It’s a chilly Saturday and I am tucked up in my blanket and hoody with a stinking cold! Husband has taken pity on me and taken Josh out to feed the ducks so I’ve got some peace and quiet. I’ve not done one of our little weekly catch up posts for a while so thought I’d do one today.
It’s been a fairly quiet week really but it’s felt recently like there’s a lot of change going on with my little boy! We’ve had a couple of recent milestones which make me suddenly realise quickly Josh is growing up!
The first thing we’ve gone through is that I’ve stopped breastfeeding. I decided to stop whilst Sam was on holiday earlier this month. In hindsight this could have been a disaster because I was by myself but we were very fortunate. I’d spent the previous couple of weeks before getting down to just one feed per 24 hours. So one Sunday night I decided that evenings feed before bed was going to be the last. I’ve always kept it very quiet and dark when feeding him before bed but knowing this was going to be my last feed it felt even more special and relaxed. Ironically when I went to feed him he wasn’t even interested; he just wanted to munch on his woo (muslin – I’ve no idea why we call them woos but we do) but he did take the boob in the end for all of 4 or 5 minutes and that was it. It made me realise it was definitely the right time to stop. I was very lucky that Josh didn’t spend the few days afterwards rooting around for boob much. There were a few whingey moments but other than that he wasn’t phased at all. And I felt so proud of myself that I fed him for 13 months and that six months of that was exclusive breastfeeding before I started feeding him solids. I would definitely say that that is one of the things I am most proud of in my life. I know how lucky I am to have been able to breastfeed successfully for that long as it isn’t like that for everyone.
Since stopping feeding, apart from the first couple of nights, Josh has slept through! And apart from the fact I am suffering with a rotten cold, having that solid sleep has made me feel human again! I do miss it though. It came to a natural end, Josh let me know he didn’t really need it anymore. But I do miss that connection to him; it’s the one thing that was just mine and his connection. And I have to admit, I saw several Mums breastfeeding at Center Parcs this past weekend and I was a bit envious! How ironic – I remember the first few days after Josh was born when I hadn’t got to grips with breastfeeding and resented it, now I was aching to be able to feed! It was our special time; he’d stare up at me and play with my hair or my necklace, completely dependant upon me. I’m glad that I was given so much support at the beginning of breastfeeding because that combined with me being a determined little madam meant we got through that horribly difficult, testing and frankly bloody painful couple of weeks and once we got through that we found our way together!
To me breastfeeding became so much more than food. Obviously in the early days it was all about the food and making sure Josh was getting everything he needed but as time went on it was our bond, a comfort for him. That was one of the biggest benefits I’ve got to admit; if Josh was having a meltdown or if he was poorly feeding him brought immediate calm and comfort. Thank God because this saved me from many embarrassing meltdowns Josh decided to make me endure in public. And I loved knowing the goodness Josh was getting from my milk. Plus it meant I got to eat cake guilt free every day, as well as vast amounts of pizza, cheese and chocolate.
It was a really special journey for us but I know we’ve ended it at the right time. It does feel like such a huge change though. And I expect that’s why my broodiness has kicked back in – seeing lots of tiny babies being fed and baby bumps recently really has got me thinking about baby number two…….. who knows what this year might hold and one thing I have learnt is that you can’t always plan everything.
The other big milestone we’ve got coming up on Monday is that Josh is starting nursery. This is one milestone I am a bit nervous about. As any of you regular readers will know the same week that Sam was away and Josh stopped feeding I also had a bit of a Mummy meltdown! I was trying to do too much at once and with the fact I am now working at home something had to give. I love Josh, more than life, but a couple of hours a week to work and to have some time to myself is something I really need. My friend recommended a lovely local nursery that Josh is going to go to every Monday morning. I am quite excited as it looks lovely, my friends little one loves it and I think the social interaction will be good for Josh. He’s getting to an age now where I want him to learn to share and play with other children. Josh is a fairly relaxed kid and not much seems to phase him so I don’t think (!) he’ll be too bothered by me leaving him for a morning – it’s more likely to be me who’ll find it difficult. And I am trying to have faith as well because at the end of the day I am going to be leaving my little one, the most precious thing in my world, alone for a few hours with some people he doesn’t really know yet.
There is an element of guilt as well. I feel bad when I say that even as a stay at home Mum I’m going to be putting Josh into nursery. It might come off as self indulgent and that’s not what I want. I think anyone who’s a Mum working at home can sympathise with the difficulty of trying to do it all; working, occupying the little ones, keeping the house looking like it hasn’t had a tornado rip through it. I want to be earning a bit of money and I have to say I’m really enjoying my PA work; it’s a couple of hours that aren’t baby related. I can be my organised geeky self and it’s a welcome escape. So I’m looking forward to being able to do this without a 13 month old crawling all over me, nearly cancelling flights I’ve booked for one of my bosses to Dubai!
I don’t know how I’ll feel on Monday when I drop him off; apprehensive, a bit nervous, a bit sad, excited at the thought of four hours of being able to get some work done without feeling hugely guilty, excited at the thought of going to pick him up a few hours later. I really hope he enjoys it and I think I will Instagram Story on Monday to let you all know how I’m getting on and how he copes.
So it’s been quite a time for big milestones. But we’ve also had a lovely week together. My lovely friend Emily over at My Petit Canard does a weekly post rounding up everything she’s felt grateful for this week. I love these posts and thought I’d do my own little list for this week
- Josh’s walking is going from strength to strength – he toddles around everywhere now and although most of the time he looks like a little drunk old man his confidence is really growing. I love seeing him with his little shoes on he looks so grown up.
- We had an amazing break at Center Parcs and for the first time in a few years I completely relaxed and enjoyed it. It’s such a great place for a break for families I can’t recommend it enough.
- Spring flowers – I’ve already been on a daffodil buying spree.
- Seeing my best friend for the first time in a couple of weeks – we’re thick as thieves, as are our boys so it was lovely to see her!
- A girly night in on Friday. It’s always good to have a good catch up over a glass of bubbles. Even if I shocked them when I asked who was on their “lists of five” and was met with horror! None of them had one or had heard of this – I thought it was just a given we all have lists of five! Oh the shame!!!
- Mini cream eggs. Obsessed.
- Catching up on some decent TV – Emmerdale has been epic this week and I’ve really enjoyed Tina & Bobby, Silent Witness and Taboo (Ohhhh I wonder why, hello Tom Hardy).
- Realising what amazing blogging friends I have and how we encourage each other to go from strength to strength.
So that’s our week in a nutshell. Lots of changes, but exciting ones, looking at the future. It’s quite exciting not knowing what the future holds. I’ve got a lot of things going through my head about my blog too and if or how I can take it to the next level.
Plus I’ve got lots of organising to do – I’ve decided our house is a disorganised mess and I’m sick of never being able to find what I want when I need it so that’s next on my list.
Have a great weekend – I’ll get back to my boxset (Happy Valley – amazing) and tea now. Hoping tonight that prosecco will be medicinal.
Lots of Love
PS. I always appreciate comments and your thoughts on what I’ve been writing. If you’ve any ideas or suggestions on what you’d like me to write about in my typical Fi like honest way then just give me a shout.