This must be about my third post where I’ve started off by saying “I was reading this article on the stupid Mail Online”… I mean, why am I still reading it! Clearly it is just irritating, controversial and frankly has some shoddy journalism where people can’t spell and insist upon daily irrelevant Kim Kardashian articles. But I do… it’s shameful, but everyday I still look on it and read about who’s shagged who on CBB so I don’t have to watch it, and mock Kim K and the “Klan” (even though I used to watch their shows all the time)!
Anyway, I digress (standard). The article I am referring to this time was one last week all about Stay at Home Mums and how they are happier than those that go to work. Of course, cue the comments (come on, we all go straight to comments on these articles) and the predictable “nice gig if you can get it”comments. But the most shocking thing I read was from one woman and it was this:
A stay at home mother is a non-person – feeble minded, beholden to another financially and unable to hack the real world. Every single one i know has zero conversational skills, nothing of interest to impart and a very narrow view of the world. They are however, expert on daytime television, the best coffee shops and the comparative merits of breast over bottle feeding.
Allow me to be blunt. What a dick. Now there is every chance that this woman only wrote this comment for effect and doesn’t even mean what she’s said. But whether this is the case or not, there are people out there who do think this. Let me start by saying that I am writing this from MY perspective, MY experience as a stay at home Mum. So in response to this I can confirm that I am most certainly neither a non person or feeble minded; I think anyone who knows me personally, or anyone that reads this blog knows that I am strong character, feisty, positive. I pride myself on not letting negativity affect me as much as it used to. I just personally don’t like to let negativity dampen my life, or affect me as a person. I think if people want to be nasty or bitter, that it’s simply a reflection of their poor character, and not of mine. I am strong in my views and opinions, but I don’t inflict them on others, I just have a voice.
Yes I am “beholden” to another financially. He’s my husband. We’re a team. He happily supports me. HOWEVER I am also quietly working on things in the background to have my own bit of money. My husband will still have to support me, and I know he doesn’t begrudge this, and I don’t feel shame for this. Because being at home all day with a child is not the piss easy gig people think it is…. I’ll get to that in a minute.
Further more, I like to think I am very interesting, if I’m not then I’m sure you wouldn’t be reading this post, but you are so I must be doing something right (and can I just say I am VERY grateful you are taking the time to read my blog, I love my readers). Believe me I have conversational skills; you can tell that from my tone of writing, and my husband, family, and friends will all vouch for the fact I can certainly hold my own in all manner of conversations!
A narrow view of the world. No. If anything my eyes have been opened to various views, opinions, experiences and challenges even more since I became a Mother. Being a Mum is an eye opener in itself….. once you’ve brought a human into the world in a manner that lacks all dignity and could result in you shitting yourself in front of a room full of strangers, that’s an eye opener right there.
An expert in day time TV…. well I won’t lie, Loose Women has become a guilty pleasure that I have on whilst I scoff lunch and Josh has his lunchtime nap… God forbid I spend an hour every few days watching some light TV. The best coffee shops… well if you insist I’ll say Costa for their Mocha Lattes (please note the sarcasm here people)! Merits of breast over bottle….. sort yourself out love. All us Mums know what we’re doing; we’re doing what is right for us and our babies, regardless of whether we feed on boob or bottle.
I would love this person to experience a day of being a SAHM. I can’t lie, I thought it would be easy when I envisaged it whilst pregnant; I thought it would be relaxing, I’d be out and about all the time, occasionally doing some housework, getting to do some reading whilst the baby napped….. well I was fucking dreaming wasn’t I!
Stay at Home Mums deserve a medal!!!! They also deserve some recognition, respect and quite frankly an apology from prats like the one who made that comment. Because until you’ve been a stay at home mum, you don’t get it. You don’t know. Because heres the shocking part; it turns out being at home all day, looking after tiny humans, isn’t such an easy life after all. The main qualification you need for this job is that you must possess the patience of a saint. In your mind it will sound very simple and easy to keep a house hold running, get to the shops, cook some nice meals and soothe and entertain your demanding child. But it is not that easy…. You start to do one of the days tasks then said tiny human will shit himself all over the jumparoo (what an investment those things are – life changing). The phone will ring the second you start to do a feed, swiftly followed by the doorbell, at which point you’ll remember you need to take dinner out of the over before it is cremated. You never get to complete a task without an interruption, one that usually involves shit, wee or vomit. Your day will revolve around bodily fluids and the epic naptime battles.
Throw teething into the mix and you begin to consider day time drinking.
Speaking of which, it is true. You will never get to finish a hot cup of tea. In fact, if you even start a hot cup of tea that’s an accomplishment in itself.
On the flip side there are huge benefits to being a Stay at Home Mum, not just in the sense that you do get to be with your baby every day and watch them grow, but in the sense that you don’t have to have fake small talk with someone who you secretly think is a complete tosser, you don’t have the judgemental looks from your colleagues when you forgo salad for a burger and chips in the canteen, and you don’t have to go through style wars every day with “her from HR”!!!
I will proudly say it, I love being at home with Josh, I love being a stay at home Mum. And I won’t be shamed for that. It should be something I can say proudly, not mutter in a meek voice cause I’m a bit embarrassed when everyone else is discussing going back to work and enjoying being someone other than Mummy. We celebrate working Mums all the time, and rightly so. I take my hat off to them and quite frankly I don’t have a bloody clue how they do it. One of my best friends is a working Mum, and she manages to do a very high pressured job, come home and be a dedicated mother to her daughter, and is constantly winning at office fashion. I have a huge amount of respect for her.
And in turn, I know she respects me. She knows I’m not at home drinking tea and eating biscuits all day long (I save that for when she comes over and can join in with me!!). She knows I’m up early, feeding, changing, doing laundry, cleaning, cooking, preparing food for Josh, trying to keep him entertained, making sure I am dressed and looking like a half decent human every day, doing work (yes, I do do work from home), blogging, keeping my hubby in meals and ironed shirts (I hate ironing, its the most tedious thing in world) and generally trying to keep us organised as a family.
Being a stay at home Mum doesn’t mean we are allowing ourselves to become intellectually inept; I can assure you our brains are still functioning. We aren’t all the stereo typical types you envisage, making chocolate krispie cakes (I will never do this – two boxes for £3 at Tesco, winning) or flicking through the Joules catalogue (I have an irrational hatred for Joules). I personally find I don’t stop; I don’t stop cleaning, I don’t stop looking after my son and I don’t stop thinking. My brain is constantly GO GO GO! So I can assure you that this Stay at Home Mummy is not some brain dead middle class snob sat at home drinking Earl Grey clad in skinny jeans from Gap (New Look for me) and picking schools for my son 4 years too early. I am someone who is working hard at being a good Mum, a good wife, a good writer, a good friend, a good person.
So I’ve decided to no longer feel embarrassed when my friends discuss returning to work. I am happy and proud to be a Stay at Home Mum and it certainly doesn’t make me any less of a Mum!
Stay at Home Mum, Working Mum, All Mums – you’re amazing! Don’t forget it. Be the Mum you want to be.