So I am officially the worst person at Blogmas ever! I missed another day yesterday – I think it’s more likely this is going to be an every other day Blogmas! Things are so hectic and yesterday afternoon Josh decided to have the mother of all meltdowns! Stupid bloody teething yet again and I couldn’t settle him for a nap in the afternoon so he was exhausted by 5pm!
I’ve been cutting down on breastfeeding this week and I’ve not been feeding him before naps so that’s unsettled him. I’m currently watching him on the camera rolling around trying to settle himself. I was attempting to vlog this morning and I said on there how frustrating it is because yesterday I caved and gave Josh some milk in the afternoon because he was having a meltdown and it didn’t help anyway so then I felt even more guilty for caving. It made me realise we are damned if we do and damned if we don’t; we feel guilty if we struggle to breastfeed, we feel guilty if we don’t do it and now I feel guilty that a year down the line of feeding and whilst trying to give up, I gave in and let him have it!
Mummy Guilt sucks, as I’ve mentioned before. Yet it seems to crop up every sodding day for all manner of different reasons. I think all first time Mums go into motherhood with preconceptions. You think you know how it will all be, how you are going to do things your way, you think you’ve got it sussed. Then along comes baby and bam, all your preconceptions of perfect parenting disappear. Because there is no perfect parenting. You’ve got to let that shit go. Today Josh and I have had a day at home; we’ve played, read, eaten, made cheese straws and napped. It’s grey and miserable and with a busy weekend ahead in the big smoke, it’s been nice to relax and do nothing. Yet I still feel a bit guilty; I better take him to the park when he wakes from his nap I tell myself. On the other side of the coin, on Monday we were out and about all day, busy and he had to have his naps in the car. Poor baby, he must want to nap in his cot I tell myself.
Do you know what I (and many others) should tell ourselves.
Let It Go.
The guilt, the self doubt. Life is all about balance; everything in moderation – even prosecco and chocolate. Life is short (as I told my lovely friend Sarah yesterday whilst encouraging her to buy some of the most gorgeous boots I’ve ever seen)! Just enjoy it. I am a terrible over thinker; I am fan-bloody-tastic at over thinking and over analysing everything. And that’s something I have to work on. Sometimes you just have to accept life a day at a time. Enjoy it, be grateful, don’t miss the moments that count.
My lovely friend Emily over at My Petit Canard has had a lovely idea of writing a regular gratitude list. I love this idea; it doesn’t have to be all diamonds and flash things, but the simple things that we often take for granted without realising because we are busy over thinking about how the butternut squash in the babies dinner isn’t organic! So I thought on todays Blogmas I’d do my own little gratitude list including some of the things I am grateful this week:
- Treating myself to this gorgeous palette from Barry M – I blame Lucy Mecklenburgh with her beautiful adverts!
- Seeing one of my best friends twice this week for the most fun and cake filled of play dates – we should have shares in how much cake we eat!
- Anyone who put on Twitter or Instagram how good The Missing is – because now I’m catching up on it and it’s AMAZING!!!!!!!!!
- It’s Christmas!!!!!!! Look at this little love bug sat in front of the tree – love this time of year
- My lovely friend Laura writing this most special comment on my most recent blog post, saying she was so grateful I had come in to her life – she’s such a good friend and I don’t think she’ll ever realise how much that meant to me.
- Joshs Fairy Blogmother the AMAZING Sarah at Mum Muddling Through sending Josh a special birthday card – one of the nicest things we had all day!
- Waitrose – Christmas Cupcakes – enough said!
- Black Friday New Look bargains! Too many of them – oops! I needed those Chelsea boots though 😉
- Upcoming Christmas parties; Mummy and Daddy are going to be set free for a night. Bring on the Prosecco.
- The cheese straws I baked turning out to be delicious; my baking is improving.
- Hubby for fixing the dishwasher; when that broke I could have had a nervous breakdown
- Sam getting to see Josh taking his first couple of tentative steps over the weekend
It’s so important to just take moments to be grateful for the simple things, funny things, memorable things. Then when you’re having a difficult day you can read these and remind yourself of just how lucky you are.
I promise (!) to do my best to write tomorrow; demon teething child permitting!