As Mums, we tend to doubt ourselves at times. I’d be amazed if we didn’t all feel this sometimes. And again as women, we doubt ourselves.
This sucks. I hate it.
So to then doubt myself as a writer last week, as a blogger, was not a good feeling.
Where to start. And how to word this without sounding bitchy or mean. Even as I type this I wonder if I’ll even dare to publish it. But I am a nice girl, someone who always tries to see the good in people and I don’t think putting my thoughts across on this should go against me. And I hope it doesn’t.
I wrote a post a couple of weeks ago that meant the world to me. I was scared to publish it, I was nervous of the response. Turns out I shouldn’t have been; I got some incredible comments and it was such a huge comfort to know others had felt the way I had and identified with what I had to say. Even more of a joy was when it was made Mumsnet Blog of the Day. To me, as daft as this may sound, this was a big deal to me. I felt really proud of myself and my writing.
At the end of last week I got a message from a wonderful blog friend of mine who said she’d just read a post that was identical to what I’d published. Within a couple of hours I had similar messages from five other blogging friends. I didn’t know how to feel; flattered, annoyed, gutted. I certainly felt angry; in my opinion (sorry but I had to word it in bold because I don’t want to get attacked again) it was a blatant copy of my blog post, one that I felt protective of. I was further angered by the fact that the writer was getting some wonderful comments and support. It was a gutting feeling to know someone was getting credit for something I felt was my work.
After some discussions and advice from friends, I did confront the other writer. I was civil; I wasn’t mean. That’s not my style. She was very sweet and adamant it was a coincidence, which is fair enough. I felt she probably was being genuine and I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I certainly wasn’t going to instigate a witch hunt; this blogging world we’re in is one where we should all stand together not against each other.
I was sensitive to the situation I can’t lie. My writing is my other baby. I feel hugely protective of it. As I’ve said before, when I write it’s from the heart. I just churn out my thoughts and feelings in that moment, and in turn I am exposing my inner most thoughts with you all. That’s quite a risk to take sometimes, but that’s the whole point of my blog; honesty, reality, optimism, positivity, showing Mums and women we’re all in this together. So if you were in my shoes, you too would feel irritated, sensitive, and pretty damn gutted if you felt someone else was reaping credit for something you’d written. As I say, I have now given that writer the benefit of the doubt. I don’t want anyone saying this is an attack on that individual. But this is my blog, my space to write how I am feeling and after this recent upset I am allowed to write how I felt in the moment.
Bloggers overlap, especially parent bloggers. I get that. We may all be on different journeys but we all experience the same highs and lows. So I accept many of us are going to write similar posts. But the incident last week made me see a different side to blogging. If I’m bluntly honest, I ended up being the one to made to feel like shit. I saw comments saying I shouldn’t have brought it up, that there was some pettiness involved. As I say, I am quite a sensitive chick and it hurt that I was the one who ended up feeling like the bad person.
I don’t think there should be a bad person in this whole thing; I believe it was a coincidence, however I also believe I was justified in how I felt and that any other blogger would feel the same. And this negative aspect to blogging gave me a whole new perspective on the blogging world. Perhaps I need to grow a thicker skin, perhaps I need to not be so sensitive. But surely me being me is what makes my blog unique. I want people to relate to me especially Mums. To know that I’m a fellow Mama who has hard days, that I too struggle, that I doubt myself. I’m not advocating doubting yourself, but the reality is that we all do it sometimes. I’m not someone who has a huge influence on people but I like to think that I am someone that others will read about and think “thank God I’m not alone”. That’s my main priority with blogging.
So I’m not going to change who I am. What I have learnt from this experience is the importance of believing in myself, and not to doubt myself. Not everyone is going to like me, not everyone is going to agree with me, and that’s cool. All I can do is just keep being me and that’s not going to change. I’m proud of myself for a few things; Josh, my loyalty as a friend, my ability to sniff out a new handbag at 20 paces! But I am utterly and truly proud of myself for Beauty Baby and Me. I am proud of my writing. And that won’t be taken away from me, no matter how petty others may deem it.
And if you take the time to read my blog and enjoy it can I just say thank you. To know that I am reaching people, making them laugh, reassuring them, that’s all I want. And I am so glad that you’re enjoying it.
I believe in me and I’m happy with that!
Love
Fx
I totally get where you are coming from on this. I doubt myself and am way too oversensitive about things all the time. And the blogging world is an odd one too which I think can either make you feel fantastic or fantastically crap depending on how it swings. I have wanted to start my blog for over 3 years but have only just this year started to regularly post and start it properly and that is mostly due to self doubt and a feeling that others are probably already doing what I want to do and maybe doing it better so is there space for me. But I knoW i have something worth doing. I’m not aware of which post you refer to here or what happened but just keep on being true to yourself and don’t let others hold you back. Your blog is lovely and you should be proud!
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It’s such a hard one isn’t, when you are incredibly proud of a post and you have worked so hard on it, to then find someone else has written something similar. I find it can really dent your confidence, whether it was a coincidence or not. But you know that your regular readers know you, and know that you always speak from the heart which is how you produce such amazing posts! Blogging definitely makes you that bit more paranoid, and I have to admit I have written posts in the past and then read one very similar and wondered if they think I have copied them! You were absolutely justified in the way you felt, and no-one should make you feel bad for the way that you feel. Carry on writing your awesome posts and inspiring others #BloggerClubUK
Abi – Something About Baby recently posted…When the Sickness Doesn’t Stop – Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG)
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Thank you so much honey xx
Hmm I had a similar incident recently – post was way too similar for being a coincidence – I wonder if it was the same blogger!! I didn’t confront them but the similarity was blatant. I let it go but it was tough to so I understand why you did what you did and frankly I think well done to you! Of course we have similar experiences but I think we all write so differently that nothing is considered the same. I guess imitation is the best form of flattery but it’s tough! #BloggerClubUK
justsayingmum recently posted…This Social Media World I’m In
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It is tough and very annoying! Thank you for being supportive and understanding xxx #bloggerclubuk
Fi, you were totally within your rights to feel the way you did, and I think that you felt the same way as we all would when we have shared something so close to our hearts. You know the same thing has happened with me and I was so hurt by it, whether it’s a coincidence or not, when you write something from the heart you do feel protective of that, and to have someone come along and share the same is a bitter pill to swallow. Blogging is such a tough job to do at times, there is so much overlap and no real way of protecting your work, we can’t copyright every post or topic covered. I think it’s important to learn from these lessons but also not to change who we are as people. You stay as fierce and protective of your blog as you are now, I think that’s what makes it your own, and nobody could ever judge you for that. xxx #bloggerclubuk
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You always have my back – thank you so much honey xxxx
You didn’t wade in and verbally attack the other blogger, you brought the issue to their attention in a fair and civilised way, and have accepted the response, so ignore what anyone else has to say. They are irrelevant #bloggerclubuk
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Thank you so much xx
This must have been really hard. My posts are always written from the heart too, and sometimes I see other posts which are very similar, then again sometimes I see very similar posts to something that I have in draft form so I chose not to publish mine so that it doesn’t seem like there’s been a cross over. I think all you can do is focus on your work, and the lovely comments and support that you get for it. I enjoyed reading this post and have bookmarked you to read more (about to dash out on the school run now!). #bloggerclubuk
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Ah thank you so much honey this is so lovely xxx
You have every right to be narked. I would be. And I’m pleased that you went ahead and hit the publish button on this post – not that you should have to justify yourself to those who felt the need to comment negatively towards your feelings. But because like you said, this is your space to say what and how you feel. Good for you. You write beautifully and this is a gorgeous looking blog. I’ll be popping back again for sure. #candidcuddles
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This is such a lovely comment thank you so much chick xxx
I have been where you were being copied a few times, it made me feel all the things you express here. In the end it’s best to let it go however hard it is and just keep doing your thing – blogging well, staying positive and friendly. #bloggerclubuk
Fiona Cambouropoulos recently posted…Discover The Night Gardener
I’m sorry that you had such a negative experience. You are well within your right to speak up when you feel that you have been wronged. There is nothing wrong with that. #BloggerClubUK
Aw you are the bigger person here for understanding and letting it go, i honestly don’t think I would have been able to. AS mums and bloggers we are here to support each other not rip each other off. I can understand that the topics are going to be similar but word for word is not a coincidence. Don’t lose hope, you are doing great xx
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Thank you sweetie xx
Hi darling, you know how I feel about this and I think you absolutely did the right thing saying something. When I thought about what happened, I felt really disappointed about the blogging community if I’m honest. We all read posts that we find inspiring and so beautifully written – in fact before we even ‘met’ properly yours was a blog that I thought this often! – but it’s just too far to take someone’s idea in this way. You keep being you, your unique style of writing and how supportive you are of women supporting women is what makes your blog so awesome. It’s like a safe space to feel like you’re not alone in the day to day struggles of being a mum…you should stay proud of it and I am incredibly proud of you too. xxx #bloggerclubuk
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Love you chick – you always support me and it means more than you know xx #bloggerclubuk
I 100% think you did the right thing by mentioning it, you were nice about it, they’re was no nastiness on your part and the fact you got grief about it is dreadful. I’m glad you published this post as well. Keep going and keep being proud. You rock. #coolmumclub
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You’re a sweetheart thank you so much xxx #coolmumclub
I think I’d feel exactly as you did. You have every right to be angry. I certainly would be! #coolmumclub
No one owns an idea. There is only so much we can blog about so there will be overlaps. But there’s a difference between similarities and identical. Similarities suggests you and An Other blogger wrote posts on the same subject and posted at the same time. That you chalk up to experience as it happens to all of us. Identical suggests a cut and paste job. That’s really not on. I’m sorry you didn’t get more support when you challenged it.
Well done you, this happened to me, its awful. I can also sniff out a handbag… #coolmumclub xx
Lisa | Pass The Prosecco Please recently posted…Roll up & join the self-pity party
You should feel happy and proud of your blog/writing – it takes hard work and dedication – which makes it all the more wrong for someone to claim yours as their own. Great blog #BloggerClubUK
so sorry to hear that, I’ve had similar issues happen to me, hashtags are my biggest bug bear, when a large blogging group, like something i’m doing and rather than asking me to come on board, just hijack the idea and change it ever so slightly, apparently it’s always just a coincidence (my arse)
I can understand and sympathise with how you feel. I think as long as you were civil as you said and accepted the other bloggers response you were completely right in bringing the issue up, it’s not good for anyone to be upset/angry and not try and discuss things and get some closure. Self doubt is a big thing for me too, I’m a new blogger (only 2 months in) it has been something I was thinking about for over a year but lacked the confidence and courage to start it, but so pleased that I have now! #coolmumsclub
Ouch, that must have been a tricky situation!
I was reading The unmumsy mums book recently and realised a load of stuff I’d written sounded really similar – it occurred to me that it could look as though I was mimicking her? But then again, aren’t we all?! You are right – so many topics overlap and we all feel the same. I’ve actually binned a good post because as I was finishing it off a blogging friend published one so similar I just couldn’t publish mine – it happens!
You have good morals Fi, that’s obvious in all your work so stick to them and stand tall for what you work hard for.
xxx
Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub
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#candidcuddles wow, i agree and I’m not sure i would have dealt with it with so much dignity – high five you. My blog is bigger than my baby, its me – its my soul – its the inner working of my brain….im not sure how i would deal with that. however, i love the journey it took you on and how you stayed positive (most of the time 😉
Revisiting from #coolmumclub
I haven’t read your post or the other person’s post but I think our gut instincts are usually correct. If you felt her post was copied from yours then it probably was! I think you were right to confront her because, she obviously wasn’t going to admit it, but at least now she knows that she’s been caught out she is unlikely to do it again. #coolmumclub
You definitely did the right thing and I’ve suspected something similar recently and couldn’t bring myself to say anything although I now wished I had! Your posts are always interesting and are definitely something to be proud of! #coolnumclub
I can totally understand your feelings, and as a writer, I’d say they are justified. But I also think you handled the situation very well, and kept your self-confidence and self-esteem up… clap on the back for that!!!
#coolmumclub
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Oh I’m soooo glad you said something lovely! It’s important to stand up for your work & I’m really happy that you did that. I love the quote & agree with it. We shouldn’t doubt ourselves. I adore your blog & your positivity. Thank you for joining us at #candidcuddles x
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I’d have been peeved too, it was such a good post. I loved it and it thoroughly deserved Mumsnet blog of the day. I had similar with a post not exactly from the heart but a funny/list type one and say a few weeks later another post by someone with the same title. But the theme is so common to what other mums must be thinking I didn’t think much more of it. Well done you on approaching them nicely and accepting their response. I doubt myself all the time and it’s the side of blogging I don’t enjoy. You should be proud of your blog, I always try to look for it in linkys as I enjoy the read. xx #BloggerClubUK
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I shall now scour your blog for the post in question! A close blogging friend was on the other end of it when she was accused of being the copier. I in fact got dropped like a hot potato by my first ever blogging friend, an influential American blogger who took offence at me using some of her phraseology in my status post to describe my blog post THAT SHE HAD BEEN TALKING ABOUT ugh! It’s a funny one because I get your irritation and upset and at the same time, I know that there literally are about the same 25 titles I keep seeing in the blogosphere lol. Sadly, it is hard to have an original idea or when you have it, there is no such thing as it not being copied. Solder on lovely. #coolmumclub