Stay At Home Mums… Not As Easy As You Think

Hi Everyone,

This must be about my third post where I’ve started off by saying “I was reading this article on the stupid Mail Online”… I mean, why am I still reading it! Clearly it is just irritating, controversial and frankly has some shoddy journalism where people can’t spell and insist upon daily irrelevant Kim Kardashian articles. But I do… it’s shameful, but everyday I still look on it and read about who’s shagged who on CBB so I don’t have to watch it, and mock Kim K and the “Klan” (even though I used to watch their shows all the time)!

Anyway, I digress (standard). The article I am referring to this time was one last week all about Stay at Home Mums and how they are happier than those that go to work. Of course, cue the comments (come on, we all go straight to comments on these articles) and the predictable “nice gig if you can get it”comments. But the most shocking thing I read was from one woman and it was this:

A stay at home mother is a non-person – feeble minded, beholden to another financially and unable to hack the real world. Every single one i know has zero conversational skills, nothing of interest to impart and a very narrow view of the world. They are however, expert on daytime television, the best coffee shops and the comparative merits of breast over bottle feeding.

Allow me to be blunt. What a dick. Now there is every chance that this woman only wrote this comment for effect and doesn’t even mean what she’s said. But whether this is the case or not, there are people out there who do think this. Let me start by saying that I am writing this from MY perspective, MY experience as a stay at home Mum.  So in response to this I can confirm that I am most certainly neither a non person or feeble minded; I think anyone who knows me personally, or anyone that reads this blog knows that I am strong character, feisty, positive. I pride myself on not letting negativity affect me as much as it used to. I just personally don’t like to let negativity dampen my life, or affect me as a person. I think if people want to be nasty or bitter, that it’s simply a reflection of their poor character, and not of mine. I am strong in my views and opinions, but I don’t inflict them on others, I just have a voice.

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Yes I am “beholden” to another financially. He’s my husband. We’re a team. He happily supports me. HOWEVER I am also quietly working on things in the background to have my own bit of money. My husband will still have to support me, and I know he doesn’t begrudge this, and I don’t feel shame for this. Because being at home all day with a child is not the piss easy gig people think it is…. I’ll get to that in a minute.

Further more, I like to think I am very interesting, if I’m not then I’m sure you wouldn’t be reading this post, but you are so I must be doing something right (and can I just say I am VERY grateful you are taking the time to read my blog, I love my readers). Believe me I have conversational skills; you can tell that from my tone of writing, and my husband, family, and friends will all vouch for the fact I can certainly hold my own in all manner of conversations!

A narrow view of the world. No. If anything my eyes have been opened to various views, opinions, experiences and challenges even more since I became a Mother. Being a Mum is an eye opener in itself….. once you’ve brought a human into the world in a manner that lacks all dignity and could result in you shitting yourself in front of a room full of strangers, that’s an eye opener right there.

An expert in day time TV…. well I won’t lie, Loose Women has become a guilty pleasure that I have on whilst I scoff lunch and Josh has his lunchtime nap… God forbid I spend an hour every few days watching some light TV.  The best coffee shops… well if you insist I’ll say Costa for their Mocha Lattes (please note the sarcasm here people)! Merits of breast over bottle….. sort yourself out love. All us Mums know what we’re doing; we’re doing what is right for us and our babies, regardless of whether we feed on boob or bottle.

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I would love this person to experience a day of being a SAHM. I can’t lie, I thought it would be easy when I envisaged it whilst pregnant; I thought it would be relaxing, I’d be out and about all the time, occasionally doing some housework, getting to do some reading whilst the baby napped….. well I was fucking dreaming wasn’t I!

Stay at Home Mums deserve a medal!!!! They also deserve some recognition, respect and quite frankly an apology from prats like the one who made that comment. Because until you’ve been a stay at home mum, you don’t get it. You don’t know.  Because heres the shocking part; it turns out being at home all day, looking after tiny humans, isn’t such an easy life after all. The main qualification you need for this job is that you must possess the patience of a saint. In your mind it will sound very simple and easy to keep a house hold running, get to the shops, cook some nice meals and soothe and entertain your demanding child. But it is not that easy…. You start to do one of the days tasks then said tiny human will shit himself all over the jumparoo (what an investment those things are – life changing). The phone will ring the second you start to do a feed, swiftly followed by the doorbell, at which point you’ll remember you need to take dinner out of the over before it is cremated. You never get to complete a task without an interruption, one that usually involves shit, wee or vomit. Your day will revolve around bodily fluids and the epic naptime battles.

Throw teething into the mix and you begin to consider day time drinking.

Speaking of which, it is true. You will never get to finish a hot cup of tea. In fact, if you even start a hot cup of tea that’s an accomplishment in itself.

On the flip side there are huge benefits to being a Stay at Home Mum, not just in the sense that you do get to be with your baby every day and watch them grow, but in the sense that you don’t have to have fake small talk with someone who you secretly think is a complete tosser, you don’t have the judgemental looks from your colleagues when you forgo salad for a burger and chips in the canteen, and you don’t have to go through style wars every day with “her from HR”!!!

I will proudly say it, I love being at home with Josh, I love being a stay at home Mum. And I won’t be shamed for that. It should be something I can say proudly, not mutter in a meek voice cause I’m a bit embarrassed when everyone else is discussing going back to work and enjoying being someone other than Mummy. We celebrate working Mums all the time, and rightly so. I take my hat off to them and quite frankly I don’t have a bloody clue how they do it. One of my best friends is a working Mum, and she manages to do a very high pressured job, come home and be a dedicated mother to her daughter, and is constantly winning at office fashion. I have a huge amount of respect for her.

And in turn, I know she respects me. She knows I’m not at home drinking tea and eating biscuits all day long (I save that for when she comes over and can join in with me!!). She knows I’m up early, feeding, changing, doing laundry, cleaning, cooking, preparing food for Josh, trying to keep him entertained, making sure I am dressed and looking like a half decent human every day, doing work (yes, I do do work from home), blogging, keeping my hubby in meals and ironed shirts (I hate ironing, its the most tedious thing in world) and generally trying to keep us organised as a family.

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Being a stay at home Mum doesn’t mean we are allowing ourselves to become intellectually inept; I can assure you our brains are still functioning. We aren’t all the stereo typical types you envisage, making chocolate krispie cakes (I will never do this – two boxes for £3 at Tesco, winning) or flicking through the Joules catalogue (I have an irrational hatred for Joules). I personally find I don’t stop; I don’t stop cleaning, I don’t stop looking after my son and I don’t stop thinking. My brain is constantly GO GO GO! So I can assure you that this Stay at Home Mummy is not some brain dead middle class snob sat at home drinking Earl Grey clad in skinny jeans from Gap (New Look for me) and picking schools for my son 4 years too early.  I am someone who is working hard at being a good Mum, a good wife, a good writer, a good friend, a good person.

So I’ve decided to no longer feel embarrassed when my friends discuss returning to work. I am happy and proud to be a Stay at Home Mum and it certainly doesn’t make me any less of a Mum!

Stay at Home Mum, Working Mum, All Mums – you’re amazing! Don’t forget it. Be the Mum you want to be.

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60 Comments

  1. June 15, 2016 / 8:12 pm

    Brilliantly put Fi, I’m glad I didn’t catch that article has that would’ve wound me up so much! I have to say that I sometimes try not to talk about not going back to work with my NCT friends, as I know most of them ‘have’ to go back and don’t necessarily feel ready. But you’re right, we should be proud of our choices and for being badass stay at home mums! Lovely post xx

    • June 16, 2016 / 7:57 am

      Thank you so much honey! Absolutely chick – don’t feel shame about it be proud xx

    • June 22, 2016 / 8:13 pm

      Just popping by again from #thebabyformula to say this is still brilliant and I love your new header! Feel like we have tweeted in ages, but you must be super busy lovely 😉 xx

  2. June 15, 2016 / 8:31 pm

    Yes. Just…fucking yes! I was a SAHM for a few years (my daughters are now 12 and 16) and it is hard! I now work full time in an office based writing role and I can honestly say that being a SAHM took a lot more effort and time (and maybe took away my sanity on occasion…) Hats off to you wonderful Mums and Dads – you deserve a lot more credit than people realise ❤ Lisa x

    • June 16, 2016 / 7:56 am

      So glad you enjoyed this and thank you for your lovely comment xx

  3. June 16, 2016 / 10:01 am

    haha! You tell her! I hate shitty comments like that.. from boring people who just generalise the whole world! yep, we’re all the same us mums apparently! oh please! lol – very passionate post! Love it! #coolmumsclub

  4. June 16, 2016 / 11:03 am

    Hear Hear! Well put. I have done the whole kit and caboodle, married working mum with au pair, single working mum with nursery care and stay at home mum to two and now part time working mum with teenagers and the SAHM job was tough, demanding, thankless but so rewarding. Time with your children is precious. Those people who spout these comments are talking from a position of complete ignorance. #coolmumclub

  5. June 16, 2016 / 1:39 pm

    I have been a full time SAHM mum, and a full time working mum and now a part time of both and I have to say being a full time SAHM is HANDS DOWN the hardest one out of them all. Not that it’s a competition but seriously, it’s effing hard! Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub maverick lovely x

    • June 16, 2016 / 3:23 pm

      It is! But at the time I have the upmost respect for working Mums! We’re all kicking arse 🙂 xx maverick signing off #coolmumclub

  6. June 16, 2016 / 2:30 pm

    I have been a SAHM for the last 5 years. I LOVE it, and it is exactly what I want to do with my life right now, but it is hard work.

    It infuriates me when people make comments about how I’m financially dependent on my husband because, like you said, we’re a team. If I was out at work, we’d be having to pay someone to look after the kids. By doing it myself, we are saving money and so that is my way of contributing financially to the family.

    Keep doing what you’re doing. Everyone has to do what is right for them, and for their family, and for their season of life. #coolmumclub

  7. June 16, 2016 / 7:06 pm

    As a stay-and-work-at-home mum who happens to write for Mail Online I’m not sure I should comment!! I wish I could be a stay at home mum though… #coolmumclub

  8. June 16, 2016 / 11:49 pm

    Lovely post… I’m a SAHM and its bloody tough. Not to say its not tough for working mums (guess they have their set of challenges) … in short, being a mum is HARD WORK!!!
    Hate the generalisations and agree with you that SAHMums need more recognition and respect.
    #coolmumclub

  9. June 18, 2016 / 7:51 am

    Brilliant! Just brilliantly brilliantly put. Currently I’m a working mum, but I plan on giving up work when baby no 2 comes along. I’m dreading it, and excited by it. I so badly want to be there for my kids even tho I know it’ll be tough mentally and financially. I’m reading so much lately about proud and strong sahm who are giving me the confidence that I’m planning for the right choice #justanotherlinky

    • June 18, 2016 / 8:42 am

      Good for you hun! I am sure you will get on well with your choice. It is hard work but it’s hugely rewarding xx #justanotherlinky

  10. June 18, 2016 / 8:12 am

    Being a stay at home mum is so hard, you never stop, I work during the evenings when the kids are in bed and I love it, it’s my rest time from a busy day, and I work in a busy office that’s far from easy, but it’s a damn sight easier than being a SAHM during the day. Last year I had a preemie baby and spent many weeks in hospital so my hubby was practically a SAHD for a while, he vowed never to say ‘but you have it easy again’, he found it hard work and apologised if he ever took me for granted, he doesn’t know how I do it and would not want to be a stay at home dad, it’s just too hard. #justanotherlinkie

    • June 18, 2016 / 8:41 am

      My goodness that must have been such a tough time. I hope everything is a bit easier now x #justanotherlinky

  11. alisonlonghurst
    June 18, 2016 / 9:28 am

    An interesting read for me, because this happened to me 11 years ago (showing my age!) I was a SAHM and I read an article about SAHM versus Working Mums and it was basically taking a similar view to the woman you quoted. It prompted me to write a long response, just to get it off my chest, as back then blogging didn’t really exist like it does now. Recently I found the response I had scribbled. Like you, I extolled the virtues of ALL mums, working and SAH and made all the same points as you. NEVER be embarrassed and NEVER pit yourself against working mums – we are all in this parenting lark together, doing it our way. I did like your comment about breast feeding: …sort yourself out love! That made me smile. Alison x #justanotherlinky

    • June 19, 2016 / 7:56 pm

      Really glad you enjoyed this post lovely xx #justanotherlinky

  12. Mud Cakes and Wine
    June 18, 2016 / 10:56 pm

    Really great read, being a sahm to three boys I never stop and find it hard reading comments suggesting all I do is drink tea. Wish I had time for a cuppa between school and pre school runs #justanotherlinky

  13. June 19, 2016 / 7:37 am

    I still can’t get over that quote from the MailOnline. How something like that was allowed to be published in this day and is beyond me and really upsetting #KCACOLS

  14. June 19, 2016 / 9:26 am

    I saw this article shared on Twitter and made the [clearly wise] decision to completely ignore it. I haven’t even read it. But do you know who is narrow-minded? Pretty much anyone who reads The Daily Fail. I’m not a SAHM, but that had more to do with the fact that I don’t want to be and feel happier in myself earning a bit of my own money. Does it mean that I judge SAHMs? Nope. In fact, I have an enormous amount of respect for any mother who can spend all day, every day at home with her kids and not lose her shit by the end of the third day. So I take my hat off to you! I couldn’t do it! #KCACOLS

  15. June 19, 2016 / 10:04 am

    I read the Mail every day and sure I must read it just to criticise their poor journalism, atrocious spelling and inaccuracies. I personally love the comments more than the articles! Anyway, back to being a SAHM…as much as I love being a Mum I think i’d go insane and would rather work so I get some adult time too!! #kcacols

    • June 19, 2016 / 7:54 pm

      Me too hun! I can totally understand that. I am glad I do some work at home which keeps my brain ticking over and I see friends every day which helps 🙂 xxx #KCACOLS

  16. June 19, 2016 / 11:24 am

    That comment is HORRIBLE. Being a stay-at-home is definitely not easy – it’s a 24-hour job (with the occasional nap break). I did it for 12 months and am returning to work tomorrow, which I have mixed feelings about. I’m sure it will be nice to occupy my brain with things other than nappy changes and nursery rhymes, but it will be hard not to be there for her every day. I’ll miss it, even though it’s been hard. #KCACOLS

    • June 19, 2016 / 7:53 pm

      I know it’s horrible! I am wishing you lots of luck for work tomorrow let us know how you get on xx #KCACOLS

  17. June 19, 2016 / 3:04 pm

    I love this post, so so much! My daughters at school and I’m at home without her, I work on various projects, most of the time without the TV on, sadly I can’t get on with JK and Loose Women haha I have time to work on my blog, my home business, go to aqua fit and be there for my daughter after school. Whilst my partner works in his job, I work at home, keep the house and keep my child alive. As for having a narrow minded view of the world, I’d love to know what this entails? I also used formula for my child! My gosh I am the WORST “stay at home” parent there ever was…what a knob. thank you for writing this xxx #kcacols

    • June 19, 2016 / 7:53 pm

      Ha ha I agree I can’t cope with JK but I do love a bit of Loose Women ha ha. I am so glad you enjoyed this chick xx #KCACOLS

  18. June 20, 2016 / 11:27 pm

    I think people just love to leave a controversial comment for the sake of it in the mail!

    I’m a working mum but was a SAHM whilst I was on mat leave and being a home is not easy. It’s non-stop!

    Everyone makes their choices for different reasons but working or SAHM we all do the best for our children and we rock!!

    Thank you for linking up to #KCACOLS and I hope to see you back again next week

  19. June 21, 2016 / 10:22 am

    Brilliantly written and well done for being so honest! I am a stay at home mum, and I find myself having to justify myself. Yes I know I’m lucky to be home with them but it’s bloody hard work and I wish people would stop thinking we sit around all day drinking tea. Thanks for linking up to #JustAnotherLinky xx

    • June 22, 2016 / 7:44 am

      Thank you lovely so glad you enjoyed this xx #justanotherlinky

  20. June 21, 2016 / 8:16 pm

    Ha ha brilliant – couldn’t have put it better myself! Love the new header btw!

    xx

  21. June 22, 2016 / 1:24 pm

    So well put! I was a stay at home mum for about 3 years before I had to go back to work and sometimes I do think going back to work was easier! In my opinion, I don’t know what tv expert they are talking about and how all of sudden you have no brain compared to before, but all I know is that while I was at home I was moulding and shaping my child’s firsts and my child’s first experiences. Huge. Nothing more need to be said. No corporate gig or job is going to top that. Mums are amazing, as are dads, but the family unit is very precious. Love your work. 🙂

  22. June 22, 2016 / 5:58 pm

    Love, love, love this post! I’m a stay at home mum too (also working from home – not easy with small children!) and it is not the easy job that it gets perceived as. That comment is awful and not reflective of stay at home mums at all – I hardly ever watch TV or go to coffee shops so I don’t fit that stereotype at all but even if I did, why does that give someone else the right to judge? We are all trying to do the best we can as mums, whether that involves staying at home or going to work. #bloggerclubuk

    • June 24, 2016 / 6:13 am

      Thank you lovely – you’re absolutely right, we are all doing our best and I think we rock as Mums xx #bloggerclubuk

  23. June 22, 2016 / 7:52 pm

    Great post. I’ve been a stay at home mum for 5 years and it is definitely not easy! x #BloggerClubUK

  24. June 22, 2016 / 9:21 pm

    So much this! I fall somewhere between the gaps of working mum and stay at home mum as I work two days a week from home, but I’ve definitely felt the disdain for stay at home mums. It’s a flipping hard job – you hit the nail on the head when you mentioned the constant interruptions! I used to compare it to being a PA with the most dictator like boss ever, but it’s that inability to ever finish a task without something happening to interrupt that is the hardest. The only point I disagree with you on is Joules – they do some lovely prints for their tops!! #KCACOLS

    • June 24, 2016 / 6:12 am

      People do love a bit of Joules – maybe I need to embrace it more (poor Hubs – any excuse for me to shop)! It is a hard job and I love your comparison – very apt! xx #KCACOLS

  25. June 23, 2016 / 3:02 pm

    ah I hate this debate – just something else for parents to feel sh*t about isn’t it. and it’s always this or breastfeeding that the daily mail like to harp on about! You have to do what is best for you and your family and stuff anyone else and their opinions. I work a four day week and that suits me and works well for us, but I have some friends who stay at home, and that suits them. I personally think I get the easier deal ;0) I love getting to work and getting a bit of peace and quiet haha! #KCACOLS

    • June 24, 2016 / 6:11 am

      I know – people do tend to create a lot of divides for us Mums which is so uncalled for. Ha ha yes and I bet you get a warm cuppa 😉 Thanks for commenting honey xx #KCACOLS

  26. June 23, 2016 / 6:03 pm

    I honestly don’t think you can comment until you have walked a day in someone elses shoes – I work 12 hours so see myself very much a stay at home Mum – I honestly think its the hardest job in the world there is no break ever – no lunch break, snack break even toilet break. However I do feel incredibly lucky that I have the opportunity to watch my girls grow, to be there to pick them up from school and play with them after school. I wouldn’t change a thing! #bloggerclubuk

  27. June 27, 2016 / 9:07 pm

    Omg she had a cheek … What happened to all us women supporting each other? I am a working mum although on mat leave at the moment, I will be going back to the juggling act as we need my income. Unfortunately I don’t have any good ideas to replace my salary … Yet! I have friends that openly say they go back to work for a rest! I think you have been very reserved in your post I probably would have resorted to physical violence. Thank you for joining us at #BloggerClubUK hope to see you again this week x

  28. June 28, 2016 / 10:14 pm

    Wow really? That is amazing that she would write that. That anyone would think of a human in that sense. I loved your post. I was a SAHM for 10 years and returned due to the fact I had to. I Can not wait to be a SAHM again. #KCACOLS

  29. July 9, 2016 / 8:14 pm

    Oh this is a subject very close to my heart. I feel the potential for a HUGE comment coming on so I’m going to try and be really brief instead and say I’m glad you’ve put your perspective out there. The commenter is incredibly narrow-minded and possibly has some own issues they are dealing with about their identity. Some people will look at people’s choices and life paths on paper and make judgements based on only the superficial. My skills base, my cognitive powers, my intelligence and creativity have all increased since I’ve become a mother (whether or not that’s because I’m a stay at home mother is, I believe, a moot point). However it makes me so so cross that the very real wonderfulness of providing care for another being is so often met with such derision. Have you heard of Mothers at Home Matter? They are quite good at bringing up points about finances, politics and judgements etc for carers. Some of the articles they get riled about though are not worth the paper they are written on – if I see they’ve linked to the daily mail I just don’t bother. Pleeeeassse get your celeb fix elsewhere…it can’t be good for anyone’s health to be subjected to the daily fail!! Although it does make for some pretty awesome blog posts so….?? xx

    • July 12, 2016 / 9:08 am

      Thank you so much for your comment hun! I have to admit I’ve stopped looking at it as much – it is a blimmin nightmare of a website, but you are right it gets you riled up to do some good blogs 🙂 xx

  30. July 14, 2016 / 3:00 pm

    Urgh some DM commenters are basically attention seeking trolls. I deleted the app over a year ago and my life is definitely not missing anything as a result! My youngest started school in September and I’m still a SAHM, because that’s what works for us as a family (certainly not because we have enough money for us not to worry about finances, we just have to live within our means). There will always be morons out there who feel better about themselves for having a go at someone else. Being a working mum is really hard, being a SAHM is really hard, being a parent is just bloody hard and I wish people would stop seeing it as a competition – idiots. Off to watch Jeremy Kyle with my moccacino (jokes – off to clean trainers for football practice!) x

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