I have been looking forward to writing this post, because I actually can’t believe what a difference a year makes!
This time a year ago I woke up as excited as a kid at Christmas! It was the day of my 12 week scan. We were so excited; I remember the appointment was in the afternoon and I desperately tried to keep busy all morning to make the day go quicker. It was such a lovely day; I will never forget the fascination on Sam’s face when he saw his baby on that screen. We were in awe and so happy.
It was so lovely when we announced it on Facebook; I know this isn’t something that everyone likes to do but we were thrilled to, as you can see from the stupid expression on my face:
I loved that I had a little bump so early on as well – I was so proud to show off my pregnancy.
One of the things about my blog I love is that it’s something Josh can look back at (Hmm well maybe not everything I’ve written….!) so I wanted to write a little something just to him:
As I write this you are nearly 6 months old which is absolutely crazy. I am watching you snooze on the monitor; you had decided that 5am was a perfectly acceptable wake up time but fortunately clever Mummy settled you back to sleep.
A year ago today we got to tell everyone we were having you; it was such a relief to tell everyone and to also have to stop hiding my ever growing bump. No wonder I was showing early given the size of you, you little chubster 🙂
You’ve changed my life for the better. You’ve taught me unconditional love. You’ve taught me that I have more patience than I realised. You make my life better every day. I remember at the 12 week scan, the look on your Dad’s face when he saw you on the screen; he was instantly in love. We loved watching how big I grew as the pregnancy went on and were on such a countdown to meet you.
Of course you didn’t make it particularly easy as you were a massive baby and took your sweet time making your appearance into the world! But you were so worth the wait! You’ve given us the best six months of our lives. You make us smile every day; you make us realise that we shouldn’t sweat the small stuff – there are so many more important things in life.
You’re at a wonderful age now, your little personality is shining through and it’s so lovely when you giggle at us or you see your little friends and there is recognition in your face. Every day you’re changing and I feel so lucky to have you and see you develop and grow. You are our whole world and we love you so much. And now you’ve woken up and I can hear you in your cot blowing raspberries and giggling to yourself! You beautiful little weirdo; I love you so much!!
Love Mummy (and Daddy – even though he didn’t write this)
I can’t believe how much I have changed in a year. I am no longer just Fi, I’m Mummy. I love it though; becoming a Mum has been the making of me. I’ve learnt so much about myself – I am stronger than I give myself credit for, I have a lot more patience than I realised. I have the ability to survive on four hours sleep (along with gallons of coffee). I love that I can proudly say I am a good Mum; it took a while for my self belief to kick in where that is concerned. I was always worried I was doing things wrong at the beginning, or I was too concerned about what others might be thinking. But as time has gone on my confidence has grown; I am the one who knows Josh best and I do know what I’m doing, and when I do need help and guidance I’ve got an amazing supportive family and group of friends I can turn to for advice.
As well as all the typical learning curves you go through when you become a new Mum, I’ve also learnt a lot of things I hadn’t been quite as prepared for. You learn how to shower, dress and do your make up in the same amount of time as it takes your baby to nap.
You learn how to bite your tongue when given unasked for advice from people, or nod along in polite fake agreement even if in your head you’re not even listening and instead fantasising about yet another cup of tea (another part of motherhood – you become hugely dependant on caffeine…. and cake). You learn that it doesn’t matter if you have to pay £500 when your husband accidently drills through a wire that controls your central heating and breaks it – when your baby smiles at you it makes you forget all that and you don’t dwell on these things anymore. You become braver when you’re a mother; pre-pregnancy would you have gone into a room and struck up a conversation with a complete stranger about taboo subjects such as nipples, boobs and stitches in your vag – NO! Now, it’s a surprising ice breaker!
A year ago I’d be heading off to work, I’d have a coffee with friends when I got there, I’d be in my heels and a nice dress, hair perfectly straighted and winning at winged eye liner.
Fast forward a year and I have a new boss; one who is far more demanding, watches my every move and if I step a foot out of line he lets me know in no uncertain terms. There is no pay, no holiday entitlement, no company car. Your work is never done and no matter how hard you try you have days where you are consumed with guilt and think “should I have tried this, should I have done it like that”. You are on call 24/7 and there are no days off. As for the hot coffee… dream on, now it’s all about downing a cup that’s lukewarm at best but you don’t care because you just need the caffeine.
But you can’t put a price on when your baby smiles on you, when they wrap their chubby little arms around your neck, when they do that ridiculously cute giggle! It makes every moment of that hard work (and it is hard work; yes we spend a lot of time eating cake but believe me, us Mummies NEED THE CAKE) worth while. It makes every sleepless night a bit easier. It makes you forget when your baby has tipped strawberries all over your cream carpet thus destroying it. It makes everything worth while.
I am so happy being a mother; Josh is the moon and the sun to me! He’s my everything! Him being in my life has strengthened me, it’s added an even stronger bond to my marriage, it’s made us a happy little family. It’s brought me some amazing friends, it’s taught me to look at things differently and it’s taught me that I am the luckiest girl in the world and to never take anything for granted. Josh hasn’t changed me; he’s improved me! He’s the love of my life and I can’t wait to see what the next 6 months, and beyond, hold.
Thank you for reading, and I hope you’ll look forward to reading more about our crazy journey (I know people hate that word sorry)!
Lots of Love