It’s been a busy couple of weeks and I can’t believe as I write this my baby boy is 10 weeks old! The time has absolutely flown by and it is wonderful to be feeling human again. Josh is doing so well – he’s a little chunker and on Monday he weighed 13lb 14oz; not bad for a 10 week old baby. I must have some decent breastmilk because often he doesn’t feed for longer than ten minutes, which is a god sent at night time as we often get back to sleep within half an hour. He’s like clock work with his feeds too now; midnight, 3am and 6am, so things feel a lot more settled now. Having said that, there has been a serious need for coffee some days!
Having been open about how much I struggled the first few weeks, I am happy to say I am feeling so much better now. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve spoken up about how I was feeling, or because we’ve settled into a bit of a loose routine, or just because time has passed and we are getting out and about lots but everything is so enjoyable now. We’ve been seeing some of our lovely friends from our NCT class and we’ve started some classes including baby sensory. Since we took Josh to the sensory class at Center Parcs, we’ve noticed how obsessed he is with lights so in the evenings we have fairy lights on for him and a light toy which he is fixated on. We’ve now started putting him up to bed in the evenings and I stay up till 9ish before going up to bed. Obviously we have the monitor on so I can hear him, should I need to. It’s taking some getting used to though; the Mummy guilt rears it’s ugly head and I worry he’ll wonder where I am. But to be fair he just sleeps through until around midnight so fingers crossed it’s the start of a decent routine and I’ve got everything crossed that as time goes on he starts dropping the 3am feed.
We had the most lovely weekend and went for a walk around the lake at my in-laws farm. It was a good excuse to put the Quinny Buzz Xtra to the test and see if it could withstand the rough terrain; thankfully it did, although it was slightly muddy!
Another high light of the week was I had my first night out since having Josh!
It felt so good to go out. One of the best parts of the evening was getting ready; it was so nice to put on whatever I wanted and not have to think “oh, can I feed in this”.
I managed to express two decent bottles to leave hubby to feed Josh with, so I could completely relax. I didn’t know how I’d be once I was out; if I’d be checking my phone constantly and have half my mind on the baby or if I’d switch off and enjoy my night. Josh had been really grumpy before I left, so when I was first out I did check my phone a couple of times to see how he was but when Sam sent me the following photo I soon relaxed:
So in the end, I had a really enjoyable night. I had a fair few glasses of prosecco but only enough to feel a bit tipsy; I did not want to have a hangover the next day and thankfully being sensible paid off because other than being tired, I felt fine. I have to admit even though I had a great night, I still managed to feel some guilt. Why is it no matter what we do we feel guilt. The guilt I felt was due to the fact that I was able to switch off for a few hours, I could just be Fi and have a giggle and not think about baby stuff. And I felt guilty because I didn’t struggle to do that; shouldn’t I be pining and doing the whole checking my phone every five seconds! To be honest I know I shouldn’t feel guilty, I’m a good Mum and I deserved a good night out, Josh was well looked after by his Daddy and I was right as rain the next day. It seems no matter what we do as Mummys we always feel a bit guilty! But I can’t recommend a good night out with your girls enough – I loved seeing them and having a giggle.
Mummy guilt seems to be something we feel every day no matter what we do. In fact as I write this I am feeling very guilty; Josh seems to have nails which grow at the speed of light and he is forever scratching his face. I’ve tried scratch mitts but they soon get flung off! So whilst I was feeding him and he was relaxed I cut his nails. I’ve done it before and we survived so I was just super careful, but then I noticed I had nicked one of his fingers. He hadn’t made a sound and didn’t seem bothered but oh my god the guilt I felt, especially as it kept bleeding!! So it seems even when we are doing the right thing we can feel guilty. I have to remind myself that I am doing a good job and that these things really aren’t the end of the world (even though it made me cry)!
Another highlight of my week, is that I came home to an amazing bouquet of flowers from my friend as I looked after her cat whilst she was on holiday! Talk about spoiling me.
It’s been a really nice few weeks and I have to say I am loving life at the moment. I love seeing Josh grow and change every day and we have lots to look forward to including a visit from Nanny and Gramps next week which we are very excited about! And of course as I mentioned last week we have Valentines Day coming up – a good excuse to get the husband to cook dinner and me to sort out breakfast <3
Have a great week everyone and enjoy Valentines Day! I’ll look forward to writing Joshs 12 week update – 3 months! That’s crazy to even think about.
Lots of Love x