I wrote an Instagram post the other night that people really seemed to resonate with and that I wanted to expand on. And with Mothers Day just around the corner, what better time to express what being a Mummy is to me.
Everything. Everything slotted into place when he arrived. I became someone I was destined to be.
Lucky. I am so unbelievably to be Josh’s Mother. The lessons he teaches me, the things I am learning about myself, the fun, the rewards. I’m literally in awe of him.
Love. Loving someone more than you ever thought possible. It’s consuming, overwhelming, it’s like an obsession. When I was breastfeeding him, his last feed of the day before bed, and it was just us and it was quiet and dark, it seemed like we were the only two in the world. He was entirely dependant on me, and I’d watch him feed with such love in my heart sometimes I’d get a bit emotional (I know that sounds daft – don’t vomit in your mouth people).
He’s my absolute priority. He comes before everything in the world. His wants and needs are the most important thing in my life.
Vomit…. poo…. usually on you. You will develop the strongest stomach possible. I’ve been shit on, weed on, vomited on – in fact I’ve actually had Josh vomit directly into my mouth. I’ve also had him do an epic poonami in public, when I’ve had to have a day out and many people gawping at me. I’ve had boobs out everywhere with the need to feed my absolute beast of a child only to then be puked on (again, in public – we wouldn’t want to unsettle the tradition). But, very quickly, you get past caring. And even more amazingly, fellow Mums will not even bat an eyelid at this; they’ll get it, they’ll understand.
You Never switch off. You are on the go constantly; mentally, physically and emotionally. You have a permanent shadow. I rarely get to pee by myself! You have times where you are stuck to the chair whilst Bub naps on you and you aren’t move for FOWT (Fear of Waking Them) – it’s a very real thing!
Really fucking hard work. It’s really hard. I read every book going before Josh was born. I thought I was prepared and I knew what to expect. Josh arrived and basically I had to throw away everything I thought I knew about being a mother and wing it. Whilst sleep deprived. And having to accept that I didn’t have all the answers. Sometimes I felt so lost, and without the support of friends, family and a healthy dose of having faith in myself, I don’t know how I’d have got through it. You carry on. You never give up.
Mummy guilt (bitch). Hideous. Vile. Ignore her – she’s a right judgey cow. You don’t need that negative shit!
Multi tasker – at epic levels! Answering the door whilst breastfeeding, hoovering whilst rocking the baby to sleep, dealing with a stupid amount of laundry whilst attempting to make a weeks worth of homemade meals!
Tired. Very glad tea exists.
Destroyed hair. Those stupid tufty bits of hair that make me look like I’ve had a minor electric shock. HATE THEM!
Still tired. Seriously the tiredness sucks. You adapt. You also become very glad coffee exists too. In fact you’ll probably become a caffeine addict. You will also become a secret chocolate eater. And a secret eater of anything your child wants to eat (AKA ANYTHING you’ve got)! Long live the days of secretly eating Galaxy in the bathroom!
The happiest I’ve ever been.
Smiling. A lot – every day. At them and because of them.
Life changing. Mind altering. A whole new perspective on every aspect of your life and the world we’re raising these munchkins in
Constant worry. I now understand what my Mother meant when she said you never stop worrying. You don’t; why’s he crying like that, why is his poo that colour, why isn’t he eating more, why won’t he eat more, is he dehydrated, is he getting enough milk, is he having too much milk, is he too hot, is he too cold. It’s never ending.
Huge believer in gut instinct. I’ve never had more faith in myself and my abilities as a Mum. I am really proud of myself for that.
Seeing my son smile = Joy. The best feeling in the world.
Looking like shit – but it’s worth it. I have those days where I look like shit and it really gets me down and only a hair mask and a long hot bath can lift my spirits. I also have those days where I look like shit and I don’t care. Because spending a day in my cosies watching my son play and reading with him, curling up and being cosy, making memories and having those moments I dreamt of when I was so desperate to have a baby are so much more important than me having frizzy hair.
Who I am meant to be
This is my purpose in life.
Happy Mothers Day to all the Beauts out there!