Urgh – Negativity…. No Thanks

After a testing time of late, last week I was feeling back to myself. I was feeling better, brighter and positive. So you can imagine my disappointment to come across a whole lot of negativity in the space of one day thanks to social media and the blogosphere.

I pride myself on being a positive person and not judging others. Yes as a blogger, I and my fellow blogging beauts, are putting ourselves out there to be judged. That is something you have to accept if you’re going to document if you are going to lay it all out there online…….. to an extent.

Here are just some of the comments I read directed at Mum and Parent bloggers last week:

“I’m sure if it was a Waynetta type person writing such shite rather than a prosecco swilling middle class alcoholic, people would be calling Social Services rather than applauding their “witticism”

“Posts from Mums about their kids are the most boring of them all and no you’re not a hero for blogging and making videos whilst balancing your “very busy lives” Give it up and spend quality time with your kids before it’s too late and you screw them up forever”

Now, before I continue, I must put a couple of …. warnings (!)

  1. This is my blog so what I am about to say, I CAN say. My space, my words.
  2. There is about to be a vast amount of swearing…. sorry in advance Mummy!

I fucking hate people who are mean, rude or nasty just for the hell of it. I think they are cockwombles, just out there to provoke a reaction as they hide behind their computer screens.  Mum and Dad bloggers are common place now; there’s thousands of us and given the fact we’re quite (!) popular, you know what you’re likely to be getting  when you take the time read our blogs. So if it’s not the sort of thing you like then it’s quite simple; Don’t fucking read them! And certainly don’t read them just so you’ve got some sort of ammunition to leave negative and unnecessary comments like that. I don’t get it; why do people have to be nasty. I’m naïve in some respects and this one of them cause my little prosecco swilling brain (!) just don’t get it.

My child is not and never will be screwed up because I write. I’m hoping my creative side will one day inspire him to embrace writing, reading and so on. He gets every ounce of my attention and any one who reads this or watches my IG stories will know I dote on my beautiful, if somewhat feral looking, baby!  I mean how dare I create a space where I hope other parents can read it and have a smile, a laugh or a moment of “thank fuck it’s not just me”!

However as the day wore on the negativity snowballed as I stupidly got involved with a Facebook thread that I really regret and is making me contemplate leaving every social media group I am a part of.

I am allowed an opinion as much as anyone, and I can’t lie, it’s a bit upsetting when you put down your thoughts and then you are made to feel a bit of a tit for that. Especially from “bigger” bloggers who I admire and inspire me.

It all started out when a blogger friend of mine left a link to another bloggers latest post about the term “Girl Boss”.  Now a lot of people don’t like to be labelled, which is completely fair enough. And what I’m about to write about is simply my point of view (remember the rules beauts; my blog, my words). I’ll start by saying I have no problem with the term Girl Boss. If anything, I really like it; it’s fun, light hearted, supportive of being female, and from my perspective I just see it as an empowering term that makes me feel a bit like “Yes – I got this shit together”! Always a good feeling right?  The debate that rumbled on was that we’d never say “boy boss” or “man boss” and so forth.

No we wouldn’t. Who fucking cares though! I don’t see how this can be turned into a debate about sexism! Why can’t we just refer to ourselves as what we please without being torn down. My response in this debate in which I stated I like the term Girl Boss was met with a response from a blogger who is far bigger than me and someone I truly respect but they stated that they felt it made them think of a 5 year old in smeared in lipstick and wearing her Mums heels! I must point out this was NOT  a personal attack on me but simply what my fellow blogger felt. And yes she’s allowed her opinion just as much as I am. But the sensitive side of me felt like a bit of a twat given this is the response my comment got, especially from someone of such a high blogging stature. Equality isn’t telling another woman what she should or shouldn’t refer to herself as – it’s surely just about being a strong woman and standing up for what you believe in, no matter how menial it is.

I feel like an idiot for being the only one on that thread saying I support the term. I absolute should not feel that way. Don’t we have enough to deal with, with the wanky little trolls I earlier referred to, without feeling torn down by those we’re meant to stand alongside. I considered removing my comments, for fear of fellow bloggers, particularly those I admire and respect, thinking I was a dickhead. But then I thought NO! Cause that wouldn’t make me the strong woman I am, one who has her own opinion on things.  Saying I have no issue with the label Girl Boss doesn’t make me inferior, I don’t feel trivialised, I don’t feel like I am damaging myself if I say I am one myself, and I most certainly am not diminished as a woman, a girl or a blogger by endorsing it.  If it is something that empowers me a bit then surely that’s a good thing.

And proudly so…..

I am quite naïve in some ways as I’ve already said. For someone with such an open heart, a cheeky sense of humour and, when needs must, a filthy mind, I am also very innocent on the flip side. I like that about myself cause I feel like it almost shields me against some of the negativity we face every day. There are certain things I just don’t look into much. And I don’t look at the use of the term Girl Boss and feel demoralised or insulted. Is it just me; am I too innocent for my own good, do I need to dig a little deeper with these things? I decide, No, I don’t need to. I’m 33 (a young 33 granted…. I still love One Direction, I love the colour pink, I will happily watch Harry Potter over and over). I’m also a seriously fucking strong, determined and hard working woman.  Just because I don’t delve into the feminism debate much doesn’t mean I am not a supporter of women.

What I am a supporter of is happiness, positivity, encouragement and kindness.

Does it make me any less of a woman…… NO!

Can we please stop the negativity now.

Fi.x

MumBoss

Girl Boss

OneDirectionBoss

SMILING BOSS 😉

And I’m afraid that simply isn’t going to change!

A smile that refuses to be changed by negativity

 

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27 Comments

  1. May 8, 2017 / 8:06 pm

    I love you Fi, and I love your honesty. I have no issue with the term GirlBoss, MumBoss, any kind of boss, who gives a shit! Say what you like, think what you like, write what you like, as long as its not offensive who cares? Some people clearly have nothing else to get wound up over!! Leave them to it, and keep being you!!! xxx
    five little doves recently posted…Week 11 Round-Up #PerfectAndProudMy Profile

    • beautybabyandme
      May 12, 2017 / 6:12 am

      I love you too and thank you for this comment xxx

  2. May 8, 2017 / 10:01 pm

    I’m with Laura. I also love the bit about equality not being about women telling each other how to refer to themselves (although I then thought ‘well I do have an issue with women calling other women sluts/whores because it does then feel like we’re setting feminism back and giving men a further excuse to use it’). Some of these groups get to be too much. I asked a simple question about the FB algorithm in a group and someone (who offered no help whatsoever) used it as an opportunity to keep asking why I wouldn’t do xyz (when the whole point of me bloody asking for help was because I DIDNT’ KNOW about xyz in the first place). I instantly sussed she was just being deliberately antagonistic. Pathetic. As I said to you in private, keep being you. You just can’t fight every battle.
    absolutely prabulous recently posted…Quotes Linky: Candid Cuddles 82My Profile

  3. May 9, 2017 / 7:36 am

    YES Fi!! I totally agree, what is with all the negativity? We are all entitled to our own opinions. I am glad you stuck by your guns and didn’t remove your comments, if you like the term girl boss then that’s up to you..you shouldn’t let others make you feel bad about it. As for those commentary by people who don’t like parent blogs, why are they even reading them if they think we’re all so bloody terrible?! Fab post hun xx #dreamteam
    Wendy recently posted…Please, can we stop arguing about how we feed our babies?My Profile

  4. May 9, 2017 / 10:12 am

    Great post. I love every word! Write what you want. There is a little button on the top of every person’s computer screen – it looks like this: x
    If they don’t like what they’re reading, or it’s boring, all they have to do is click the x and it’s gone. No need to be nasty or bring other’s down.
    #dreamteam

  5. May 9, 2017 / 11:35 am

    I’m with you – I don’t get all the negativity around what some bloggers choose to write about either. If you don’t like it, don’t read it. If you disagree with someone, it’s fine to say so in a respectful way, but I don’t understand the compulsion to hurl insults and people you’ve never met. I find some blogs boring – or I don’t like what they say – but I would never put them down because of it. To each their own. #DreamTeam
    The Squirmy Popple recently posted…Why I regret calling my daughter the ‘B’ wordMy Profile

  6. May 9, 2017 / 7:13 pm

    #candidcuddles #marvmondays I’m sorry, you lost me at cockwombles because i was pissing myself laughing…wondering what one would look like etc. hahahahahaha – of course i agree, my blog – my opinion is sacred. I also do something on social media to stay positive, it might help – i write what i want and then delete it if its not positive, this means i often giggle whilst typing, but it saves me the Facebook wrestles etc.
    fridgesays recently posted…My boobs are not small, they are low fat.My Profile

  7. May 10, 2017 / 7:01 am

    Who knew a term could be so controversial! I think you can slag anything off it you choose to and you are quite right to stick with your term proudly, I certainly don’t see an issue with it. #BloggerClubUK
    Fiona Cambouropoulos recently posted…Win a Pop N Jump from Summer Infant UKMy Profile

  8. May 10, 2017 / 9:21 am

    whoop whoop for positivity and pushing back against negativity. I like your posts and honesty is always the best policy. I’ve never been able to get on with bitchiness and all that crap (probably why I get on with the lads more than the ladies). I’d happily stick up for you… keep saying what you need and want to. #dreamteam

  9. May 10, 2017 / 2:52 pm

    Yep I’m with all of the above – I’m not bothered by any of these terms – in fact, I’m pretty sure I was hastagging ‘girl boss’ in my posts the other day. There’s so much more to worry about in life than getting your knickers in a twist over terminology! #dreamteam

  10. May 10, 2017 / 4:05 pm

    Oh beautifully put! I hate the negativity surrounding parenting bloggers – i must admit I wish I had your confidence as do at times feel I should stop! Not letting them win but more hate writing amongst such negativity which seems to be in abundance lately. I love what you say though – that this is your blog – rightly so! #BloggerClubUK

  11. May 11, 2017 / 11:02 am

    Yes to all of this! I have no idea why people have to be so negative and nasty. If you don’t like parent bloggers, don’t read their blogs. In some ways I think blogging has made me a better parent – it has given me an outlet to be me rather than just Mummy and it’s a wonderful way of recording all those little moments that I might have otherwise forgotten. I go out and do things with my children and love every minute of it. If I’m not a fan of someone else’s blog style, I don’t get nasty, I just don’t read it. There’s no need for negativity and it makes me cross to see how other people seem to enjoy tearing other people down to try and make themselves feel better. #coolmumclub

    • beautybabyandme
      May 12, 2017 / 6:11 am

      I couldn’t agree more honey – there is no need for negativity, xxx

  12. May 11, 2017 / 11:59 am

    SOOOOO much love for this post! Having been subject to much harassment from nasties in life I totally agree that you just have to accept that there are some people in life that just crave drama and negativity (without even realising it) and create it for themselves off the back of others achievements… its pointless and you have to feel sorry for them ultimately! Smile on lady!!! #coolmumclub
    Rebecca recently posted…How To Cope With Sleep Deprivation in ParenthoodMy Profile

    • beautybabyandme
      May 12, 2017 / 6:10 am

      You gorgeous girly thank you so much xx

  13. May 11, 2017 / 2:59 pm

    Those comments about parent bloggers are just ridiculous and down right nasty! And as for girl boss or whatever, like what you like, don’t apologise for it. I don’t see a problem with it either but each to their own. I certainly wouldn’t try to make someone fell stupid or shit about it especially not in front of fellow bloggers or colleagues. Chin up love! You’ve got a massive fan base – don’t let the buggers grind you down xx #BloggerClubUK
    Susie at This Is Me Now recently posted…#funseekingkids round-up week 6My Profile

    • beautybabyandme
      May 12, 2017 / 6:10 am

      Thank you so much honey this is such a lovely comment xx

  14. May 11, 2017 / 7:57 pm

    The thing that is so wonderful about you Fi is that you are no walk over. It takes a lot of guts to stand in a room of people (albeit virtually) and say you disagree with what they’re saying. I’ve done it a fair few times in my own walk of life and whilst it may not make me popular, it makes me feel strong and empowered. I think there seems to be far too much worrying about menial shit out there on the internet – I don’t know how I miss it all but quite frankly on my non facebook, non forum world, I kinda like it that way 😉 It just so happens to be the minority way, and MY WAY.
    xxxx
    Thanks for sharing with #coolmumclub
    MMT recently posted…#coolmumclub Linky week 65My Profile

    • beautybabyandme
      May 12, 2017 / 6:10 am

      Oh honey thank you so much – this comment means so much to me xxx

  15. May 12, 2017 / 3:00 pm

    Yes this! There’s just no need for negativity at all. Goes back to the classic. If you can’t say nothing nice don’t say anything at all!

    #blogcrush

  16. May 12, 2017 / 7:43 pm

    Absolutely brilliant post. Couldn’t agree more. As they saying goes, if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. People can call themselves whatever the hell they want, if it feels good and empowering to them then that’s great. If you don’t like the term, don’t use it, and if you don’t like mom blogs then for heavens sake don’t bloody read them. I love your positivity, we need more of it in this world x
    #Coolmumclub
    Alana – Burnished Chaos recently posted…#funseekingkids Week 6 Round-UpMy Profile

  17. May 12, 2017 / 9:48 pm

    I absolutely loved reading this Fi. I completely agree with each to their own and we should all feel free to voice our opinions on our blogs and within blogging groups (where bloggers go to for support)…I do think some people are way too opinionated on certain issues and talk as though everyone else is wrong, when really we can each think what we like. There is way to much judging going on in the blogging world on certain terminology…and those trolls are just tossers. I don’t tend to join in with Facebook groups which is probably why I’ve not come across too much of the negative stuff #coolmumclub xx
    Mum in Brum recently posted…ASOS promo codes to use NOW – Get your Summer wardrobe sorted!My Profile

  18. May 14, 2017 / 3:56 pm

    I’m pleased you stuck to your guns and kept your comments in that thread. Everyone is entitled to their opinions and you shouldn’t be made to feel small because yours is different to someone else’s. And remember, Aby from ‘you baby me mummy’ uses the terms ‘momboss’ and ‘mumpreneur’ and she’s one of the really big bloggers in my book! x #CandidCuddles

  19. May 14, 2017 / 3:59 pm

    Fi!! This is exactly why I love your blog so much, because you tell it as it is. It sounds like things got out of hand. I think the trouble is that words and graphics mean different things to different people. Everyone takes a slightly different meaning away with them. Personally I love the term girlboss, mumboss, you name it. Nothing like a bit of girl power 🙂 Thanks for sharing with the #DreamTeam xxx
    Annette, 3 Little Buttons recently posted…Help! I can’t make mum friendsMy Profile

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