I can’t believe it but this week Josh is 12 weeks! I can’t believe it has been nearly three months since we had him. It has been the most wonderful, insane, eye opening three months of my life. It’s often said a picture says a thousand words and I decided to share some of the pictures from our first three months together.
To warn you, I look horrendous in the early pictures. I was pretty unwell and exhausted after my C Section but I think that the photos show the reality of those early days and how important it is to nap when the baby does (something you will see I do a lot)! So here we go….
3 Days Before Labour
Wow! Looking back, I can’t believe how enormous I was! I loved my bump and certainly showed it off proudly. I remember I was starting to feel a bit nervous around this time, although so excited. I was so naive though; I read so much during pregnancy, I had everything ready right down to things in the nursery being opened and ready for use so I didn’t have to faff about when the baby arrived. I was in for quite the eye opener when baby decided to arrive…..
One Hour Old
One of our first pictures together! I remember being in awe of what had just happened; I’d been in labour 38 hours, and I couldn’t fully remember Josh being born as I was quite out of it in theatre, and now this beautiful little boy was here and all mine. I was shell shocked and exhausted, but most of all I was the proudest Mummy in the world. I remember being in this room and the nurses being amazing with helping me breastfeed; there was so much to learn but I was given loads of support.
One Day Old
Obviously, and as I am sure you’ll agree, understandably, I look like a sack of shit in this photo! I’d had an amazing first night with Josh; he’d slept on me most of the night which I know isn’t the done thing, and it isn’t something I’ve repeated much since, but as I had a C Section and was fairly out of it, I missed out on that immediate skin to skin after the birth. So that was my way of making up for it and I don’t regret it one bit. I had family visit that day which was lovely and I remember we were proud as punch to show off our beautiful new arrival. The hospital were faultless in my care for me; the midwives, consultants and everyone else who was there during my labour were kind, supportive and looked after me so well. I was so grateful for the care I had.
Three Days Old
This was taken on our first full day at home after getting back the evening before. I remember it feeling so surreal when we brought Josh home, that feeling of “this is it now, I’m a mummy, I hope I know how to do this”. Of course you learn as you get to know your baby, and with the support of your partner and family. I managed to make myself look half human for this picture – one of my best friends had come over and took it. But I wasn’t looking like this when she first turned up ….. I believe the shirt was fully undone, boobs out, as I tried to master breastfeeding!!! Good thing she doesn’t judge me. However later that day…..
Now this is one of the photos I was nervous to post because frankly, and as shallow as it may sound, I look like shit! I was exhausted and couldn’t even be bothered to lie down to sleep; I was just going to sleep anywhere, along with my comfort scarf (oh the shame!!). That chair became my best friend for the first month whilst I rested after the C Section and mastered breastfeeding! Josh looks adorably tiny in this crib; he was like me and up for napping lots!
4 Days Old… The Blues Day
This is the worst picture of me in the world ever! I hate it. But I think it is a true reflection of how shattering those first few days are. And that’s not to scare anyone, it’s a fact. This is motherhood people; you’ll be tired and, physically, feel rubbish the first few days after the birth. Thankfully the fact you are absolutely besotted with your new baby makes up for it all but I did have a few blue days and I remember this being a particularly bad one. It was the day my midwife came and removed my C section stitch and I just couldn’t stop crying all day, even when I felt happy. My midwife was amazing and supportive all the way through my pregnancy so I felt totally comfortable in front of her and she reassured me that having a weepy day, particularly at this point after birth, was totally normal and to ride it out and have a good cry to get it out my system. Her advice was so reassuring, and that along with my naps when Josh snoozed really were a god send.
Ahh this was a proud day; going to get Josh registered. I think it was one of the first times I went out after having him. It was so nice to get out and for such a lovely reason. Between weeks 3 to 5 I did struggle a lot; I found the sleep deprivation so hard to deal with and I was still getting to grips with feeding and my hormones settling down. I was quite alarmed at how hormonal and emotional I felt and it put me on edge a bit. I am quite an anxious person anyway and I could feel this intensifying as I tried to find my feet with motherhood. But I was hugely fortunate that my husband was amazingly supportive; every day he reminded me what a great job I was doing, Josh was putting on weight and feeding well even though I’d had some discomfort along the way, I was getting a bit more active after the C Section and I was coping better than I realised. I think looking back now I can believe what he, and what family and friends, were saying; I was doing better than I gave myself credit for. But I was a bit down for a few weeks which I felt so guilty before because with such a beautiful little boy I should have only been happy. No one talks about how your emotions can be overwhelming at this stage; you expect the blues for a day or two at the very start but I didn’t expect to still be feeling that way a few weeks after birth. I wanted to nip any low moods in the bud and spoke up quickly about how I was feeling to my husband, doctor and family and friends. I don’t know if it was my speaking up or just things settling down as time had passed but around week 5 things really started to click into place. We’d fallen into a relaxed pattern (I don’t like to say routine at this early stage as it sounds over the top for Joshs age) and I was finally starting to feel physically better. So it was around now I decided it was time to get out and about again!
6 Weeks Old
I am one proud mumma in this picture! My friend, who had her baby in September, and I went for a walk around a beautiful lake near where we live, and it’s something we’ve done on a regular basis since. It felt wonderful to be out with a friend, chatting about everything we’d experienced in the last few months and to be getting some fresh air. This was a real turning point for me and showed me I could go out alone, drive, breastfeed in public, and all the other things I’d been nervous about. It helped me so much and spurred me on to make sure Josh and I get out the house every day. And now, if we do have a day at home, we see it as a treat day. We had a lazy day last week but it was wonderful; I even watched two films (Legend with Tom Hardy which is brilliant, and the Ed Sheeran film, Jumpers for Goalposts which made up for missing the Wembley gig last year) which was an achievement in itself.
8 Weeks Old
It was around this age that Josh started smiling, although sadly he wasn’t in these pictures! It was amazing starting to see his smiles, especially when he saw me or his Daddy. I think you can also see in my eyes, I am 100% more myself, back to normal. I love how happy and proud I look in these pictures, even with bags under my eyes!
12 Weeks Old
And we have a smiler!!! I am loving that now I see something new in Josh every day; the noises he makes, the faces he pulls, his recognition of the family. The other day he sat with his Dad watching our fish tank for about 20 minutes in awe. I guess now he is following things more with his eyes and recognising more colours so it’s lovely to see the delight in his face.
I can hand on heart say I absolutely love being a Mummy. Despite how hard I found it to begin with, as all mothers do I am sure, I truly think it has been the making of me. I feel completely at ease with everything now, even the tiredness. I think now that I don’t have a gazillion hormones racing round and the sleeping has improved over time, I can cope with what the day throws at us so much more. I’ve been fortunate to have the most amazing support from my husband and family and my amazing girlfriends have helped me with so much advice and reassurance.
You can see over these pictures what a journey we’ve been on and we are only three months in! I remember in the first week feeling so ill after the surgery, and the struggle with breastfeeding due to Joshs tongue tie, combined with the tiredness, I was convinced I was never going to feel better. Everyone said to me it would get easier, which all sounded good and well but in that moment I couldn’t believe them. I should have, because it is completely and utterly true. It really has got easier, better and I am so grateful and happy to be blessed with my beautiful baby, my family and my health.
I hope you appreciate the honesty of this post, I know the early pictures are shocking but I wanted to show that no matter how exhausted you are, how much of a state the house is in (and seriously do NOT worry about housework or cleaning it doesn’t matter), it does get easier over time, with the support of your loved ones, the love from your gorgeous baby and most importantly from having faith in yourself.
Thanks for reading xxx