8:13 am

      Honey this comment made my day thank you so much xxxxxx

  3. February 6, 2017 / 10:12 am

    You’re so right. Women can be awful to each other and there’s no need. I put off starting a blog for years as I was worried what people might think, until I just decided I didn’t care. I also read a blog post about working mums recently that made me so angry. I wanted to retaliate but decided that if that was how she felt then fair enough but I feel differently. Great post #marvmondays

  4. February 6, 2017 / 10:14 am

    Also your bikini picture was incredible. It didn’t make me angry, it made me feel inspired to get my arse into gear!

    • beautybabyandme
      February 7, 2017 / 8:13 am

      Thank you so much lovely! It’s so hard when people try to be judgemental when it’s just not necessary!! I wonder if we read the same post! xx

  5. February 6, 2017 / 2:57 pm

    Yes, yes, and yes again! We really can’t judge other people when we have no idea what they’re going through. I know that being a SAHM is hard. Yes I’m grateful to be able to be at home, but there are still days that I find it really tough. Surely that’s the same with any job?? My favourite line was “Can we stop being annoyed by anything and everything and instead start boosting each other” #MarvMondays
    Lucy At Home recently posted…Our Little Lottie Doll: Review & GiveawayMy Profile

  6. February 7, 2017 / 8:06 am

    What the F is wrong with people? These individuals who take the time out of their day to comment negatively on your photos etc are jealous. It says more about them than it ever will about you.
    Just be you. Just do you. And to hell with everyone else.
    PS. You looked incred in that bikini photo. Serious inspiration right there!
    #dreamteam
    Rach recently posted…Age Ain’t Nothing But A NumberMy Profile

    • beautybabyandme
      February 7, 2017 / 8:11 am

      Ah love you chick thank you! I just don’t get some people. Maybe I’m too sensitive I don’t know, regardless I’m not going to change! As you say just be you! xxx

  7. February 7, 2017 / 12:17 pm

    I totally agree – I really don’t see the point on tearing other people down because they’ve made different choices to the ones you made. We’re all doing our own thing and trying our best – plus the internet is a much nicer place to be when people treat each other with kindness and respect. #DreamTeam
    The Squirmy Popple recently posted…Why I didn’t do a Beyoncé-style pregnancy announcementMy Profile

  8. February 8, 2017 / 12:52 pm

    Aww Fi!! It sounds like you have been on the receiving end of some passive aggressive comments. I think some people just like yapping to hear the sound of their own voices. Being a stay at home mum is hard work, Super hard work. Throw in a work from home job and it’s going to be hard to balance. One day a week at nursery is nothing. I know a few mums who stay at home and their littles are in nursery almost every day. Each to their own, and what works for them. Thank you for sharing with the #DreamTeam xx
    Annette, 3 Little Buttons recently posted…#DreamTeam Linky 41My Profile

  9. February 8, 2017 / 8:14 pm

    YES Fi, I love this and couldn’t agree more. I feel like there’s a lots of bitchy behaviour going on lately and you’re so right that we need to be supporting each and not bring each other down. Another fantastic post lovely xx #marvmondays
    Wendy recently posted…Creating your dream baby nurseryMy Profile

  10. February 17, 2017 / 5:18 am

    It always upsets me when I see other people putting each other down for their life choices. You’re right, we need to just support each other and not be so quick to feel superior. #BlogCrush

    • beautybabyandme
      February 18, 2017 / 2:55 pm

      Ohh I’m off to read this now xx

    • beautybabyandme
      February 18, 2017 / 2:55 pm

      Ha ha Hell yeah! xx

  11. February 17, 2017 / 9:57 am

    I love this. We definitely need to build each other up rather than tear each other down. There’s so much judgement about so many things. It’s just not necessary. #BlogCrush

    • beautybabyandme
      February 18, 2017 / 2:55 pm

      Thanks for your lovely comment x

  12. February 17, 2017 / 8:58 pm

    Bang on. Write what you like. If people don’t want to read it then they shouldn’t. We can’t live our lives thinking about what others will think of specific details in our lives.

    People who pretend everything is perfect are only lying to themselves. I’m totally with Fran. Even Mary Poppins has bad days. And I should know 😉

    • beautybabyandme
      February 18, 2017 / 2:54 pm

      Ahh thanks for your lovely comment x

  13. February 18, 2017 / 2:46 pm

    I completely agree with your views on not tearing each other down. I think it is a mark of insecurity to do so. Somehow people thing that tearing someone down builds them up. It doesn’t. However sometimes I think there is an oversensitivity. Maybe it’s because we’re so used to being tron down that we look for the negative in comments that are not ment to be negative. Like when people tell skinny people that they need to put on weight. I think this is ment as a compliment. Most people want to be skinny. They wouldn’t think anyone would take offece to having their slender frame pointed out. And people who say to give the baby a bottle instead of boob are probably trying to say that it’s ok to have a break once in a while. I think there is a lot of pressure on women to breastfeed. Maybe those people are trying to be helpful by taking that away. But then again I wasn’t there and didn’t hear these comments so I can’t be sure how they were intended to come accross. #BlogCrush

  14. February 19, 2017 / 8:47 pm

    Just popping back again from #BlogCrush. I’m so glad Wendy chose this post to feature! I think it’s so important for us to build each other up rather than belittling or judging each other
    Lucy At Home recently posted…BlogCrush #01: Fri 17th FebruaryMy Profile

  15. February 21, 2017 / 6:59 am

    Love this post. Quite frankly, any mother who says they have never counted down to bedtime is a liar! We have all been there, some more frequently than others I’m sure (that would be me), but at some piont our little darlings are going to drive us insane and we will crave the peace the bedtime can bring, no matter how short lived. We are all doing the best we can with what we have and the situation we are in. We should definitely be building each other up and not tearing each other down. X
    #BlogCrush
    Alana – Burnished Chaos recently posted…My Sunday Photo – 19th February 2017My Profile

  16. February 23, 2017 / 9:02 am

    Bloody love this post!! You are spot on! I think sometimes social media and the online word is just plain mean. its one of the reasons I struggle with it. I feel your pain on counting down to bedtime, I often do. I think it’s normal! And I’m a SAHM and my daughter goes to nursery one full day a week still – I need the break, it’s good for her and I get chance to blog/try to build a bit of a career for me. I still get surprised looks from people when they find out. Don’t let it get you down. We all love you!! #BlogCrush

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge