I hope you’ve all had a lovely weekend, despite the random thunderstorms and horrible mugginess; not helpful when you’re trying to get a little baby to sleep.
So this weekend is a big one for me… after much putting it off and many excuses, I’ve taken the plunge and decided tonight is the night….. Josh is going in his own room!
I know, I know, I can practically hear some of you rolling your eyes at A) how long I’ve taken to do this and B) why it’s such a big deal to me. To be fair I didn’t expect to be so bothered by it. I remember saying to Sam when I was pregnant that I’d want Josh in his own room as quickly as possible. But as with so many things, my opinion on this changed once he arrived. Every night since he was born he has slept next to my bed either in his moses basket or his cot so it’s going to feel very bizarre not to have him next to me tonight.
But I do think it’s important that we finally make the move. One of the reasons I have never co-slept and had Josh in the bed with us is because I’ve felt so strongly about the fact that the bed is mine and Sam’s marital bed, it’s our private and intimate space. But making this move has made me realise that that must go for our bedroom as a whole! I can feel myself being quite attached to Josh in the respect of him sleeping next to us and with him now getting to the age where babies know what they are doing and are a bit clingy when they want to be, it’s the right move for us both. And I’ve no doubt it could do wonders for us in that we can now get back to having sex in our bed rather than having to come up with ingenious places around the house to do it!!
I think I’ve been quite surprised at how I’ve felt about the move to Josh’s nursery. I think in some respects I’ve come across as a borderline tough Mum; I don’t rush to Josh with every little whinge, I only tend to him if there are actual tears, otherwise I just let him whinge away until he bores the both of us! I have always allowed self soothing and I have no qualms with leaving Josh with other people like Granny, Aunties and Uncles. But this is the first time I’ve felt quite attached in a parenting respect.
I thought to make this blog post a bit more interesting I am going to finish it tomorrow; when we’ve done that first night, so I can write about how I felt through the night and how Josh settled (please please let him settle!). It will be interesting to see if the move helps Josh sleep a bit longer at night as he still wakes for a night feed and recently he’s been doing a very annoying whinge at around 5am which wakes us both up. I wonder if this will be a case of “why didn’t I do this sooner”. So I am going to add to this in the morning and we’ll see how we get on. Fingers Crossed!!!
So we did it – we survived the night. And very well too which I am delighted to say.
Josh went to bed at his usual time of 6pm. He was quite restless at first and did his usual moving around which resulted in him being sideways in his cot but I just left him to settle himself which he did quite nicely. Then he woke up at 10 for a feed, and rather than being his usual sleepy self as he usually is for a dream feed he was wide awake!!! Instantly I thought “oh here we go” and had visions of him being awake for hours but thankfully he fell asleep after a feed and I got to sleep too. He next woke at 3am for a night feed and again was back to sleep within half hour. This time it was me that took ages to get back to sleep but eventually I dozed off and we slept through to 7am.
I know that probably all sounds a bit mundane but for me I felt really proud. As you can tell from what I wrote yesterday, I was borderline dreading the big move. So the fact it’s gone well and we got through with just one feed, I feel really proud of myself and of Josh. It’s felt like a proper winning mummy moment!
The bottom line is us Mums are achieving something every day, no matter how big or small. No amount of books you read or stories you hear from other people can possibly prepare you for life as parents – but the MANY ups and down you face on this crazy rollercoaster are what really teach you. You learn things to suit you. You soon figure out what works best for you. These milestones can seem like such a big deal, and in all honesty they probably are a far bigger deal to us Mums than to the babies. But when you reach them, and achieve them it gives you a great boost and as time goes on your confidence as a Mum grows.
And the best part of this whole process, when I went in to Josh to feed him at 3am and to get him up this morning I was greeted with the biggest smile; he was so happy to see his Mum. And I felt that familiar rush of love that seems to just get bigger every day. That’s what I’ve learnt being a mummy is all about; facing the good times and the bad,and taking on one parenting challenge at a time all whilst having this never ending, unexplainable, ridiculously-gigantic-size amount of love for your child.