Dear Diary… F**k You Mummy Guilt

Hi Everyone,

This weeks “dear diary” may seem rather boring in comparison to previous ones we’ve done, particularly our fun filled holiday diary of last week. This is mainly the baby’s fault!

One of the reasons Josh was so challenging on holiday was due to him being quite snotty and having a horrible cough. So on Monday I thought it was probably best I get him to the doctors. Good thing I did as it turns out he has something called Bronchiolitis. Poor little munchkin. It can often cause breathing problems in bubs, but thankfully for Josh it hasn’t and despite being poorly he has been in great spirits.  So the doctors advice was cuddles and calpol! But she did have one bit of advice for us; it can be contagious so best to stay home for a few days…..

OH DEAR GOD

To me this sounded like hell. Josh and I go out every day. Play Dates, Classes, Walks; I make sure we get out the house every day. So the thought of a few days staying in the house and not seeing anyone sounded very testing. I find getting out the house so important, for me as well as Josh. A change of scenery, some fresh air, it really can do you the world of good. Especially at this time of year when it’s all getting a bit dark and grey.

We kind of obeyed….!! On Tuesday we had no option but to leave the house due to me suffering a horrible anxiety attack (I’ve written a rather personal post about this here ) so we went to the doctors again. On Wednesday we completely disobeyed the rules and went to a friends house for lunch and a playdate; naughty, but I am so glad we did cause apart from a couple of flying visits to the shops on to stock up on milk and supplies, we didn’t go out on Thursday and Friday! Thankfully my friend encouraged me to go and see her and her little one and it seems Josh hasn’t passed on his snot germs – phew!! Josh has also been full of beans this week despite being poorly – he hasn’t stopped and it’s been a full time job keeping him occupied. He’s the worlds happiest patient!!

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Cheeky Play Date!

But staying home for a few days, as much as it was nice to be relaxed and spend lots of time playing with Josh, has raised a few feelings of mummy guilt! I fucking hate mummy guilt it really pisses me off! It’s like you can’t win. Here are a few of the things I’ve felt guilty about this week:

  • When playing with Josh and focusing on him, I’ve felt guilty for not blogging!!
  • When I have had time to blog, I’ve felt guilty that Josh is in baby jail and that I’m not playing with him and giving him my full attention.
  • Every morning I put Josh in baby jail, with his toys and catch up on emails and blog admin; this is usually for 45 minutes or so. And every morning I feel bloody guilty for doing it cause even though baby jail is full of toys, cushions and everything to keep him happy and occupied, I feel bad that I’ve put him in there instead of letting him out to crawl all over me, the laptop and cause chaos.
  • Felt guilty I hadn’t taken him to the doctors sooner; what if it had been worse! (I’m an idiot – what’s the point in what ifs)!
  • Spent so much time worrying over stupid things that I gave myself an anxiety attack. Stupid of me; I need to be 100% focused on Josh not stressing over the washing, hoovering, or the fact that one nights dinner isn’t a homemade organic feast that Annabel Karmel would be proud of.
  • Felt guilty for not getting out for walks….. if we had I’d of felt guilty that the cold weather may have made Josh worse
  • When Josh napped, I spent time catching up on TV I’ve taped that I’ve not had chance to blog; I didn’t spend that time tidying, blogging, cooking, I selfishily spent it doing something I wanted. Felt guilty afterwards that I hadn’t spent that time doing something more productive
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Baby Jail isn’t so bad Mummy!!

I could go on and on! I am absolutely terrible for putting too much pressure on myself and worrying, as I have explained in my post earlier in the week. But I bet it’s not just me. So many of us will suffer with Mummy guilt. I had an epic one the other day.  Josh is now constantly on the move. I’m not joking, I cannot get the kid to stay still! Even changing a nappy has turned into a battle; you can’t get it on him, he pulls it back off, he rolls over and you can imagine how much fun this is when trying to clean a poo smeared bum!! One day I was getting so cross I raised my voice at him with a “for Gods Sake Josh” out of frustration!! I can honestly say I felt AWFUL afterwards. I immediately text my friends asking if anyone else had done this and felt as terrible as me and thank the lord, I am not the only one to raise my voice at my child. Of course Josh couldn’t have cared less, he continued to be a pain in the arse whilst I was changing his and had the bonus of getting everything he wanted for the rest of the day because I felt so bad. One very happy baby.

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We kept ourselves occupied 🙂

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One happy baby!

Mummy guilt is a minefield and a constant battle. One part of you attempts to reassure yourself, telling you to get a grip it’s only a day at home, a bottle, a dummy, a dirty nappy, a bit of crying, a glass of wine, a night out, and so the list goes on. We beat ourselves up over all these things and more, and we shouldn’t! But often, no matter how good a job we’re doing, no matter how many times those around us tell us what a great mother we are, we still have that bitch mummy guilt screaming at us we should be doing this or that, and we should be doing it better, undoing all your previous hard work and leaving you an insecure, questioning wreck trying to deal with a screaming baby who you are convinced thinks you’re the worst Mum in the world!

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The thing I, and all you Mums, need to do is remind yourself that you have got this motherhood thing sorted. No matter how much you’re questioning yourself, doubting yourself, worrying (argh the worrying) you have got this covered. Half the battle with motherhood is self belief! Every day us Mums face this battle, along with the battle of making it through the day keeping a kid alive! It isn’t fucking easy! And somedays it can almost weaken you into surrendering to the Mummy Guilt! But let me reassure you ladies (and dad’s who suffer with the unspoken Dad guilt)you will not be beaten by this bitch! We are all in this together; juggling babies, leaky boobs, tantrums, slowly losing our sanity. Sometimes it’s about taking a step back. Seeing that little person who relies on you for every little thing in life. He or she thinks you’re amazing. They don’t think you’re a shit Mum. They don’t doubt you. To them, you’re the bees knees. You’re their life line and they have all their faith in you. So you have to have faith in yourself and say fuck you Mummy guilt; I’m not going to feel like a shit Mum just cause I forgot to pick up some milk, or the house isn’t looking ship shape (seriously if you could see my house as I type this it’s like Babies R Us threw up in here). I’m not going to feel like a shit Mum cause sometimes I let Josh watch 10 minutes of the bastard Teletubbies in the morning whilst I check my emails and sometimes I let him self settle even if he is whinging as he does it. I’m not a shit Mum and nor are you. We are legends who single headedly grew these little people, through morning sickness, exhaustion and ballooning to the size of a whale and now hold down an unpaid 24/7 job of keeping them alive. Without us there would be no them. So next time Mummy guilt rears her ugly little head, remind her of this and that once your done with dirty nappies, screaming for no reason and boobs being obliterated as you try to feed your baby, that you won’t be feeling guilty for having that glass of wine this evening Take a moment to look at yourself through your babies eyes; you’re amazing.

Love

Fx

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22 Comments

  1. October 9, 2016 / 10:15 am

    Why are we so hard on ourselves! So glad to hear that you are ditching the guilt – you need to keep positive as the nights are getting longer! I suffer from more anxiety is the winter too and being in the house all the time does not help! Great post. #KCACOLS
    Sharon Parry recently posted…The summit of Pen y Fan in South WalesMy Profile

  2. October 9, 2016 / 10:47 am

    I will forever stand by happy mums make happy kids. Guilt can literally piss off. Its a horrible feeling isn’t it?! But we are all rocking it, good days or bad. We need those moments and we shouldn’t feel guilty about them. I sometimes put a lot of pressure on myself too, and I shouldn’t because it’s just pointless and makes me stressed! Thanks so much for sharing at #kcacols we hope to see you back next time.

  3. October 9, 2016 / 6:09 pm

    Love this! I’ve been so much better lately at squishing the mum guilt, but every now and again it rears it’s ugly head and I question whether I’m doing the best job I can. But we’re only human – we’re all doing the best job we can, of course we’re all going to slip and snap at some point. Sorry to hear Josh has been ill, but it sounds like he’s been dealing with it amazingly well! Hope he’s back to 100% soon though #KCACOLS

    • beautybabyandme
      October 11, 2016 / 6:52 pm

      Thank you lovely xxx

  4. October 9, 2016 / 6:12 pm

    I can tell you with complete certainty that the guilt will go away- and then renew itself and transform itself into some other form of mommy guilt. I have four little ladies and not a day doesn’t go by where I feel like some sort of failure in some maternal capacity. We are our worst critics.

    #KCACOLS
    kristin mccarthy recently posted…Peppa Pig Misses Her Chance At Freedom From The Ding-DongsMy Profile

  5. October 10, 2016 / 9:46 am

    We are so hard on ourselves! We need to embrace the positivity and remember that we are only human and that we have feelings too. Hope you are all on top form again soon #marvmondays
    Emma recently posted…Review of the new Teletubbies magazine!My Profile

    • beautybabyandme
      October 11, 2016 / 6:51 pm

      Thank you lovely xx

  6. October 10, 2016 / 8:42 pm

    Glad you have cut yourself some slack. Mum guilt is a b*tch and strikes when you need it the least. But if your little one seems happy then there is nothing to feel guilty about. Plus enjoy those days where you can use the ‘baby jail’. My daughter won’t stay in hers at all now at 19 months and my laptop can’t come out whilst she’s awake because she wants to put her sticky mitts on it! Hope you have a better week and your son is on the mend after a horrid illness x #KCACOLS
    Angela Watling recently posted…My Top 10 Online Reads – September 2016My Profile

    • beautybabyandme
      October 11, 2016 / 6:48 pm

      I will certainly make the most of it! Thanks lovely xx

  7. October 12, 2016 / 2:06 pm

    Oh Mummy guilt is a cruel thing. We’re all doing the best we can and we need to stop being so hard on ourselves.

    I hope josh is feeling better my little girl had it over Christmas last year. Such a nasty illness.

    #DreamTeam

  8. October 12, 2016 / 7:18 pm

    I love this. Mummy guilt is awful, we try so hard! I hope Josh is feeling better x #KCACOLS

  9. October 12, 2016 / 7:45 pm

    Without sounding strange, it’s so great that you have share this type of post, because it really helps in those moments when you think… is it just me that feels like this. For the mummy guilt over the playpen – allowing little ones time on their own (supervised) to play without you is so important to their development, so really, giving baba this time is actually helping . Thanks so much for sharing with the #DreamTeam. Always LOVE reading your posts. xx
    Annette, 3 Little Buttons recently posted…Top 5 Reasons To Ditch Trick or Treating This HalloweenMy Profile

    • beautybabyandme
      October 14, 2016 / 5:43 am

      Thank you for your lovely comment chick xxx

  10. October 12, 2016 / 9:50 pm

    Love this! The mum guilt is the worst. Its a constant battle trying not to feel guilty for something. Because there is always something isnt there. But what I’ve come to realise I guess it that point -that there will always be something to feel guilty about, becuase that just seems to be the name of the parenting game! But as with all these things it is comforting to know its not just me that feels like this. Fab post, thanks for sharing it on #MarvMondays. Emily

  11. October 13, 2016 / 6:47 am

    Totally agree with you on this. I have days where I feel like a bit of a shit mum as working out or doing house work is my priority and I curse when Pops wakes and I’ve not finished blogging but then there’s other days where we have great days playing and I totally sack off Twitter for family time. It’s all about balance and we can’t all be perfect! #coolmumclub
    Fran Back With a Bump recently posted…Things You Never Knew About Shopping With A Baby Until You Had One!My Profile

    • beautybabyandme
      October 14, 2016 / 5:43 am

      It’s so hard finding that balance at times isn’t it – I feel the same, stressing over time to blog and spending time with family. Glad it’s not just me xx #coolmumclub

  12. October 13, 2016 / 9:45 am

    Bloody mummy guilt! I hate it when it crops up and three years on it still does but I am much better at seizing it by the throat and giving it a good pummeling….we all have days when we feel like we are a shit mum and but hey! we’re only human (massively imperfect creatures!). Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub lovely lady xxx
    Talya recently posted…10 reasons why Donald Trump cannot become presidentMy Profile

    • beautybabyandme
      October 14, 2016 / 5:42 am

      Thanks hun – I’m guessing as time goes on it’ll get easier to tell Mum guilt to do one!! xx #coolmumclub

  13. October 13, 2016 / 1:23 pm

    Urrrgh I suffer terribly with mummy guilt. Whatever I do, I will feel guilty about it. It’s horrible. We just need to recognise that we’re all doing our best with the time/emotions/hours of sleep available. But it’s really difficult #CoolMumClub
    Lucy At Home recently posted…Nail The School Run Like A Pro: The School Run SongMy Profile

    • beautybabyandme
      October 14, 2016 / 5:41 am

      I agree hun it’s a tough one to remind ourselves of sometimes xx #coolmumclub

  14. October 13, 2016 / 8:36 pm

    Mum guilt has a tendency to tear you apart if you let it, and it sneaks up at the strangest of times! We’re all doing our best and just need to be a little less hard on ourselves. Great post Fi xx #KCACOLS
    The Speed Bump recently posted…Leaflets Won’t Make Me BreastfeedMy Profile

    • beautybabyandme
      October 14, 2016 / 5:38 am

      So true hun – all we can do is our best xx #KCACOLS

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