Another year has flown by. Tomorrow my little baby turns two. Perhaps now is the time to stop calling him “the baby” because lets face it (as I weep) he’s not a baby any more. He’s a toddler; a tantrum throwing, fussy eating, energetic little toddler.
Last year I wrote a letter to Josh and I wanted to do the same this year.
Wow we made it through another year kiddo. A year where you have really come in to your own; walking, or more like running, around the place, causing chaos and generally knackering me and your Dad out. But yet every day you continue to amaze me. You teach me every day how to be a Mum.
Don’t get me wrong. You are no angel. You take great delight in repeatedly hiding our house phone, you have a commitment to stick to a mainly beige diet and when it comes to the point when we have to return home from a visit to the park it’s fair to say I fear the neighbours are concerned you’re being tortured or something; you have a tendency to make rather a big deal of mean Mummy making you leave the precious swings even after an hour! You are at an age now where you are, shall we say, stamping your authority on the household; you are making yourself known and I have to admit I can recognised where some of your strong willedness comes from……! You’re your mothers son!
Having said that you are SUCH a Daddy’s boy. I can kind of understand it; you’re stuck with boring old Mama every day and although we have so much fun (and let tell you now, I spoil you rotten even though I shouldn’t), there is nothing quite like seeing your face when your Daddy gets home from work. You two are thick as thieves and can usually be found eating chocolate (Daddy is a soft touch) and watching Star Wars (I know it’s boring but just humour him).
Your favourite place to be these days is the farm. Me and your Dad love how much you enjoy going back there; you get to go out on the tractor (a word that for some reason leaves you in fits of laughter), you get to see Puppy and you have unlimited to space to run around and burn off some energy. In fact we are taking you back there for your birthday this year to see all your friends and no doubt eat a lot of cake (that Mummy will have baked – yes you have changed me, I now bake)!
I love your little personality; you do things on absolutely your terms. You decide when you’re going to talk, when you want to read and when you want Mummy to play – you soon let me know it. I have no doubt you get your stubbornness and determined attitude from me. But I am hoping you also adopt your Dad’s laid back attitude as you get older and I already know you have his sense of fun and adventure; you are fearless which can terrify Mummy at times.
You aren’t too aware right now but you are getting a very special present in a couple of months. As Mummy writes this she is growing you a brother or sister who will arrive in about 9 weeks time. I don’t know how you are going to feel about this initially; it’s always been just us three and during the day whilst Daddy is busy working hard, we are just a little team. A dynamic duo. Now we are both going to have to adapt to us being a team member up and I know it might be hard for you; you’re so used to having Mummy and Daddy to yourself and it’s going to be a big change for you. But let me promise you this; you are going to love having a baby brother or sister to boss about and be best friends with. And no matter what changes or how different things seem, you are my baby. You are beyond loved and always will be; that will never ever change no matter how life changes.
I am so proud of you. Sometimes (!) Mummy worries a lot. You’ll pick up on this as you get older. I want you to have the best life and to never miss out on anything and I do every thing I can to make sure you are the happiest little boy. And I am so glad you are so happy, so content, and that I can call you my son. I love you so much and I promise to make sure every day of your life is filled with happiness, laughter and love. I vow to make you smile every day even when we are having tough days when you won’t eat, or you have the mother of all meltdowns because I turned off the Twirlywoos. We are a team, an expanding team, and we are so lucky to have our little family. You have made me a better person; I am constantly learning about being a Mother and you’ve made me who I am today. I am so thankful for that.
Keep doing what you’re doing kid; don’t change. You don’t need to. To me, you are perfect as you are and you make mine and your Dad’s life so happy. The world is your oyster.
Happy Birthday Joshy Bear (you’ll hate me for that nickname when you’re older) I can’t wait to see your face when you have all your presents.
Love you to the moon and back
PS. If you could do me one favour, please stop legging it towards the ocean every time we go to the beach; trust Mummy when she says you don’t want to feel how cold the North Sea is in mid November!
And a little note to me
Well done Mama; another year of motherhood and you haven’t lost the plot. Of course there’s been times you’ve come close but that’s what chocolate is there for; it’s reassuring undertones! And lets face it this year you’ve been tested with even more challenges with being pregnant as well. It’s all fun and games having morning sickness whilst your son plays trains up and down your back as you throw up. It’s not been easy; the tiredness, the sickness, the juggling giving Josh as much attention as possible whilst secretly sobbing at how poorly you feel. But we’re on the home straight now; you’re close to being a Mama of two and just as you were with Josh, you are going to be fine. You’re going to be better than fine; you’re going to be an amazing Mum all over again.
You never give yourself enough credit for what you do achieve. You need to open your eyes sometimes and recognise just what you’re capable of, just what you manage to do on a day to day basis; raising Josh, preparing for a second child, keeping a household running and clean and tidy, cooking, doing work, running the blog and planning business ideas for the future. Sometimes it feels like there are so many plates spinning but you handle it. Yes sometimes you cry, you get frustrated, you indulge on cake, but you’re allowed. You’re human. You’re a Mum and it’s not always as easy as we think. One thing you must work on is stopping the comparisons to other Mums. You are a great Mum as you are. You don’t need to worry about not being Supermum. You don’t need to be Supermum. You don’t WANT to be Supermum; she’s too perfect. She’s a fabricated 4×4 driving, Joules dressed day dream. You hate Joules – it’s an irrational hatred for no apparent reason(you are determined to stick to New Look for as long as possible). And you’d never be able to park a 4×4. Y! You get cross, you swear (under your breath), you sometimes eat chocolate orange for breakfast. You let Josh eat in the lounge and now the carpet is so foul you had to go and buy a rug to cover the stains. You let Josh to watch TV; sorry but frankly, Hey Duggee has changed all our lives for the better and that happy little dog buys me 7 minutes to slap a bit of make up on of a morning!
Because that’s real life. That’s survival! And Josh worships the ground you walk on for it. Because he is loved such a ridiculously huge amount sometimes (cheese alert) you could actually burst!
So remind yourself of that next time you have a meltdown; yes the hormones are going insane at the moment and you’re so tired that on several occasions you’ve gone to appointments on the wrong day (I think it’s been about three times this month). Let the Mum guilt go. Yes he’s had enough fresh air today, no he’s not had the TV on too much, yes he’s had enough fruit and veg for today (ish). Being a Mum is challenging yet you continue to do a great job. Don’t forget that.