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  • Why The Hate – Motherhood Challenge

    negative vibes

    Hi Everyone,

    So I’ve no doubt you’ll have seen the recent Facebook trend of the Motherhood Challenge. The purpose of this is to post three pictures of yourself and/or your little ones that reflect how motherhood has been for you. Now in my opinion, this is really cute. As a new Mummy this was a nice opportunity to show off three nice pictures of me and Josh, someone I am insanely proud of and I also really enjoyed looking at my friends photos when they posted their motherhood challenges.

    Anyway, on the day I posted mine, a girl I used to go to school with updated her Facebook status to say she thought the challenge was irritating and insensitive.  Her reasoning for this was that we should consider the women who may be struggling to get pregnant, or who have had miscarriages and loss and then have to see all these pictures. I can’t remember the full rant that she posted but I personally found it very negative and unnecessary, saying she was sick to death of seeing them and basically how could people be so self involved to post them! The most surprising thing about this is that the lady herself is pregnant.

    Now maybe it’s my post baby hormones, or the fact I am a very feisty person but I then posted my own little rant:

    “God, you really can’t do anything on here without pissing people off! I hate that by posting something nice which makes you and most (!) of those around you smile, there’s always someone negative out there to tear you down! God forbid you speak happily about your life, something you’ve worked hard to achieve or dreamt of for so long and are now celebrating it! Nope, apparently you can’t say f**k all on here these days without people having a bitch and a moan! Ridiculous! And no, I WON’T stop posting what I want, cause it’s MY Facebook! If you don’t like it feel free to unfriend me!”


    Now I have been honest in my struggle to fall pregnant with Josh, it took well over a year and I’d actually had an appointment booked to see a fertility specialist before finding out I was pregnant, so I am familiar with the struggle it can be to get pregnant.  I’ve also suffered more than one miscarriage in my life, again a horrendous thing for any woman to go through. So I can identify with the sensitivity that should be addressed when dealing with these subjects. But does that really mean we can’t celebrate when something wonderful happens! I hated the implication I should be more sensitive about what I put on my own Facebook page when I think I am an incredibly caring person and would never intentionally hurt anyone. I don’t think this ladies rant was only aimed at me or was personal towards me but it really struck a nerve with me. I’ve been through these horrible experiences but I can hand on heart say, I would never ever begrudge any of my friends celebrating their children, or any other happiness in their lives. Yes, I can understand that momentary jealousy you feel at times; I had it when I’d hear about people falling pregnant when we were trying, but that feeling was still always outweighed by happiness and then a feeling of positivity; my time would come. And it did!

    Following on from this, I have seen an article in one of the broadsheets titled “Facebooks Motherhood Challenge makes me want to punch my computer screen”. Talk about a title screaming negativity before you even read the article. The author acknowledges the challenge is meant to be a bit of fun but that, to her, “it is actually a smug way to measure women”! Talk about reading too much in to it!! I don’t think it’s about smugness at all; it’s a fun excuse to share pictures of moments you’re proud of. Those pictures don’t determine motherhood, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors and lets face it we all have challenges everyday with simply being a mother. It’s not easy. But in this world where we are so often bombarded with depressing news stories of terrorism, violence, deceit and negativity, can we not just enjoy a moment to see some nice pictures of cute children and friends and family that we love and take happiness in seeing something that makes us genuinely smile.

    Enough with the negativity please. I’m all for peoples opinions but lets just spread the happiness and not tear each other down.

    Sorry if this post is a bit of a rant! I’ll be interested to read your opinions.  Motherhood is real, it is a challenge, but it’s also wonderful and something to celebrate.

    Lots of Love and Positivity

    “Feisty Fi”!!



    1. February 10, 2016 / 8:38 am

      Yes, yes yes! I agree so much with this. I’m still baffled by the negative responses to this challenge – especially these articles that try to read way too much into what this challenge was. No, it wasn’t a ‘way to make women feel inadequate’ or to try to boast about how great a parent you are – it was just a lighthearted way to celebrate being a mum, because no-one else is ever going to celebrate it for you!

    2. Gemma
      February 10, 2016 / 12:18 pm

      I found myself apologising the other day because we post the baby milestone card photos on Facebook & a friend (who doesn’t have children) joked about the “constant” photos (initially one a week – then every other week – now one a month). But then I thought, why? At the end of the day, social media is self indulgent – all of us posting images of what is going on in our lives right now. Whether that is having a baby, a nice meal, a drunken night out or (my personal pet hate), gushing over a new relationship. Different things are important to us all at different stages in our lives & our Facebook friends should join us in celebrating that. That is what being a friend is about after all. On another note, there is a current trend to post things portraying yourself as a “hopeless” mother – like the unmumsy mum or Constance Hall. There are good & bad/hard aspects of being a mum – sometimes things will be picture perfect & sometimes not. The positive motherhood challenge photos are a good balance I think. I am also very mindful of not upsetting those with fertility struggles, as I know quite a few women who are unable to have children or have had miscarriages. I have endometriosis, which causes fertility problems in 50% of women affected but was very lucky to not have any problems in getting pregnant. It is a difficult one but I stand by being free to use your Facebook to post whatever is important to you & your loved ones. There is always the option of “unfollowing” a person whose posts irritate you. I am more concerned with those posting Britain First type messages but that is another topic entirely! x x

    3. February 11, 2016 / 1:28 pm

      You know we didn’t even get asked by anyone or even nominated for the FB challenge. My mummy doesn’t have many friends on Facebook (which is probably a good thing considering all the blogging stuff she talks about) jealousy is awful on FB I think it’s actually the nastiest social media channel out there! You can’t please everyone…. It took my mummy 3 years of trying with me! #BloggerUKClub x

    4. February 11, 2016 / 4:36 pm

      I read an article about this motherhood challenge from the point of view of a dad, who thought because it didn’t include dads that it was offensive. I did agree with him that he thought it should have been more of a parenthood challenge. There are plenty of dads out there who do a great job with their kids and they should be recognized for it. However, upon reading your article, I get where you’re coming from. This challenge hasn’t reached Americans, at least not anyone that I know anyway but I also don’t go on Facebook much anymore because of all of the negativity. I literally go on there to post personal pictures on my personal page or to promote blog posts on my blog page. I feel the same way you do. Its my page and if I want to post pictures of my kids, that’s exactly what I’m going to do. I have not had any complaints on my Facebook but I have seen way too much complaining to the point where I just walk away from the internet all together for a few days. Sometimes it’s necessary. I’m glad to have read your post, giving another point of view! It’s always good to have perspective. Popping over from #coolmumclub

    5. newmummyblogcom
      February 11, 2016 / 9:22 pm

      I agree, but at the same time, I’m also very limited in what I put on facebook. As a family we’re a bit paranoid about having too much out there about us (weird coming from a blogger, but I don’t post full on pictures of any of us, eg or use H’s full name).

      There are always going to be posts you don’t agree with or that hit a nerve. I think people should try to take it all with a pinch of salt, and if not, the leave facebook. It’s a platform for sharing, and challenges seem the way forward at the moment. I feel for those struggling with to have their own family, but it’s a bit like this challenge became a scapegoat. #bloggerclubuk

    6. February 12, 2016 / 9:30 am

      Hmmmm I must be living under a rock as this has totally passed me by but really, “Facebooks Motherhood Challenge makes me want to punch my computer screen”, c’mon now what a sour douchebag! Thanks for linking to #coolmumclub with this lovely! x

    7. February 12, 2016 / 11:50 am

      If you don’t want to read it, then no one’s making you. Just scroll on by until you find something you like. If you’re really bothered, then mute or unfollow that person.

      Starting a conversation about something is fine, but telling people what they can and can’t put on their own social media pages isn’t on. Particularly in such a passive-aggressive, guilt inducing way.

    8. min1980
      February 14, 2016 / 12:02 pm

      To be honest, if people are going to feel bad about the motherhood challenge because they are not mothers themselves and want to be, and may be going through infertility or loss, they will probably be feeling bad about a LOT of the things on Facebook, not just the motherhood challenge. I know when I was in that situation, it didn’t take much to trigger negative thoughts and feelings. That doesn’t mean, though, that other people don’t have the right to celebrate those things. It’s a bit like me saying bloggers shouldn’t post about their husbands, because I am single, or that they shouldn’t post pictures of craft projects, because I’m not very good at crafts, which is clearly ridiculous. #KCACOLS

    9. February 14, 2016 / 1:25 pm

      As a society I think we’re becoming ever more sensitive – everything seems to need trigger warnings and the like these days. On the one hand, it can be awful to stumble across something which puts a downer on your day, but on the other I don’t know if it really does people good to be constantly shielded from things they don’t like or agree with. If we can’t cope with just clicking off a website tab, what hope do we have when we have to deal with someone face to face for extended periods or something?? x #KCACOLS

    10. February 14, 2016 / 6:11 pm

      I didn’t even realise the motherhood challenge had raised such an issue until I read another blog post. Seems like a big deal over nothing to me. I took part & thought no more about it. You are right people should stop with the negativity. #kcacols lifeinthemumslane

    11. February 15, 2016 / 11:01 am

      Yep, totally agree. Also that meme is brilliant!

    12. February 15, 2016 / 4:20 pm

      I agree with you here – completely. I think we should of course take other’s feelings into consideration. But, not to the point that we can’t post any photos of our children or be happy for something in our own lives for fear someone else doesn’t have that something & will find offense or hurt. I love your quotes – I loled at the cat!! Thanks so much for linking up with #bloggerclubuk x

    13. February 15, 2016 / 5:39 pm

      I totally agree! We also struggled to get pregnant and had been through testing, so I also know what it’s like to be trying and nothing happening. I did have a moment after I’d posted my photos of “I hope I haven’t upset anyone” but I also agree that people read too much into these things – it’s just a bit of fun, after all!! I found your post via #bigpinklink 🙂

    14. February 15, 2016 / 9:17 pm

      There is a lot of oversensitivity out there, and I’ve been vocal myself about seeing things on social media that I don’t like (but this is mainly people trying to create an illusion of perfection, when you know that their life is far from perfect!) But, I’ve always been an ‘if I don’t like it, I will scroll past it’ kind of person! Because you are right, nobody needs the negativity of someone ranting about something they are enjoying posting about, or someone trying to make a PC issue out of something that doesn’t need to be!! So, I’m glad you enjoyed the challenge, and like you say, you will have those lovely pictures to look back on!
      Thank you so much for linking with the very first #bigpinklink!

    15. February 17, 2016 / 6:12 pm

      I agree with you, it’s your Facebook profile, you post what you want! The motherhood challenge isn’t really my thing but each to their own, I don’t see anything wrong with it. I would never want to make someone feel bad about sharing some lovely happy pictures of their children! I just don’t understand why on earth anyone could have a problem with that

      • February 17, 2016 / 7:46 pm

        Thanks honey! I’m not someone who’d ever want to upset anyone so you can imagine what that implication did to me! I was gutted x

    16. newmummyblogcom
      February 22, 2016 / 10:27 pm

      I think I commented before, but I very much agree, and think you should post what you want and as much as you want. I know some people will find this hard, but there is always things others won’t agree with. I feel terrible for those who can’t have children and want to and continually try to, but I feel lucky to have my daughter and part of that is showing her off 🙂 I don’t post all the time, but when I do it’s because I feel it’s a brilliant picture, a cute thing or an achievement. I know many of my friends (those who have and have not yet, had children) will comment and like them, regardless.
      Thanks for sharing #TheBabyFormula

    17. Becky, Cuddle Fairy
      February 23, 2016 / 12:10 pm

      Popping back over to thank you very much for sharing with #bloggerclubuk we hope to see you back again this week x

    18. February 23, 2016 / 9:11 pm

      I didn’t do the motherhood challenge but I understand why others did it and after a while the complaining became even more tedious than the challenge itself! I totally agree with you, there’s no need for all the negativity! #KCACOLS

    19. February 26, 2016 / 9:18 am

      I got nominated but I didn’t do it because I spam everyone enough with photos of the boys, but I certainly don’t begrudge anyone who did, nor do I understand the need to go and spew hate on the internet. No need in my opinion. You’re right – haters gonna hate. #effitfriday

    20. February 26, 2016 / 10:31 am

      I’m so sorry that you had to deal with this. I don’t get why people have the time to complaint. If you share photos on facebook of your children what is the problem with that? I thought that that was the whole purpose of facebook anyway! As you said people are more than welcome to unfriend me if they don’t like my fb posts. I found the whole thing so silly!! I have never had an issue like that in fb before not in my personal profile or fb page. And I’m glad I haven’t as I really don’t want anybody to make me feel down. I agree with what you are saying and I also like that you are embracing people to be more positive. Thanks so much for sharing this at #KCACOLS. I would love to see you again on Sunday! 🙂 x

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