It is so nice to be blogging! Although I have to admit I am doing it whilst my little one is asleep and therefore typing at the speed of light before he wakes up again, bless him!! I am also writing this on the first day that we are on our own; Team Mummy and Son! My husband went back to work today which I had been slightly dreading but so far, we are doing well. We’ve had lots of cuddles, lots of feeds and a couple of poo explosions!! So far, so normal. I even managed to get some lunch in which was much needed. One thing us new mums need to make sure we do is take care of ourselves.
So, my last post was all about the birth. Josh is now two weeks old and I can’t believe how quickly our lives have changed. When I first got home I felt dreadful. The C Section, and the long labour really took its toll on me, even more than I had anticipated. In fact I have to have a debrief with my consultant to go through what happened and why so I can try and get past it; this is something that was recommended to me and I’ve said yes to because the whole thing did affect me a fair bit. I felt so faint and queasy the first couple of days; I’ve always been squeamish and you’d think after all I went through in hospital it might have helped my phobias but by the time I got home I felt like it was even worse! It’s not helped that after such an epic labour I’ve been prescribed SIX WEEKS (Argh) worth of injections that I have to have as a preventative measure following surgery. I was having near on panic attacks every night when my husband started doing them, but as time goes on I am getting better. I noticed things like having those injections, taking the painkillers I was also prescribed, and feeling my wound pull, all just took me back to how scared and vulnerable I felt during birth. So I really found the first few days hard as I had to get over myself, and these fears and focus entirely on Josh. It worked though! He’s my world and worth every bit of unpleasantness I’ve encountered on the journey to getting him here .
We’ve had a very quick two weeks; we’ve had lots of lovely visitors (although well spaced out – I can’t recommend enough spacing out visitors cause then you’re still super excited to see everyone but you aren’t completely overwhelmed) and Josh has been thoroughly spoilt with presents, cuddles and lots of love.
It has been a hell of a life change though. I have to admit, I had felt quite prepared before birth. I had everything we’d need, all ready for use, I was just excited. But I have to be honest, I have found the first couple of weeks very overwhelming. I have had a couple of blue days, which I think is completely normal for someone who’s just given birth. If I am being completely honest, I think I have lost my confidence a bit. And it’s a bit stupid that I have because I know I should be really proud of myself. On Day 5 Josh was weighed and he’d only lost 3oz since birth! This is a miracle cause the first week of breastfeeding was torture. Josh had tongue tie but I was still determined to breastfeed and I managed to get him latched on (although it was agony). When my midwife saw what I’d accomplished and that he’d barely lost weight she was said what I had done was amazing and how proud of myself I should be. Her kind words of course just set off the tears again, but this time it was from relief knowing I was doing the right things. We were extremely lucky that just one week after Josh was born, we got his tongue snipped and since then breastfeeding has got a bit easier (still bloody sore at times though as I seem to have gallons of milk and wake up feeling like Jordan after her 5th boob job!). Plus Josh was weighed again and is now well over his birth weight, and as of today is 9lbs 3oz (if I’ve read the conversion chart correctly)!
Having gone through that challenge for the last two weeks, I know, even as I write this and read it back, I should be giving myself more credit and patting myself on the back. I guess that’s never a particularly easy thing to do though for any new mum. I am a terrible terrible worry wart, something I had overcome quite well in the past year as in 2014 I suffered dreadfully with anxiety and panic attacks. Fortunately I had all of this under control during my pregnancy, so to suddenly feel anxious again has probably brought back those feelings which won’t have helped my need to increase my confidence. Luckily over the last few days I’ve managed to adopt a bit of mind over matter and I keep reminding myself I’m doing well, I’ve got a healthy, content and happy child, and that I can be the mother I want to be! And so here we are, two weeks in and we are quite happily relaxing together, getting to know each other and adapting. And I am so happy just looking at his little face as he snoozes -he looks so cute.
I had attended NCT classes during pregnancy, of which I’ve sung the praises of and still do. But I have to admit, our last session was entirely focused on breastfeeding, and it painted a very pretty picture. I guess it’s good that they do that in a way cause you go into it feeling more confident But I can safely say breast feeding has been one of the hardest things to get on board with; it is not as easy as it was made out to be and I know several of my NCT friends feel the same about that. But I can say persevering and sticking at it has been so rewarding; I love that I’ve been able to feed Josh and although it’s been hard and frustrating at times and I’ve felt like just expressing and giving him a bottle, I’ve stuck at it and obviously not done too badly as I’ve got a little bruiser of a baby bless him.
I think these first two weeks is the biggest eye opener in the world, especially with your first child. It is stepping into the unknown, it’s being sent home from hospital after delivering a child, possibly via major surgery, with a box of paracetamol and a baby! Looking at it like that, it is absolutely mental! But we do it. Cause there is something stronger than any anxiety, worry, concern and that is mothers instinct! Somehow you really do just know; you do know how to care for and look after this little person, no matter how much you think you can’t! You can. And that’s something I have to keep reminding myself; I am a good mum, I am a natural and yes I may be hormonal and cry my eyes out at the H Samuel Christmas advert (I’m not kidding) but I am doing a great job. My baby is the picture of chubby health, my husband is the proudest man in the world and I’m being told constantly how well I’ve done.
Having Josh has totally changed my perspective on life and it was an almost immediate effect! Things I worried about before the birth don’t even factor on my radar now. It’s been a hectic two weeks and the biggest learning curve imaginable and I have no doubt I will continue to learn more and more as time goes on. I know there will be hard and testing times ahead. But I am feeling more confident and more settled, and I’m slowly but surely manning up with those injections every night. Because everything I face now will be for my son – my whole world. So no matter how overwhelmed you feel as a new Mum, you are doing great. Have faith in yourself and don’t disregard the compliments you’re being given; take them on board and embrace them.
My little one has now woken up and I am going to go and give him the biggest cuddle – it is amazing how much your little baby fascinates you. The love you have for them, that really is the most overwhelming part – and the absolute BEST feeling ever!