One for the Husband

Now, here’s the thing. I know I am a pain in the arse. I can be rebellious, defensive, overly sensitive and a back chatting feisty little cow bag.

However, I’m going to dare say it, sometimes I just want to lose my shit with you. This is something all women will feel for their other halves. Because sometimes – note only sometimes – you don’t have a clue.

Dad’s don’t have it easy. They have to deal with us hormonal nutcases, spend a large proportion of their time being moaned at as well as going to work (note this is written with my personal situation in mind – I know there are plenty of stay at home Dads). This is by no means an attack on the Dads out there. You for one, my dear husband,  are an amazing father – there is no way on this earth I could ask for a better Dad to my child.

But there are times I want to beat you round the head with the Makka Pakka toy. Our lives as parents are team work but they are also incredibly different. And I don’t think I will be the first Mum to feel this. Case in point – I spend most of my days covered in some form of bodily fluid. It’s a given. The kid will get piss on me two minutes before we have to leave the house. Where we differ is this; if you were pissed on, you’d undoubtedly change, freshen up, and knowing you, attempt to have a quick shower. When I get pissed on, I usually am on a schedule where I have no choice but to, in the words of my genius friend Harriett “febreeze the fucker” and leave the house still wearing said pissy shirt. Same goes for vomit – a swift baby wipe is about all the attention it will get. Poo is where I draw the line but as you and I both know, I’ve been shit on more than once by our child and this includes the time I had to walk around the local farm park decorated with our child’s poo.

My point is, gulp, sometimes I am so jealous of you. When we had Josh both our lives changed forever. We were hit with this overwhelming all consuming love that you cannot put a price on. And this little lump of a person suddenly had complete control over our lives, even though he didn’t know it. But the envy I felt for you; you had the enjoyment of Josh arriving into the world. Your body didn’t change, you didn’t leak gallons of blood afterwards, you didn’t have nipples that were A) pain greater than the labour contractions and B) permanently at the disposal of someone else so the hopes of a shower were diminished within about 70 seconds.  You got to be the proud Dad, showing off our beautiful boy to the world. Two weeks later you were back at work, and life just continued for you as it always has but with the added bonus of a beautiful mini you who you’d give your life up for in a heartbeat.

I have to be honest. My life changed a great deal more than yours. Not just the predictable body changes, sleep deprivation and being a milking machine. But I simply cannot just do the things I want to anymore. My choice in life, which you fully supported, was to stay at home and be with Josh. I don’t regret this one bit. But I have to admit, I do get jealous of your lifestyle sometimes; you can just go for a bike ride, or watch an entire movie, or go away with the lads. These things are fairly effortless for you and I do feel a bit envious. And that makes me human, not a bad person before anyone attacks me.

On the other side of the coin, I support that – I support you. You are the sole earner of our family, you provide for us, look after us and put a roof over our heads. That is something I can never thank you for enough; no amount of me cleaning to make our house look nice is going to equate to how grateful I want you to know I am.

But it doesn’t change the fact that I do still sometimes want to beat you with said Makka Pakka toy. Because you may not realise this, and although as I’ve already said it was my choice to be at home, but some days with our child are hell. That cute curly haired boy can be a strong willed demonic pain in the rear end (I’ve no idea where he gets his strong willed attitude from……). You don’t stop ALL DAY. You will make breakfast for him – it will get thrown at you. You will try to clean the kitchen, he will pull the VERY FUCKING IMPORTANT bottles of prosecco from the wine rack. It will go quiet – you’ll find him eating cat biscuits. He will do a poo that will astonish even you – when you go to change his nappy he won’t stay still and allow you to do it in the quickest time possible; he will roll, wriggle, wrestle and more often than not, put his hand in his poo. He’ll then grab at you and you somehow then have to get both of you changed (as I’ve already said, even I draw the line at poo).

You will go out in the car; he will adopt some insane super human strength and go completely stiff to prevent you from getting him in his car seat. This very public stand off will be seen by sympathetic but also highly amused neighbours (you’ll hate them and call them twats under your breath). You’ll go to the shops and have to bribe him with biscottis to not have a mental breakdown in yet another attempt at making you lose the plot in public.

There will be times you’ll think, OK I’ll put CBeebies on TV for a bit, just so I can sit and relax for 5 minutes.

PAH!

Relax + One Year Old = You are fucking dreaming sunshine!

They may go into what looks like a relaxed trance when the frankly terrifying Mr Tumble makes an appearance but they will then realise they’ve not moved in 3 minutes and make up for this time by trying to put duplo in your Xbox (I hadn’t told you that yet had I…)

You make dinner – home made, full of goodness. This will go one of two ways; it’ll either be bluntly refused and he will make his point by putting the entire bowl on his head, or it will take you 90 minutes to get half the bowl down him as he attempts to feed himself. And the cat. Bath time will follow and will always culminate in an epic meltdown when you attempt to brush his teeth.

Then Daddy comes home….. it’s all smiles, running up for a cuddle, playing nicely. I don’t know why he, and I should imagine every other child out there, does this but it’s very annoying. You come home and see me; sweaty from the bath wrestle, covered in that nights spaghetti bolognaise, Mum bun fallen to the side of my head and mascara smeared down my face and wonder what on earth is wrong with me.  You’ll wonder how I could possibly be a in a bad mood when I have this little bundle of cute, curly haired smiles. That’s what I mean when I say you don’t always get it.

I don’t go to work; I don’t have the pressure of meetings, deadlines, office politics, traffic. However I can say this for all Mums; you don’t stop all day – mentally, physically, emotionally. You never get a chance to switch off. That’s what you take on when you become a Mum; it’s part and parcel of this incredible and rewarding role in life.  But you forget about yourself. You’re so focused on the shit storm that was their breakfast that you completely forget about having any yourself and it’s not until it’s nearly lunch time and you’ve got the shakes that you think oh yeah and reach for whatever is in sight and can be eaten in three seconds so that your toddler won’t see it. Because despite wanting none of his own food, he will ALWAYS want yours.

Parenting is a team sport. And I am so lucky that I have a husband who is a willing player, and who does a bloody good job of it. Yes you hate doing the nappies (can’t say I blame you – sometimes they actually scare me), you attempt to do wind down time but it never works because you are the tickle monster and lets face it, no one can resist seeing their kid giggle even if it is five minutes before bed time and he’s completely wound up, and you have no realisation as to why I may have bought yet another pack of vests (it’s not to waste money, we appear to have created a child that is a beast and doesn’t stop growing). No, you don’t see the shit storms, the times when I am crying because there is no cheese and the thought of putting him in the car seat to go and buy some is enough to make me take up lunchtime drinking, and somehow you have that built in ability to sleep through anything and not hear him when he’s having a 3am party/meltdown combo for an hour and a half in his cot.

But what you do do is be there. You’re there as Josh’s Dad, and as my husband. You are my biggest supporter. You help me, you encourage me. I know sometimes I am a bad tempered, ratty, irritable bitch. I know there are days when you and other men probably look at your wives and think “why can’t she be like INSERT NAME OF SUPPOSED PERFECT WIFE HERE”. Let me tell you fellas, perfect wife doesn’t exist; she is just like the rest of us, hiding in the utility room with a packet of jammy dodgers and half a glass of pinot at 5.30pm telling herself she deserves this just for making it through the day. She just covers it better than the rest of us, and most likely does so in a perfectly assembled Karen Millen outfit and blow-dried hair!

My point is, yes I moan at you, I complain at how easy your life is and how much freedom you have. I do that womanly thing of curtly saying “nothing” when you ask what’s wrong when inside I’m screaming that I’m wound up cause I’ve been puked on/judged by some other Mummy/ had a whole day without even that wonderful naptime hour with a whinging baby/ that I’m just really bloody tired. Along with babies, women are hard work; we’re complicated creatures.

We’re also kick arse heroes who brought your babies into the world through blood, sweat and tears and a distinct lack of dignity!

Bear with us.

Ps.

Sam, Our house is full of love for you and from you. Xx

 

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35 Comments

  1. February 27, 2017 / 11:36 am

    This is gorgeous and I can 100% relate – we have the same set up in our house. With Mother’s Day coming up I think we need to start dropping hints big time, the Dad’s certainly do their bit but too often us Mummies are the unsung heroes in the daily (stay-at-home) grind! #MarvMondays
    Mess and Merlot recently posted…I DON’T WANT A JOB – AND THAT’S OKMy Profile

  2. February 27, 2017 / 2:08 pm

    I love this Fi and I can relate to it absolutely. It’s the same here, I go through living Hell most days with the kids and Daddy comes home and they flock to him like the Messiah!! I am jealous of him having time to himself each day, eating his lunch in peace, sitting in his car for over an hour each day listening to music. I think that all SAHM’s will relate to this, amazing post and well deserved of blog of the day! #MarvvMondays
    five little doves recently posted…#WakeUpReady with Kalms – giveaway!My Profile

  3. February 27, 2017 / 9:18 pm

    Ah this is so true! My husband is greeted with laugh fun and games and constant tickles til bedtime. He does bath but she loves it and I hear them laughing whilst I’m cooking or tidying up. It’s non stop. I cried before 10am today and it’s Monday!! But my hubby is also our rock. Great post Hun xx

  4. February 28, 2017 / 8:46 pm

    Yup, I 100% relate to all of this. The evening cuddles and giggles for Daddy when they’ve been hell for you all day..wtf is that all about?! My husband is amazing and so supportive but I do have those days like you said where I feel like he just doesn’t really get it. Thanks for linking this fab post up to #BlogCrush hun xx
    Wendy recently posted…#BlogCrush linky – Week 2My Profile

  5. March 1, 2017 / 9:01 am

    Fab post. Although I work the same hours as my other half, I feel jealous of him. Mainly because he comes and goes as he pleases, does football twice a weekend and I say to him that life didn’t change for him when our son came along. Sometimes he gets it, sometimes he doesn’t. Well done for writing this, so many will relate to you #bloggerclubuk
    Rach recently posted…Give Me A ChallengeMy Profile

  6. March 1, 2017 / 1:02 pm

    I totally get this! My husband is flipping amazing as a Dad but still there are times when I have the burning rage at him – mainly when he just merrily spends an hour – A WHOLE HOUR! – in the bathroom on a Saturday morning. What is he doing in there? I can’t remember the last time I managed to spend an hour in the bathroom! I even get jealous of his long train commute home (which I used to do too and hated it) – imagine having all that time to yourself, to read a book, or listen to music – total bliss! #BloggerClubUK

  7. March 1, 2017 / 1:11 pm

    It’s like you took the thoughts straight out of my mind, and the words straight out of my mouth! I love this post. My sentiments exactly.
    This is something every SAHM feels. There’s jealousy, anger, irritation mixed with a whole load of love and gratefulness… sharing…
    #BloggerClubUK
    Nicole – Tales from Mamaville recently posted…Doing Nothing, yet EverythingMy Profile

  8. March 2, 2017 / 8:10 am

    Awww so lovely and TRUE! (the good and the bad 🙂 ) #coolmumclub

  9. March 2, 2017 / 2:40 pm

    This is an INCREDIBLE post! Sometimes you read a post and think, “how does this person know so much about ME?!” I really can’t add anything to it, but thank you for putting it all into words. I have loved reading this and knowing that I am not alone 🙂 #coolmumclub
    Lucy At Home recently posted…Is It Time For Me to Go Back To Work?My Profile

    • beautybabyandme
      March 6, 2017 / 11:46 am

      This comment means so much thank you honey xx

  10. March 2, 2017 / 8:30 pm

    Oh yes, after a day of Daddy working from home I’m looking for a makka pakka toy!

    You said it and we were all thinking it xx

    Thanks for sharing up to #coolmumclub
    MMT recently posted…#coolmumclub Linky week 58My Profile

  11. March 2, 2017 / 8:40 pm

    I sat here nodding in agreement. My boyfriend works and I stay at home with the typhoons. I’m so jealous that he can ‘pop to the gym’ for an hour or ‘just have a quick run’ or a ‘little’ game of football’ with the lads. I don’t want to exercise, just to breathe alone sometimes. The envy is normal (I hope). This is a fab read #coolmumclub

  12. March 3, 2017 / 9:55 am

    This is something we can all relate to. The change for us is HUGE. Great post.
    I get very jealous of the ‘break’ my husband gets from the kids when he’s at work.
    I also get jealous of the fact that he gets to talk to adults all day, even if he doesn’t like them!
    #blogcrush

  13. March 3, 2017 / 10:57 am

    I remember the days so well! Such an open and honest post and I’m glad you have such a good relationship with your husband. I bet if you hit him the Makka Pakka toy he’d still love you 🙂

    #Bloggcrush

  14. March 3, 2017 / 11:47 am

    Oh my goodness, you have hit the nail on the head! As much as I’d like to think we are very much 50/50 in our parenting, we really aren’t. And that’s not to say that my husband isn’t a brilliant father and husband and he absolutely does his fair share *most* of the time, there are still times when I wish it was the same for dads as it is for mums. With both of us working full time, he has to do his fair share otherwise I’d go crazy, but I think there are still times when he does what he wants whereas I have to book “time off” weeks in advance. But I try not to complain as I know I have it better than a lot of other women out there! #coolmumclub
    Abi – Something About Baby recently posted…DIY Lion costume for World Book DayMy Profile

  15. March 3, 2017 / 3:35 pm

    Brilliantly honest and I expect most mums can relate! #blogcrush

  16. March 3, 2017 / 5:09 pm

    I work two days and hubbo does 5/6 – he pays all our bills and I pay for food, clothes etc – yet I’m the sole caregiver when it comes to days we have no childcare, and he can just go and do as he pleases – I tell him i’m so jealous that he can sit and have a poo in peace. Man, what has my life become! #BlogCrush xx
    Lisa | Pass The Prosecco Please recently posted…Fitting my blog around daily lifeMy Profile

    • beautybabyandme
      March 6, 2017 / 11:45 am

      Ha ha you’re so right though! It’s not easy when we are the ones doing most things! xx

  17. March 3, 2017 / 5:10 pm

    I can definitely relate to this! I definitely want to hit him around the head with the Tomliboo toy (we don’t have a Makka Pakka) sometimes! Especially those days when I haven’t showered, the baby has been grizzling with me all day and I’ve got nothing done – then as soon as he walks in the door he gets smiles! #BlogCrush

  18. March 3, 2017 / 5:33 pm

    Oh my goodness, I know EXACTLY what you mean. There are nights when I could literally hold a pillow over my husbands head, especially when he complains about being tired. His actual comment the other day was that it was just as tiring for him going and getting the baby from his room as it was for me feeding him for FORTY minutes because I barely had to wake up…. WHAT?! I get so incredibly frustrated that his life is as it was, only better whereas mine has changed entirely. But then sometimes, I listen to him tell me how much he misses spending time with our son or how hard it was going back to work when your whole world has shifted and no-one elses has and I think… it’s not easy for the dads either.

    But it is easier – ha!!!! x

  19. March 4, 2017 / 1:12 pm

    TOTALLY. There’s nothing more annoying in the world than the feeling that my husband will simply NEVER understand. It’s not that I blame him, I’m not mad about it or anything like that, he will just never get it. Whatever ‘it’ is. That Mum feeling, every single thing I do I think about twice. Once for me, once for Hugo. He will never get that. I lost my shit when Hugo was first born because he’d been for his hair cut then come home having booked another appointment! I was fuming. #BlogCrush
    Helen recently posted…Losing a baby, PUL (Pregnancy of Unknown Location)My Profile

  20. March 4, 2017 / 6:28 pm

    I can so completely relate to this post and would be surprised if any other mum said they couldn’t. As amazing as our partners are as partners and dads, they just don’t experience such a massive life shift like the one we do as mums. I have definitely felt and been through so many of these emotions and its nice to read your post and know that I’m not the only one. Lovely post, thanks for sharing it on #MarvMondays. Emily

    • beautybabyandme
      March 6, 2017 / 11:43 am

      Thanks chick I’m so glad you enjoyed it x

    • beautybabyandme
      March 6, 2017 / 11:42 am

      Thanks chick x

  21. March 7, 2017 / 9:40 am

    Fab post! Think you pretty much sum up every SAHM’s feelings. I wouldn’t change being at home with my girls in a second and the thought of having to because of financial reasons, fills me with consuming dread, but you hit the nail on the head here when you describe how it feels to have a 24/7 job we never switch off! x
    Anna (Toys Preschool) recently posted…Money, money, money!My Profile

  22. March 7, 2017 / 1:54 pm

    I love this post and can completely relate. My hubby is great (when he is home – he works long hours and is often away!) at helping with the children. But I do envy him the fact that his life didn’t change anywhere near as much as mine did when they arrived; that the buck rarely stops with him when it comes to looking after the children. I envy his ability to phone me from work and tell me he’s going out for a couple of drinks and will be late home. Yes, it happens rarely but if he wants to go out, it doesn’t require a huge amount of organisation to make it happen. I’d love to go out for a quick drink with friends but they’re all mums too and so it takes a big effort on everyone’s part. So good to read this and know that I’m not alone in struggling sometimes with the 24/7-never-getting-to-truly-switch-off deal that comes with being a mum. #bloggerclubuk
    Louise (Little Hearts, Big Love) recently posted…The mummy I might have been: how did being a heart parent change me?My Profile

  23. March 15, 2017 / 9:01 pm

    Oh my GOD I love this! The most perfect blend of humour and emotion. #NoLinkyJustWantedToReadYourFabWords

  24. May 5, 2017 / 12:41 pm

    Popping over from Blog Crash. Great piece here! Dad’s do get it easy. We’re usually the “playmates” for the kids. They’re always excited when we come home from work. True, some dads stay home (I, myself, stay home part time). Either way, most of the time we get to be the good guys. Plus we get to sleep all night!

  25. May 8, 2017 / 7:36 pm

    I’m so glad someone added this to the blogcrush linky again because it really is a fab post. I have actually read it to Mr Lucy to give him a bit more of an insight. #blogcrush
    Lucy At Home recently posted…Blogcrush Week 12 – 5th May 2017My Profile

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