First of all, apologies for my absence the past couple of weeks. But it is safe to say I have the very best excuse! On Wednesday 2nd December at 17.01, my baby boy was born! And since then it has been quite the whirlwind, as I am sure all you other mummy’s can relate to!
Things did not go quite according to plan (understatement) so I’ve got lots to tell. And it goes to show no matter how prepared you think you might be for something, I don’t think anything can prepare you for labour and all that you experience becoming a mother for the first time. I can’t believe I’m sat here blogging with my little boy in his napper next to me. I guarantee this will take ages to write as I can’t take my eyes off of him!
So my adventure in to labour started in the early hours of Tuesday 1st December. It had been taking me ages to fall asleep that night as my restless legs were in full mode (standard) so I’d gone to sleep on the sofa. At about 3am I woke up to a very bizarre pain; I guess it was like an out of the blue period pain. In my half asleep state I dragged myself back up to my own bed and decided not to think on it as I didn’t want to get my hopes up. I’d had a few twinges and stuff before but my Braxton Hicks were in full swing by the end of the pregnancy so I put it down to that. But when I woke up on Tuesday morning I was still in discomfort and something in me knew this was likely to be the beginning. Knowing that first labours are slow (yet another understatement – I’d not meet my baby for about another 38 hours) I didn’t say anything to my husband and sent him off to work as normal. I decided my best plan for the day would be to keep active. So off I went to Tesco, doing my best not to waddle, tricky at 39 weeks, and grimace with these pains. I thought I’d been covering it quite well until a very sweet man working there asked if I was ok to which I told him I was fine. He gave me a very knowing look and said “I’ve had 5 kids love, I know the signs of labour”! Somewhat embarrassed at my determination to do food shopping in this state, I went home and decided my next best distraction would be to decorate our Christmas tree. Untangling yards of fairy lights did indeed do the trick of taking my mind off the pains and I managed to turn our lounge into a beauty Santa’s Grotto. Not a bad effort for someone in considerable pain.
By now it was Tuesday afternoon. I’d given the hubby a heads up that it might be a good idea to get all his work tied up whilst he can, as by now I knew he’d be going on paternity leave the next day. I’d also had my Mum on the phone several times and I have to say she was a god send. My next distraction was to watch Magic Mike XL which worked wonders 😉
By the time evening rolled around I made sure we had a decent dinner and then things really started to kick off. Even my Tuesday night guilty pleasure of Holby City couldn’t distract me. I was either rolling about on my ball or clinging on to the side of the fish tank in our lounge. At 10pm I thought I better try and get some sleep whilst I could, but the second I got into bed my body went into overdrive and my contractions went crazy! I left Sam to sleep and went downstairs and spent the next three hours packing, swearing and building myself a tower of cushions which I’d hurl my face into with each contraction. By 12.30am Wednesday morning I’d decided I’d been at it for quite long enough and seeing as I was now being sick and had had a show (sorry but how gross are they), and called delivery suite who said to come in. I don’t think I’ve ever seen my husband get out of bed so quick although I was now in so much pain I couldn’t move that fast and even had a contraction outside our house crouched down on the pavement – thank god it was the middle of the night and none of the neighbours saw. Even our journey to hospital was eventful due to the fact that our usual route, which had done a thousand times, was closed thanks to roadworks! Bloody typical. Anyway we finally got to hospital and fortunately delivery suite was pretty quiet and I was seen immediately. I was thrilled to discover I was 6cm dilated; I had had fears that I was only 2cm and would be sent home. I was asked what pain relief I’d like and immediately opted for an epidural.
The wait for this wasn’t too long and I was lucky enough to have two lovely midwives looking after me at this point. Their first job though was getting the cannula into my hand. This had, for a long time, been my biggest fear. I don’t know why, I can’t explain it other than I’ve always had a real phobia related to blood, veins and particularly in the arms. So this was hell for me and I chugged on the gas and air to get me through the administration! The epidural didn’t scare me half as much but the anaesthetist did have a hard time doing it as I was contracting so hard and you’re not supposed to move an inch. Once it was in, it was dawn and we decided to try get some sleep. I slept half heartedly and woke up to a new midwife, who was just as lovely as the previous ones and we had a few hours of waiting to see how I’d progressed. By now my waters hadn’t gone so these were broken for me. It was such a bizarre experience cause you really do hear a pop when they go and they came gushing out all over this poor midwife! It went on for ages too! By mid morning I was examined and was really disappointed to hear I hadn’t progressed, most likely due to the epidural. I always knew this was a possibility though. As lunch time rolled around I started to feel a huge amount of pain in my pelvis which I knew wasn’t right as I’d had this epidural and kept pressing the top up button. The consultant anaesthetist came down to see me, a brilliant man who was very funny and looked and sounded like Eddie Murphy, and he said it looked like the epidural had come out and would need to be re-sighted. Not ideal and particularly not when the midwife had examined me again and said I was now at 10cm. Also known as the dreaded transition stage. This combined with the wearing off of the initial epidural made me go, what I like to refer to as, bat shit crazy! I full on lost the plot. I remember crying and becoming really distressed thinking I wouldn’t be able to do it. Thankfully the anaesthetist administered an even stronger epidural than the one before and once that kicked in I got told I could start pushing. But of course that couldn’t be simple and despite doing some good pushing and being told I had decent strong contractions, baby wasn’t moving any further and the pain I had been feeling seemed to be because babies head was wedged into my pelvis. By this time I had a lovely consultant doctor come to see me and she said it looked as though we’d need to go to theatre and try forceps. I had got my head back together a bit by then and begged to push more, I was determined. But it was no good and I was moved to theatre. Things get a bit hazy now as I got very distressed again; I remember being absolutely terrified. I knew what was coming if the forceps failed. I’d had a spinal block by now so couldn’t feed a thing and everyone in theatre (and there really was a lot of people) was being so kind to me, trying to comfort me. The consultant tried her best with forceps but this was another fail and so I had the only option I’d dreaded – an emergency caesarean. I remember thinking I couldn’t believe after months of scans to determine if I’d need a C Section due to my placenta, and being told I wouldn’t need one, only for it to end up like this I just couldn’t believe it! I think by this point, having not really slept in 38 hours I was completely delirious and I can’t remember a great deal. I remember crying a lot, throwing up a lot and whinging to the anaesthetist I wanted to go home (that was realistic)! Thankfully my brain and motherly instinct did kick in at the most important point because the anaesthetist told Sam to tell me what we had as the baby was lifted out and I saw his face light up as he told me we had a boy; I will never forget the happiness in his face and his voice and I am so glad that during the whole horrible experience that is the one thing I can remember clearly.
I don’t recall a great deal after that as I was sewn back up and taken to recovery. The next thing I really remember is being in recovery and my son being brought to me. Josh Oliver Williams was born a little bruiser weighing 8lbs and 11oz at 17:01 on 2nd December and I was told there was no way I’d of been able to push him out naturally. When he was brought to me he fed straight away and I fell utterly in love. I’ve never felt anything like it – it was a feeling that totally took over me and I forgot the pain and discomfort I was in (for now anyway). He was and is absolutely worth it.
We spent two nights in hospital and as amazing as the hospital and its staff were, I was so glad to get home. I have to say it’s been hard though; the recovery from the c section is not something I’ve been happy about at all and it baffles me that all these celebrities chose to have one. But I’ll save that for another blog 😉
For now we are super happy, super tired and learning a lot! Breastfeeding has been a challenge but one we are getting to grips with and I have been so well looked after by my husband, family and friends. I’ve also got so much more to blog about including the amount life has taught me in the last week. Having Josh has totally put everything in my life in perspective. Things I was fretting about before I had him are no longer even a factor and I’ve realised how amazingly natural motherly instinct is. I’m not going to lie, this past 10 days has been a very steep learning curve for me; there’s been tears, frustration and sleep deprivation. But that has all been massively outweighed by love. For a start I didn’t think I could love my husband more than I already did but the way he supported me in labour, the birth and this past 10 days has been unreal and I love him so much for that, it actually makes me cry happy tears even thinking about it. And the love I have for Josh, well you can’t even describe it. It doesn’t matter how much he crys, how hard it can be mastering breastfeeding, how many times he poo’s as soon as you’ve changed his nappy; I love him more than I even knew it was possible to love some one. I’ve shared my pregnancy journey with you all and I can’t wait to share my journey into motherhood with you all.
Thank you for all your lovely messages and your patience for this post. Look out for more later this week. For now, here’s Josh: