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  • A New Chapter…

    Oh my beloved blog. I approach you borderline shame faced. I haven’t written in so so long! Life takes over, one day blurs into another, one minute it’s February, the next the Strictly line up has been announced and Christmas is approaching.

    I feel like so much has gone on since I last wrote. Good times, testing times, learning curves, new adventures.

    I could sum it up quickly…

    My daughter is an 18 month old teething demanding madam who is running rings around me

    My son has finally started to attempt to speak in sentences and sings Incy Wincy Spider approximately 78347 times a day

    I got a job! Yep, this Mama is returning to the office world.

    I’ve finished the hell that has been 10 weeks of solo parenting whilst the husband has been on a hideous overtime cycle which has nearly killed me – yes me, not him!

    But we all know I don’t do quick summaries. So I thought I’d treat you all to a little life update.

    When I last wrote, I mentioned about going back to work. Reclaiming a bit of “me” again. And recently I was fortunate enough to receive TWO job offers. One was a standard admin job, something I could do standing on my head, go in get done and leave kinda job. The company seemed nice enough. It would have been a very easy option.

    But then I was offered another role. I had two interviews for this role and I had to admit, before my first interview I was contemplating not going. The role was slightly out of my typical and safe admin based comfort zone. At both interviews I asked why they liked me seeing as I didn’t have the experience I expected they’d want for such a role. And at both interviews I was told “you’ve got the relevant experience to turn your hand to this role” and even more importantly “we’ve got faith in you”. After that first interview I really really wanted this job. Yes I was nervous, I have the whole “can I do this” nerves, but these people I’d only just met had the faith in me. Maybe it was time to have a bit of faith in myself.

    So when I got offered the role, I was thrilled. Yes it’s daunting, new, and there will be no just going in for the day, doing the job and going home; I will have to learn , I will have to concentrate. Most importantly, I want to do those things. I want to use my brain again. I want to push myself. I want to be out of my comfort zone.

    Because that is the whole point of this.

    Being a stay at home parent can sound like the dream, before you have kids. You think you’re going to be chilling at home, drinking tea and catching up on vintage Made in Chelsea whilst the baby naps. And do you know what, for the first six weeks, whilst you’re in that “feed, change, sleep” pattern, you can do that. And thank God, because that is the time for your body to recover from the hell that is labour (I’m sorry, I can’t sugar coat it and I will never be a “I loved being in labour, I was so empowered” kinda gal. I am a “it fucking hurt and every day I thank God for the invention of epidurals). But then at around six weeks, it all changes. Teething, rolling, moving, crawling, walking, tantrums….. I haven’t had a hot cup of tea since 2016!! It becomes full on. It is a full time job. I start at 6am and I don’t stop till 7pm. My annual leave is basically a yearly holiday doing the same job but in a different location. There is no sick leave – babies don’t give two shits if you’re down with norovirus, they expect a boob in the mouth and constant attention regardless.

    But it has also been the most rewarding and eye opening 4 years of my life. When I had Josh I didn’t know he was autistic. I didn’t have a clue about the challenges that lay ahead. We learn parenting as we go along; each child is different and we have to learn from them and adapt (flexible attitude to the job is key)! And I have had to learn a somewhat different path from my fellow Mummy friends. There have been times of despair, when I had no idea what I was doing. There have been times of loneliness, isolation and comparing myself to seemingly perfect Mums on Instagram. But these are all things I have learnt from. These things have moulded me into the Mum I am. A good Mum, a strong Mum and one who has dedicated every waking minute to my babies.

    I went for a run the other day and a song came on my iPod that had been out around the time Josh’s autism diagnosis came through. It took me back to that emotional time and it really made me think how far we’ve come as a family. And it made me think just how lucky I have been to be at home and what an absolute privilege it has been. Josh and Holly have taught me so much. We’ve been a little team. Of course I have had moments of doubt about going back to work, but with both kids getting older, both of them loving nursery and learning so much there, and gaining a bit of independence (as much as you can when you’re a toddler) this feels like the perfect time.

    So I guess it’s a new little chapter for me. And one that, right now, I am pretty damn nervous about. But the excitement outweighs the nerves and I can’t wait to see what the next few months holds for all of us.


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