Dear Diary – I AM a good Mum

Morning Everyone,

I am actually writing this weeks diary post a day later than usual, on Sunday evening. I decided yesterday to be entirely selfish and enjoy a family day which was lovely and I’m glad I did it. I notice sometimes I get major blogger guilt (cause mum guilt isn’t fun enough) and fret if I haven’t posted. But I’ve always said I’d rather post decent blogs with things I want to write about rather than writing half hearted rubbish! So I also spent today (Sunday) with family, relaxing, eating and enjoying it rather than worrying. All part of my effort to stop fretting about things!

Anyway I digress! It’s been a nice week which started very busy and ended with a couple of days chilling and relaxing. We have been to visit friends, done some cheeky shopping (I couldn’t resist this Halloween Babygro) and had play dates with some of Joshs little buddies.

I also took Josh to a little singing group this week which I had high hopes he’d enjoy but annoyingly it was at exactly the same time as his usual lunchtime nap so he spent the session snuggled into me just listening. I  actually really enjoyed this; this past week he’s got really affectionate giving me, Sam and basically anyone with blonde hair (he’s such a flirt) proper cuddles! It’s so cute and I love that he curls up my arms to do this.

Here’s a few little photo highlights of our week:

 

One thing I have noticed this week, and would appreciate any advice on if you’ve gone through this, is that at around 4pm every day he’s crawled up to me and insisted upon having a breast feed! He has dropped day time feeds now really and only has proper feeds at night, or a little 2 minute feed before going for a nap. He’s doing so well with his food (the kid eats better than me, God bless Annabel Karmel) and is a major chunky monkey! So I don’t believe it’s hunger, yet I don’t think it can be for comfort either as he really gets the milk flowing and scoffs it back. So if anyone else has experienced this I’d love to know your thoughts and advice.

One guilty pleasure I indulged in this week (along with baby clothes shopping, large slices of cake and 3 chocolate oranges….. oh the shame) was a bit of rubbish TV. This week Sam Faiers new show the Mummy Diaries started. I hadn’t seen the Baby Diaries when it was on earlier in the year, although I’ve now watched on catch up, but I’d read all about it and the controversy her other half caused with his kiss to his Mum. But I have to say watching the Mummy Diaries, I absolutely loved it. I wasn’t sure if I would but Sam is such an admirable mother and I really respect her attitude to motherhood and her son, baby Paul. She’s a real natural and I admire her for breastfeeding even in the midst of a live TV interview on This Morning whilst promoting the show. It was disappointing to hear other women saying “she’s doing it for attention”, but I don’t believe that for one second. As someone who is also still breastfeeding I fully understand, when the kid wants a feed you just do it. I expect that’s why Josh is now enjoying his bonus afternoon feed that I’ve mentioned; if he wants it I’m going to give it to him.

One thing I loved that Sam had to say was a simple sentence: I am a good Mum.  Good on her! Because all of us are good Mums but we don’t blow our own trumpets enough.  It got me thinking, do I think I’m a good Mum. And I have to say, yeah I think I’m a really good Mum.  I think I’ve surprised a lot of people I am close to with my maternal instinct. I guess I am quite an uptight person in some respects, or at least I used to be, but I think I’ve surprised people with how relaxed and happy I am with certain things where Josh is concerned. I think it was expected I’d be a bit more highly strung and I’ve pleasantly surprised people! I am really proud of breastfeeding. I know it’s a controversial subject, and I don’t want to sound at all like I am anti formula feeding because I am absolutely not, I’m just really proud I’ve managed to breastfeed for so long and overcome difficulties! Some of which I am still facing now; nursing when your baby has teeth…… OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Josh is a really chilled baby and I am really proud of the fact that I am often told “he’s such a happy baby”. Obviously Sam and I are doing something right. I make sure he knows and sees family and friends often, so if I have to leave him with them I can do so without worrying. I’ve done this from a young age and it’s worked in our favour. I know I’m a good Mum; I’ve got a happy little boy and although I have those moments of guilt, worry, doubt, I know deep down I’m doing the very best I can and that’s the most important thing of all! That’s all any of us can do and I feel proud that I can feel confident in my abilities as a Mum, although it did take me a while to get here!

So that was our week, a nice chilled one, probably not the most interesting read but just a little update on us. I ended our week by taking part on #waveoflight by lighting a candle for all of those who have experienced miscarriage and baby loss. My heart breaks for anyone who has gone through this. I’ve been there, it’s shit. I love the idea of Wave of Light; everyone across the world lighting a candle at 7pm so it literally is a wave around the globe. So beautiful and an important message of support to anyone going through such horrendous loss.

Love

Fx