First of all, forgive me. It’s been AGES since I’ve done a proper Dear Diary post, life has kind of taken over and to be honest, I’ve allowed it. If you follow me on social media (oh go on, you know you want to) you’ll know I’ve been troubled with the blogging guilt of late. I’ve noticed for about a month or so now I’ve been a bit stressed with regards to my blog. I’ve been doing lots of reading into sponsored posts, how I should be scheduling what I write, and basically how I should be doing things a certain way to make my blog a success. It’s been really getting to me, even to the point of thinking about it at night. This was not good. And it was the absolute last thing I wanted. I started this blog for a few reasons; I love to write, I find I can really articulate my feelings and thoughts when they are written down, I wanted to share my journey into motherhood with other Mums who could read it and think “thank fuck it’s not just me losing my mind”, I wanted to offer reassurance, a bit of a giggle, and for people to read it and feel like they were listening to a friend.
I can honestly say that is something I believe I’ve achieved. I get so many amazing and supportive comments, many of them saying exactly what I wanted “it’s not just me then” and feeling comfort from knowing they’re not the only ones who are feeling so hormonal they’ve lost their shit just because there is no ice cream in the freezer (in all fairness, every woman has the right to lose their shit over that; it’s just not ok). And I feel it’s my style of writing that has made that happen. My honesty, bluntness, and inability to beat about the bush!
Now obviously I am a Stay at Home Mum. I am not working. So I had been keen to find a way to make a career from my blog and from my writing. I’ve done some brilliant courses, where I’ve learnt some really valuable information and it has motivated me. But I could feel myself feeling more and more pressure. Why wasn’t I making money, why wasn’t I doing as well as other bloggers who have been blogging for less time than me, why couldn’t I secure sponsored posts. It was winding me up, pissing me off and clogging up my mind. And in turn I began to notice, I wasn’t writing as much. I was too busy googling SEO (still lost on me) and sponsored posts. Then I realised; that is NOT why I started this blog. I never wanted my blog to become a stress, a burden. It’s my place to write, let all my thoughts and feelings flow, share the hecticness that is being a Mum. That’s what I’m about, that’s what my blog is about. I simply can’t schedule the way others can; I have to write when it feels right and I know it will flow naturally. The beauty of my blogs is my ranting, my ability to chat crap that I’m hoping will provide you with a giggle over a cup of tea (or a glass of wine – hey, we all need it)! So I’ve made a decision, not to stress any more. Write as I am, as I have in the past, just be me. If anything comes of it that will be amazing, but there are plenty of other avenues I plan to explore. I don’t want to lose the enjoyment of my blog. So that’s the main thing I’ve come to realise this week.
Also, Josh has been keeping me extremely busy! We’ve had days away visiting friends and family, play dates, walks and then yesterday we spent together, on a mission. A mission I won’t forget in a hurry. A mission to get a urine sample from a 10 month old baby boy…… you can imagine how I felt by the end of yesterday. Four hours of crawling round after a baby with no nappy on, trying to catch his wee in a bowl I held underneath him the whole time he was awake. By some miracle I managed to get it in the end; the nurse was so impressed with my determination. I however, needed a large glass of wine (standard) by the end of last night! And bonus, baby boy didn’t have a urine infection; hallelujah!
Also this week, we’ve been celebrating birthdays. One of the babies from our NCT group turned one this week; it’s actually crazy to even say that. Out of the babies born in our group, Josh was one of the last, and to be fair Oliver (whose birthday it was) was 5 weeks early. But it dawned on us all how fast time is going, and how far we’ve all come as Mums. It’s been a godsend to have one another to lean on for advice and support. Being a Mum seems to be a never ending stream of questions, doubts and worries but we manage to get each other through it. We each treated one of the other babies to a little gift which was really sweet.
I have had the dentist this week – boo hiss! Two fillings – hideous. And I was petrified which is ridiculous cause having had a baby I should officially be double hard and ready to take on anything, but I was a nervous wreck. Thankfully Josh’s Granny and his Aunty Hannah came to look after him along with his cousins who, as you can see, had a whale of a time. I love that Josh has cousins that he is going to grow up with and play with. It’s lovely seeing them all together.
Last weekend was spent back in Oxford visiting family and friends. It was a very quick visit but I managed to get a few hours off to have afternoon tea and some bubbly with friends which was a massive treat. I love going home and seeing everyone, but we didn’t get to see all our friends as we only had two days so we are heading back to the Shire at Christmas! It’s an epic journey, but well worth it.
Next week is my birthday. I am a child; I love birthdays! I am so excited for this years; I have the morning booked at the hairdressers whilst Sam has Josh, then we will do something as a family in the afternoon then Sam and I are going out on a date night whilst Granny babysits! I cannot wait for date night! It’s so rare we are out just us two, so it’ll be a proper little treat. I am also very excited to get my first birthday card as a Mummy!! And this Saturday night I’ve got a girls night planned with my besties in front of X Factor and Strictly with, of course, prosecco! So, lots to look forward to!
And that’s about it for this week. It’s been a lovely one, lots of thinking as you can tell from the start of this post, but positive thinking, and I’m glad I’ve taken that weight off my shoulders. And it’s given me a chance to think about what I do want to do, in my own way and in my own time. I haven’t vlogged for AGES so I’d like to get back into that, and with Josh’s first birthday coming up, I’ve got a years reflection to look back on and write about. Plus there’s still that book idea…… must get started! Watch this space!
I hope you’ve enjoyed this weeks rambling! And I hope you understand what I’ve said about blogging and look forward to lots more from me, doing it my own little Fi like way!
Lots of Love